Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Emily
“So, what’s up?” I ask as soon as I’ve closed her studio door behind me.
Sadie’s room is beautiful. She’s done a graffiti style mural on the walls, with the words, ‘Nevertheless, She Persisted’ stylised in beautiful shades of blue, orange, and purple.
She often burns cinnamon scented candles in here, as well, so there’s a lingering smell of Christmas.
She flops onto her stool and sighs. “So, he told me last night that he’s going to have the tattoo I did for him removed,” she says, and for the first time since I’ve known her, she looks forlorn.
“I know it sounds stupid, but I’m really upset by that.
I did that for him. That’s my artwork on him.
It’s something special, and was ours, and it really meant something to me.
” She smiles ruefully. “I shouldn’t be so attached to it, but he got that done when we were first together, and showed me how much he was willing to loosen up, and that he liked my art so much he wanted to wear it permanently.
Now, it’s as if he’s embarrassed by it, even though no-one else other than me can see it.
..and I can’t help but feel really, really hurt. ”
I sit next to her and squeeze her hand. “I imagine I’d feel the same way if it was me,” I tell her honestly. “What was the tattoo of?”
“A bird of prey. It’s cheesy as fuck, but when we first went to bed together, he told me that loving me felt like he was soaring like a hawk.
It was cringey, but also...kinda nice. And then he pulled off his shirt and told me to mark him permanently.
Gave me carte blanche, told me to give him any tattoo I wanted, so that he could remember that night forever.
It was…” She shakes her head and giggles softly.
“It was so corny, and romantic, and the one impetuous thing I think he’s ever done.
Other than me, of course,” she grins, winking at me.
I smile, but I can’t quite summon up a laugh. The idea that he would want to get rid of something with such an intimate story behind it sounds genuinely sad.
She makes a ‘tsk’ noise. “So, on the one hand he’s planning to destroy something I consider quite meaningful. On the other hand…” She beams gorgeously. “On the other hand, I walked into his study over the weekend and found him Googling engagement rings.”
“Wow, that’s - wow,” I say lamely. I have to admit, I found the sum total of things to like about Peter was the fact that, in looks, he reminded me of Lee Adama from the more modern Battlestar Galactica series.
That was it. Otherwise, I thought he was an ill-mannered bore, and nothing like I imagined any boyfriend of Sadie’s to be.
She’s such a live wire, so talented and charismatic, and gorgeous to boot. I thought Peter would be much the same.
Come to think of it, I thought he’d be more like Leo. The cheeky-chappy life of the party, the soul of charm and gregariousness. That’d suit her personality more.
She’s giving me a searching look, probably wondering why I’m not full of squee for her news. I bite my lip, and decide to ask the hard question. I think our friendship is certainly strong enough to withstand some very tactful honesty.
“Look, I...wish there had been someone to ask me when I was with Gav, but…” Sadie’s eyes become curious and guarded.
I squeeze her hand again. “By all means tell me it’s none of my business, but I.
..just don’t get you and Peter. I’m sorry, I really don’t mean to be rude or anything, but you just seem so different.
He’s...not what I was expecting. And I just want to know that it’s simply that I haven’t spent enough time around him to get to know him yet, and that you’re really, genuinely happy, and I need to just butt out.
” Besides which, my heart is breaking for Leo, who must be in pieces right now.
Part of me is astonished that she hasn’t picked up on how he feels about her, because it seems obvious now that I know, but, to be fair, he’s very good at hiding it.
I only picked up on it at the nightclub when his mask slipped for a brief moment when he didn't know I was watching, or I’d still be clueless as well.
She closes her eyes and smiles tolerantly. This is definitely not the first time she’s been asked this question.
“So Tim, my twin brother, became a father when he was fifteen,” she says, looking to one side thoughtfully.
“He and I are the youngest of three, and for years he was the sweet, well behaved twin, along with Jacob, our practically perfect older brother, and I was the opinionated black sheep bundle of mischief in the family. And then suddenly, this pregnancy bombshell was dropped on my parents out of nowhere.” She grimaces.
“Thing is, they're decent people – well, my mother is, my father can be kind of an arsehole when he wants to be – but they have high standards, and were always a little on the strict side. After Tim got Nat pregnant, it stepped up even more. They really just wanted us to either be at school, or studying at home. I get it, you know. Eleanor’s arrival really shook up their world, and their preconceptions about Tim, and about our safety. But it was stifling. Tim took it on the chin as the consequences of his actions, because he was always very well-behaved generally. Well,” she smirks, “apart from the underage sex and getting his girlfriend pregnant. That was the one and only exception. But I found their old ideas a bit much, so their new rules were definitely met with rebelliousness from me. Not being allowed out without all sorts of restrictions and conditions…only being allowed to go out with a small list of people, having to be back so much earlier than before...well, it got to me.”
“That sounds rough,” I comment.
She shrugs. “Don’t get me wrong, everything worked out OK, and they love and adore Tim’s daughter.
We all do, and he’s a fantastic dad. But I was the kid who used to roar with rage at a kiddie harness when they took us shopping as toddlers, so being tied down and having even bigger expectations for achievement and success placed on me, and feeling like I almost had to make up for what Tim did.
..well, I’ve always valued my freedom and being able to run my own life my way on my terms.”
“I can imagine.”
She sighs. “But then I saw my mum crying in the kitchen once, not long after Nat’s parents came over with the news that she was pregnant.
And it was the first time I realised that my parents were only human, not just strict authority figures, you know?
And they were scared, and they were trying their best. And I didn’t want my mother to cry anymore.
So while I snarled and slammed doors, I didn’t sneak out, or do anything to worry them. ”
I nod. “Makes sense to me.” I’m not too sure what this has to do with Peter, but she’ll be getting to that.
She gives me a small smile. “So, I went to university the other end of the country to do my arts course. Cut loose, just a little, because i didn't have to answer to anyone. Had a great time. But after I graduated, I was pretty directionless. I didn’t want to be an artist in the traditional sense. And then I found my niche being a tattooist, but I had to pay my dues. Had to go through a few shitty little restaurant jobs on the side while I trained and found a job in a parlour, living hand to mouth. My parents were not impressed. They were already frustrated by my insistence on doing my arts degree, and not something more vocational, like Tim and Jacob, who both did IT and had stable, steady jobs with prospects. I think they maybe hoped I’d be a secretary who ended up marrying my boss, or something.
And, well, look at me. Do I look like that kind of woman?
” I giggle and shake my head. Definitely not.
That would have been like putting a lioness in a tutu.
She grins, and it lights up her face until her blue eyes almost sparkle.
“And then one day this handsome guy in a suit sits at one of my tables where I was waitressing at the time. And he acted like I was the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen.
He’d stumble over his words and took three different trips to my cafe to ask me out.
I liked him right away, and it's hard not to be won over by that kind of adulation, y'know.” Her forehead hits my shoulder and she stays there for a few seconds. “I know he comes across a bit stiff-arsed, but I promise you he’s really awesome underneath it all. He’s just a bit socially awkward.
Comes with being a professor, I guess. But anyway, he was absolutely fascinated by me.
Thought I was so cool and interesting, and such a free spirit.
It was...kind of weird, but also exhilarating, and very, very flattering.
He’s a Professor of Economics, and all buttoned up and maths-y.
Maths-y?” She wrinkles her nose and shrugs.
“New word. Anyway, it was a great laugh, expanding his mind and seeing him get all excited about the art I liked, and the clubs I went to, and the clothes I wore.
“But he was also the perfect man to bring home to my parents. He’s well dressed, smart as hell, successful, and from what they consider to be a good family.
They’re so happy that I’ve found someone so.
..upwardly mobile, and presentable. And because I won the love of someone like that, even though I’m a scruffy, stubborn tattooist, they aren’t so worried or disapproving anymore.
” She grins. “And his arse is the manliest peach you ever saw…”
We both laugh, and I know she’s trying to diffuse the tension.