Chapter 48 Sydney - Choosing Myself
Chapter 48
Sydney - Choosing Myself
T he dumpster clattered onto the pavement. Why do the garbage trucks have to come so early? My bedroom faced the rear of the house, so I didn’t hear it often. The sun peaked between the rows of townhouses. I eased Austin’s arm up and slid out of bed. Upstairs, I picked up my phone from the kitchen counter. After taking a shower, I texted Venus.
Me: I need to see you. Bring the twins. It’s important. 9AM?
While I waited for her response, I pulled my suitcases from my closet and started packing. I tried to decide how many pairs of shorts I needed. I tucked a few of my favorite framed photos in between my clothes and zipped up my belongings. The rest would go into storage for now.
I made it to the bottom of the stairs before I remembered. Samson. How could I forget? I texted Daisy.
Me: Can I pick up the king on my way to work? Say 8AM?
D: Sure. No problem. I will feed him breakfast now. See you soon!
I loaded my stuff in the pickup, then went back into the house, where I sat at the kitchen table and scrawled a letter onto yellow legal paper. Then I put it in an envelope and set it in front of the coffee pot. I knew that this was the coward’s way out, but I wouldn’t have the strength to tell him to his face.
I couldn’t hide my puffy eyes when I got to Daisy’s. We hugged, and I told her my plan. “I’m leaving. My time here has been amazing, but it’s not for me. I need to take care of myself.”
“I understand. I’m going to miss you. Samson, too.” She bent down and scratched his head and under his chin. “You take good care of her, you hear me?”
I gave her one last hug. “I’ll let you know where I land.”
When I got back to the truck, my phone pinged.
VA: We will all be here. See you soon!
Samson and I arrived at Venus’s office right on time. She waved me in.
“Christian and Cody are on their way. Can you give me a heads-up as to why we’re meeting?”
“I’m requesting a settlement from the incident with Jason. I don’t intend to sue, but I feel I am entitled to compensation. It’s not personal.”
She nodded. “I understand and appreciate you letting me know. We will work through this together.”
She greeted the twins, and we all walked down to a conference room with a giant oval table and oversized rolling chairs. Venus and I sat next to each other, and the twins sat across the table.
Venus began. “Sydney requested this meeting to be heard regarding her assault by Jason Cooper, and what we can offer her in the way of compensation.”
They exchanged a quick glance. Cody took the reins. “We were not informed of any incident involving Sydney. I remember seeing Jason’s exit paperwork on Sylvia’s desk, but I didn’t have any reason at the time to question it. People come and go here.”
I interrupted. “You are hearing about it now, even if you didn’t know about it. The sergeant at the precinct told me that the D.A. is filing sexual assault and attempted rape charges against Jason. I expect to see a proposal for compensation by the end of the week. As I told Venus, I do not intend to sue. This happened on company time—tell me what you can do to make it right.”
Christian interjected. “Sydney, I understand that what happened to you must be upsetting. We need time to investigate. Once we have a clear picture of things, we can reconvene and discuss numbers. ”
“I understand. Tori Morgan will be able to corroborate my account of the events. I’ll await your response to that.” I took a breath. “There’s one other thing. I want out. I have benefitted greatly from working here, and I’ve learned a lot—particularly that it’s not the direction I wish to go in any longer. What do I need to do?”
Venus couldn’t contain her shock. “Sydney? Are you sure about this? I know the incident with Jason rattled you. Do you want more money? A bigger percentage of royalties? We can explore that.”
I held up my hand. “No, that won’t be necessary. I followed Austin out here, and along the way, I got lost in this incredible fantasy. Recent events have jogged my memory. I used to have my own goals and dreams. And I’m going to pursue them.” I grabbed her hand. “You have been a wonderful manager. And your friendship means the world to me. I need to put myself first. If I don’t, who will?”
Cody spoke up. “Sydney, you are free to leave whenever you like. It’s like quitting any other job. Give notice and walk out the door. You signed a standard non-disclosure agreement. Any unfinished projects remain the property of the company. You can’t take it across the street and sell it to one of our competitors. You may not reveal specifics about this company or personal information about the artists you worked with here. You will continue to receive royalty checks for the songs where you have writing credits. All I suggest is that you keep a checking account open to deposit those for you.” He deferred to Christian. “Did I forget anything?”
“No, I think you covered it all.”
I stood and Samson rose to my side. “Thank you. My resignation is effective immediately.” I took an envelope from my purse and handed it to Venus. She sighed.
“Can we talk in my office for a few minutes before you evaporate?” She bit her lip.
“Of course.” We walked out of the conference room, leaving the twins to figure out their next move.
We sat on the couch in her office. I waited for Venus to speak.
“You punched me in the gut in there. Why didn’t you tell me you were unhappy? I can still work something out. Fewer hours. More flexibility. Whatever you need.”
“I’m sorry this is abrupt. I thought a lot when Austin went to rehab. I want to travel and see other parts of this enormous country. I want to use my teaching degree and get young people excited about music. These things are not compatible with my current projects. I must make a choice, and I am putting myself first. This is what I want.”
She listened before speaking. “How about taking a break? Go travel. Take a hiatus. Then come back. You have a knack for telling stories in a song. Together, you and Austin are amazing. You want to give all that up on a whim?”
“This isn’t a whim, Venus. I know we’re friends, and I want to be considerate of your feelings. I didn’t want to tell anyone until I decided.”
“Then there’s one thing left to do.” She held out her arms. “Give me a hug. I’m going to miss you.” We embraced, and I choked down my tears. My emotions couldn’t be tamed.
“Please look after Austin. He’s going to be upset when he gets here later if he doesn’t call off. I don’t want to explain right now. This is hard enough already.”
“I’ve got him covered. Keep in touch, promise?”
“Yes, I promise.”
I hopped in the truck with Samson and cranked down the windows. “Where should we go, boy? North? South? How about we head up the coast and drive that beautiful Highway One?” I pointed the truck towards the highway and my fresh adventures.
Journal Entry
Our Oscar party started out being fun but didn’t end that way. Marcus came unglued when he watched Austin and me singing together. He took me out on the back deck and confronted me. His hurt and anger could not be soothed by my assurances that nothing was going on between us. That I wanted to be with him. He accused me of lying to him on our very first date, when I told him that Austin and I weren’t involved. He’d always believed that Austin’s protective vibe meant something more, but he went against his own intuition because he had a crush on me, too.
The thing is, even though I said all the right things, I knew in my heart I was lying to him. And to myself. He knew it, too. He broke things off with me and left the party down the back steps of the deck. I escaped to my room. I didn’t want to be around anyone.
Austin’s confession of his true feelings hit their mark and let me know that our attraction was mutual. That the kiss at the shooting range did mean something. That he wanted to be with me as more than friends. To show him how I felt, I did the only thing I could think of—I offered myself to him. After the party, I knocked on his door wearing skimpy lingerie—how could he say no?
We made love, and I’ve never felt connected to anyone like I am to Austin. I already knew that I was leaving, and it felt slightly deceptive to give him this night but leave before he woke up in the morning. I knew that if I told him, he would convince me to stay. I didn’t give him the chance.
Venus and Daisy were both surprised at my abrupt departure. I texted Tori so she wouldn’t find out from someone else. Choosing myself is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I lost myself while I was helping Austin stay afloat, and I don’t want to get lost in the shuffle anymore. It’s time for me to take charge of my life. And that’s what I’m going to do.