Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Eli
It was so worth joining them all.
Tonight I learned that Emily’s favorite color is yellow, because it reminds her of the rapeseed fields she grew up next to in Suffolk.
I learned that she’s going to be thirty this year, and that the best birthday she’s had so far was her twenty second because she had a nice meal with friends and ended up getting a free slice of cheesecake, which is her favorite dessert.
And that was her last birthday where her grandmother was still alive, so they could enjoy their tradition of making cookies together and watching an old movie one last time.
I learned that she cracks up adorably at puns and Dad jokes, her nose wrinkling as she giggles in a way that makes my stomach dip, and I owe Leo around ten beers for keeping them coming in rapid succession so I could quietly enjoy her laughter for a while.
But there’s a lot I didn’t learn. She’s happy enough to talk about these pretty basic details, but doesn’t volunteer anything deeper than that.
We’re still no clearer as to why she left her hometown because she deflects those questions.
She doesn’t strike me as the sort who’s in trouble and on the run, so maybe it’s some personal stuff.
Or maybe she really did just want to try a new town, and I’m reading too much into everything.
I did find out that she’s not much of a drinker, but I didn’t learn any reason why. Some people just don’t like it, I guess, but...I don’t know, I’m getting the impression that there’s more to it.
I don’t want this evening to end. I want to sit next to her all night and not sleep so I can try and learn more. I want the secrets she’s hiding in her large gray eyes. I want her to lean closer until our heads almost touch so she can quietly tell me - and only me - everything.
But we’ve all got work in the morning, and she’s been starting to stifle yawns behind her fingers.
“Keeping you up?” Leo chuckles.
“Sorry,” she says with a rueful smile.
“Nah, you’re right. We should make tracks,” Leo observes, standing and stretching.
“Cab?” Sadie says, waving her phone.
“Oh, no, it’s OK, I can walk,” Emily replies.
“No, you should share a cab with us,” I say. “We’ll see you home safely.”
She blinks, and smiles. At me. And the hard-on that I've been fighting off ever since I sat down next to her slams to attention.
Fuuuuuuuuuck, I’m so screwed.
“Only if you’re sure. Thank you so much, that’s really kind.” She seems very grateful for something pretty standard. We always make sure we see Sadie to her door after a night out, and I for one am definitely always going to extend the same basic courtesy to her.
“Cab for four, please, Jackie,” Sadie says into her phone. She gets to know literally everyone on a first name basis. It’s just her way. “From the pub. No, The Red Lion. Ah, awesome. Perfect, thanks, doll.” She hangs up. “Apparently there’s one that’s two minutes away.”
Dean gives her the thumbs up. He’s looking a bit more rested, but still not back to his usual self. My guess is that the nightmares are back in full force.
And then I remember.
I check my watch for the date just to be sure, and...yeah.
Shit.
It’s almost Callie’s birthday.
Her birthday doesn’t trigger him every year - in fact, for the last couple of years or so it’s come and gone without incident - but sometimes he suffers in the run-up. Even after nearly fifteen years.
Making a mental note to talk to him about it as soon as I can, I stand and wait for Emily to do the same. We say goodbye to Leo, who needs to go back to the studio to finish up some bookkeeping for the brand new tax year, and the black cab pulls up just as we step outside.
Dean and Sadie jump in first and sit next to each other with their backs to the driver.
It buys me a few more minutes sitting next to Emily, and it’s as though they know.
..but when I study their faces, they look genuinely innocent, like their minds are on other things.
We always taxi home together; Dean lives in the flat upstairs from mine, and Sadie lives around the corner.
“Ooh, Em,” Sadie says, playing affectionately with Dean’s hand, “wait until you see my ten thirty appointment tomorrow.” She fans herself. “I can never remember which one is Chris Hemsworth and which one is Liam, but he looks like one of them.”
“Chris Hemsworth was Thor,” Emily offers.
“Yes, that one,” Sadie decides. “Girrrrrrrl, if I keep from biting his butt during the appointment, it’s going to be a miracle.” The women laugh and chatter about the hotness of a few of the actors from those Avengers films while Dean and I roll our eyes and shake our heads.
I find myself wondering if she likes pretty boys.
I sigh a little. If the answer is yes, then I am definitely not her type; nobody would ever call me ‘pretty’.
I’m probably not even the kind of guy she’d be into, and not just in terms of looks.
She’s sweet and sociable under the layer of shyness.
I’m quiet and distant. She needs a Leo type to bring out her brightness and encourage that spark.
I tell myself to consider myself out of the running. A blessing for her. A damn shame for me.
I ignore the cold, hollow feeling that settles in my gut at the idea of her dating somebody else, which, let’s face it, is inevitable because she’s so fucking awesome. Whoever he is, he’ll be the luckiest man on the planet.
But he’s not me.
“Just here,” she says to the driver after what seems like the blink of an eye.
I didn’t even get the chance to start a conversation with her, to my regret.
I peer out the window at her neighborhood, which is all brightly painted maisonettes.
Huh. She really is a stone’s throw away from Wishbone.
Probably not even five minutes of walking.
I’m glad. It’ll be safer for her in a few months when the nights draw in sooner. Maybe I can walk her home…
Just as friends. For safety reasons.
The driver pulls over and she smiles at us both. She takes out her wallet. “Here’s my share of cab fare – ”
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her firmly.
She looks at me, eyes softening, her teeth worrying her lip. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.” I try not to let her smile distract me.
“Thank you,” she says sincerely. It’s just the price of a short taxi ride, and once again she’s behaving as though I’ve given her a gift. The thought that just this small kindness has been absent from her life before now bothers the shit outta me.
She opens the door with a final smile and brief wave to us all. “See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, hon,” Sadie sings, Dean holds his hand up, and I nod and grunt.
The door closes, and the driver starts to change gear to move on. “Wait until she’s inside,” I tell him sharply, pissed that he’d drive off before she’s safely in her home, and I watch as she unlocks her door and goes inside. Once the door closes behind her, I nod at him, and we drive off.
Sadie and Dean both give me a look. A look that speaks of amusement at my expense.
I try to ignore it, but then they both shake their heads and chuckle. “What?” I ask, shrugging.
“Didn’t say anything,” Sadie says nonchalantly.
“Just being a decent person,” I mutter, and look out the window, at the driver’s ID, at the No Smoking sign…anywhere except at my friend, who can suddenly read me like a book, and my cousin, who is sucking in his cheeks in an effort to keep his face straight.
I’ve got to let this almighty attraction to Emily go, fast. It’s already gone too far if their expressions are any indication.
If I ignore it long enough, it will go away.
It will, I insist to myself, but there’s an uneasy sense in my chest that it’s not going to be that simple this time. Not with her.
We make sure Sadie gets dropped off next.
She gives me a kiss on the forehead, which she doesn’t do normally, and a final smirk.
I make a bit of a show about making sure we wait until she’s closed her door - and the cab driver doesn’t need to be told this time - but this only makes Dean give me a knowing, you’re fooling no-one look as I tell the driver where to drop us off in the next street.
I know exactly what’s going through his mind right now, because he and I can have whole conversations without words, but there is one talk I do need to be having with him.
“Where y’at?” I ask him seriously.
Awrite, he signs automatically, smiling slightly. You can take the boys out of the Big Easy… How about you, loverboy?
“You know what I mean,” I say quietly, ignoring his comment.
“You’ve been looking pretty tired lately, and then I checked the date.
” His smile fades, and I feel bad, but I know from experience that he does better when things are stated plainly and dealt with, rather than pretending he’s fine.
“I’m sorry I forgot,” I tell him quietly.
It’s OK, he says immediately, and rubs a hand over his face and stretches his shoulders. He sighs. Sneaks up on me sometimes. Probably always will.
“I know, man,” I say as the driver pulls up. I pay him, and we head inside.
“Dean,” I say before he trudges further up the stairs to his apartment.
I’m on the second floor, he’s on the third.
I made damn sure we were neighbors when we moved here just under ten years ago, in case he needed me.
I was there through every step of his rehabilitation process, and I’m here for him twenty four seven no matter what; it’s just the way it is.
“Do you need to call Gabriel?” Gabriel is his therapist, or rather, the one he saw most recently.
He used to talk to him fairly regularly, but now he only reaches out when the flare-ups happen, and only with a lot of convincing.
He shakes his head in certainty. Nah, I’m good. They’re just nightmares. Same old, same old.