Chapter 6
Liv
November, Freshman Year
It was like another connection had opened between them after the visit with Quinn’s family. They never spoke about Liv’s, for lack of a better term, total meltdown at the end of that day, but they quickly built a level of trust that Liv didn’t have with many people.
Quinn, Liv also realized, was an extremely tactile person, and it was like she had been holding herself back before.
Liv couldn’t blame her for that, considering how ignorantly she’d acted when they met, but those hugs had opened the floodgates.
It was common now for Quinn to wrap her arm around her shoulders, to sit close enough that their legs bumped, to squeeze her hand or nudge Liv with her elbow.
Liv found that she enjoyed the casual touches.
She was also just so present . They spent a lot of time just the two of them, but it seemed like whoever Quinn was with always had her complete focus.
Liv found that she missed her when she was gone, missed her chatty roommate with her considerable presence.
When Quinn traveled for swim meets, she was often gone most of Friday and Saturday, sometimes even into Sunday.
They’d started Sunday movie nights, though, and Quinn was always back for those.
One Tuesday, a few weeks before Thanksgiving, Liv’s College Writing course got out much earlier than usual.
Off her normal schedule, she headed to the cafeteria to grab a quick lunch and saw Quinn eating with a small group of people.
There wasn’t space directly next to her roommate, and she didn’t want to disrupt, but when Quinn saw her, she called her over, gesturing to the seat next to the pretty redhead on Quinn’s left.
She introduced Liv to everyone at the table, finishing with the girl between them. “And this is Emma, my buddy from the swim team. She’s my workout partner and stuck with me as a roommate for our away meets. Travel roomie, meet dorm roomie.”
Even sitting down, Liv could see that Emma was a bit taller than her, and, again, she couldn’t help but notice that she really was lovely, her hair long and thick, with a dusting of freckles across round cheeks, and a gorgeous smile, her teeth almost too white.
“Nice to meet you, Liv,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You too,” Liv replied shyly, before Emma turned back to Quinn.
“Oh, Q, I’ve been meaning to ask. Do you want to come with me to the Queer Alliance meeting on Saturday?”
Liv tried to manage her reaction to the casual nature of the question.
She’d already grown to care about Quinn, and she did not want to risk being ignorant again.
Plus, the more Liv thought about it, the more she was sure that there were LGBTQ people in her high school.
It was private, and they didn’t have anything like a queer alliance, but there were hundreds of students, so there had to be students who just hadn’t felt comfortable coming out.
That was heartbreaking to Liv.
“I honestly don’t think I can take on anything else on top of swim and homework,” Quinn said, with a self-deprecating frown that tugged on Liv’s heartstrings.
The conversation shifted, but stayed full, though Liv mostly listened and picked at her food. Quinn did a great job trying to make sure she was included, and she noticed that Emma did, too. Liv understood why they’d clicked so well, even in this short amount of time: two incredibly bubbly people.
She found something about their connection mildly uncomfortable.
After a few minutes, the others started to pack up. Emma was the last to go, again telling Liv that she was glad they finally met, before squeezing Quinn’s shoulder in an overly familiar manner and walking away.
“See you in the pool in a few hours, buddy,” Quinn said to Emma, grinning after her, before turning her undivided attention to Liv.
“I’m sorry I crashed your lunch,” Liv said.
Quinn seemed genuinely perplexed. “What are you talking about? You’re welcome anytime. And, anyway, Emma has been dying to meet you. We just haven’t been able to make it happen.”
“She’s…very cute,” Liv said, after a few moments of silence.
“I know, right?” Quinn agreed wholeheartedly, and she bumped her shoulder into Liv’s. “I’m so good at surrounding myself with beautiful people.”
Liv blushed, the obvious compliment hitting her warmly in the middle of her chest. Still, she pressed. “It seems like you two have gotten close.”
“Yeah! She’s amazing, honestly,” Quinn confirmed, and she just sounded so fond, Liv probably should have found it sweet. She did find it sweet.
“And it sounds like she is gay?”
“Bisexual, I think,” Quinn answered, and then her face changed, eyes growing wide as she processed Liv’s angle.
“Oh, no. No . She’s great, but I try to avoid dating other swimmers, especially when we’re on the same team and in the middle of a season.
She’s just a pal. She’s still dating her high school boyfriend. Brandon, I think. ”
“Oh, cool,” Liv said, and she tried to ignore the feeling of relief that coursed through her.
“I do have a date this weekend, though,” Quinn added slowly. “Her name is Scarlet. She’s in my Astronomy class.”
“Oh, cool,” Liv repeated, the relief evaporating, leaving a churning behind.
“Super cool,” Quinn said back, her smile tighter than before.
There was no reason for Liv to be jealous.
Quinn was allowed to have other friends.
Quinn was allowed to go on dates. Because Liv didn’t date.
And . Even if she did date, Quinn would not be an option for her.
Quinn was a kind, charming treasure of a human, and Liv loved being her friend.
She was not going to be the person who brought drama into Quinn’s life.
This was an irrational thought pattern, and Liv needed to stop herself immediately.
“I didn’t know if, like… I should bring this up with you,” Quinn admitted. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You’re not,” Liv replied. “Have I done something to make you feel like that? I mean, since we actually got to know each other?”
The idea of that was horrifying to her, but luckily Quinn swiftly shut it down. “No! Not at all. I was just trying to be mindful.”
“I appreciate that,” Liv said, and truly, she was blown away by the sweetness of it. “But…you can talk to me about anything, too.”
It was the first time either of them had flat out referenced anything that was said or done the night of her breakdown, and Quinn clearly understood how much those words had meant to Liv when she heard them parroted back.
“Well… I have a date with her on Sunday,” Quinn said. “I’m trying to keep it casual for a little while, so we’re just going to grab lunch and go for a walk. ”
“That sounds sweet,” Liv replied tentatively. When she considered the dates she’d been on, lunch and a walk with Quinn sounded like a vastly better option.
When Sunday rolled around, Quinn was bouncing around their room, a bundle of nerves. She was so giddy, almost buzzing, and her excitement was distracting. When Liv realized she’d been staring at her blinking cursor for several minutes, she stood up, gathering her things.
“I’m going to the library to work on my paper,” Liv told her, before a thought struck her that she did not want to voice. “Um…do we need to come up with a system? Like…so I know if I can come back in the room, or…”
“Are you talking about, like, socks on the door handle?” Quinn asked, momentarily stilling, her eyes crinkling. Liv shrugged. “I’m not a frat boy. And I don’t hook up on the first date. But in the future, maybe we can just send a text?”
“Sounds good,” Liv said, though it didn’t really sound good to her at all.
When she returned from the library, Quinn still wasn’t back, but it was almost time for their movie night.
She texted Quinn, confirming that it was still the plan.
She didn’t want to assume or rush her, but Quinn had reminded Liv that it was her turn to pick a movie that night, so she thought it was fair to ask.
She received a text back almost immediately, confirming that Quinn would be ‘home’ in a few minutes, so Liv got to work setting up their mini theater, a laptop set up between their beds on a tray table that Quinn had brought from home, because of course she had.
Liv was adjusting the pillows on her bed when Quinn walked in, but she stopped short when she saw her. Because she had never seen Quinn like this .
She looked nice . She was wearing an olive green button up, the top two buttons open showing that she had thought to accessorize with a leather corded necklace, and khaki chinos, the entire outfit fitted to accentuate her athletic frame, particularly snug, Liv noticed, around strong thighs and toned arms.
People were just not supposed to look like this, outside of teen dramas and superhero movies. And Liv really shouldn’t be noticing.
But hey, Liv could absolutely compartmentalize this. She could notice that her roommate was stunning, and she could move on from it, telling herself that it was an interesting thing to observe, but that her focus needed to be elsewhere.
“I think I like her,” Quinn said, beaming.
And, okay. Those words could distract her from Quinn’s muscles. “You like everyone.”
“She’s an art major,” Quinn replied, as if Liv had asked. “And she’s like, queer-queer. Super queer.”
“I was not aware that there were levels.”
Quinn laughed and began digging around in her drawers for something to change into.
When she started unbuttoning her shirt, Liv turned away from her, to be respectful but mostly to prevent herself from gawking.
“I mean, like, she’s gay, but she’s politically queer.
She’s into the Queer Alliance that Emma had mentioned. I guess they know each other.”
“You’ve said queer so many times in the last minute that I’m not sure I remember what it means,” Liv replied, turning back to her as she heard Quinn lay down on her bed.