Chapter 11 #2
“Um…” I start, leaning on the doorframe, and the moments tick by as I realize I haven’t prepared a cool line for this.
Say something, say anything, god damn it.
“I…” I chuckle nervously. “I forgot to come up with an excuse to come back,” I manage honestly.
I straighten up. It’s now or never. You’ve come this far.
“The only reason I have,” I say, swallowing my nerves, “is you.”
Her eyes widen, like she’s stunned.
“Can I come in?” I ask quietly.
Her surprised face starts to smile, and she pulls the door wider, wordlessly nodding.
Answer enough.
I don’t have a plan. I have no idea what I’m going to do next. I just wanted to be in the same room as her again, just for a little while longer.
I walk through the door and turn to her as she closes it behind us.
Her hall is cream and light blue. There are small blue and white flowers in a purple pot on a small table behind me, and several unopened letters just next to it. She’s clearly not a fan of receiving mail.
I look at her face. The flush in her cheeks. Her front teeth softly scrape her lower lip, front to back. Fuck me. My cock, which was almost at half mast, jumps at the sight. My jeans are now almost painfully tight.
“I want to kiss you,” I say in a low voice.
Her eyes go anime-style huge.
“Only if you want me to,” I continue quickly to reassure her, unable to look away from her astonished gaze. Why astonished? Has she not looked in a mirror lately? “But if you do - ”
She takes a step closer to me, smiling nervously as she returns my look, not blinking as an inviting warmth ignites in her beautiful eyes. “OK,” she whispers, biting that gorgeous lip again.
“What?” I say blankly.
She giggles a little. “I said, OK,” she replies in a very sexy murmur.
Do it.
I step forward and place my hands on her hips, gently pulling her towards me. Her eyes are huge, and she’s holding her breath.
I lean forward until our noses touch, my mouth so close to hers, and then...
Then…
Her lips are so soft against mine as they touch gently, one small kiss to dip our toes into the waters before I slant my mouth against hers.
Holy fucking god.
She makes a faint noise that sets my blood on fire as my mouth moves again of its own volition, coaxing her lips open so I can gently slip my tongue into her mouth.
She tastes so sweet, fresh as berries, and her mouth is so invitingly warm.
I briefly think of how her silky lips would feel in other places.
..and then her tongue slides smoothly, delicately against mine and I lose my head entirely.
I pull her close, closer, still not close enough, until she is engulfed and wrapped in my arms. This is where she belongs.
The kiss deepens, becomes almost frenzied, and the rumbly groan I hear, when she begins clutching at my shoulders, is my own.
My hands tangle in her hair as her fingertips trail slowly down my back, sending a tingle along my spine and a live wire straight to my aching cock.
I slide my hands to the top of her ass and pull her closer, grinding gently against her so she can feel it, feeling a primal need for her to know precisely what she’s doing to me.
This is the best first kiss of my life. No question.
I become dimly aware of her fingers starting to fumble against my belt as she fights to undo it. Damn, baby, you read my mind, I think in a fog of lust, until it hits me that she really is about to -
She’s going to -
I gently take her fingers, holding them still.
Not yet?!
“Hey, whoah,” I murmur against her lips, “what are you…”
She grins at me as we catch our breath, but this is not the same Emily smile that has made every day since she arrived a lot brighter.
I search her eyes, confused and a little concerned.
This is not the Emily I know, full stop.
The look in those eyes of hers has become calculated, artificial.
..fake. It’s a front. There’s heat there, but no warmth.
There’s a wall up between us that wasn’t there before.
She's not with me in this anymore. What happened?
No. No, honey, come back to me.
“It’s OK,” she says in an exaggeratedly sultry voice, “just relax and enjoy it.” She reaches for my belt again, but once again I hold her fingers still. She looks up at me, confused.
Maybe I should just go with it, even encourage her.
Maybe many men in my position would. But I don’t like that she seems to be trying to impress me by acting a certain way.
She doesn’t have to do this. She just has to be.
..her. Just her genuine self. That’s what’s sexy to me, not this sudden artifice she’s brought to the table.
“I didn’t come here for that,” I say to her with a laugh, and I really didn’t. I came here for a few extra minutes of her company. I hoped to kiss her. But I don’t want to rush everything. I want to savor every moment. I don’t want to push for a home run.
She flinches like I struck her. My mind races to find the words to put this right, to turn this from unintended rejection into what I actually mean. I shouldn't have laughed.
“I mean, you don’t have to - I just meant - ”
“It’s fine,” she says numbly, her voice dull, and she backs off. Fuck. “I’m...sorry…” She hugs herself and starts to turn away, embarrassed. Withdrawing from me. Shutting down.
FUCK.
“Em, no - ” I hurry to assure her, reaching for her, but she takes a step back to avoid my touch. Her lips are still pink and swollen with my kisses, and now I’ve made her feel like…
Shit, shit, shit.
“It’s...late. I’m gonna go and get some sleep,” she says in a small voice. “I’ll see you later, OK?”
“But you don’t under - ”
“Please leave,” she pleads.
My heart sinks.
“OK,” I say quietly. I’m going to put this right later. I don’t think she’s in the right frame of mind to listen to my explanation right now. But still… I can’t bear to leave it like this. “I just didn’t want you to think I was just fixin’ to get lai - ”
“It’s fine,” she cuts me off.
I sigh, defeated, but only for now.
I walk towards her door, mad as holy hell with myself for going from kissing my ideal woman as though our lives depended on it - easily the most passionate, toe curling kiss of my life - to offending her and having to show myself out.
Unfortunately, the door does not hit me in the ass on my way out.
Her hall light snaps off straight away once the door closes behind me.
FUCK. I blew it.