Chapter Ten
Bonnie
I lay awake as the clock next to me mocked me with every tick of time.
Elijah would be home by now. Will he even care that I’m not there? Does he feel the way his friends do? Has he been with Tiff every time?
Was everything a lie?
Am I not enough?
Why is he silent?
I was so lost in my questions I honestly wasn’t sure I wanted the answers to that I barely registered Ellie coming into the guest room I was currently occupying. My suitcase was still fully packed, like it didn’t want to be there either.
“How are you sleeping through that?” Ellie asked me as she got into the bed with me and prompted me to sit up so I could scooch over and make room for us both.
“Sleeping through what?” I asked, but I kept my gaze at the ceiling.
“Do you not hear that knocking? You can tell he’s trying not to wake the neighbors, but he’s been out there for a while.”
I felt my heart race. He is here. I glanced at the clock, suddenly realizing that it was somehow a little past 5:00 a.m.
“Why is he here, and how did he know I was here?” I wondered out loud. I saw her give me an are you serious? look as she nibbled on her bottom lip. I didn’t need her to say anything to know that she thought I should talk to him.
“You think I should talk to him,” I said, keeping my eyes on the ceiling.
“I think some things don’t make sense. I think you want to talk to him, and you should, if that’s what you want.
But I also think that hitting him over the head with a frying pan is an acceptable response as well.
” She slid her hand into mine and gave it a squeeze as we both lay there.
His quiet knocking surrounded us, and I sighed, knowing she was right. I did need to talk to him.
“A frying pan could get messy.”
“Unlike you, I have a tarp.” She turned on her side and grinned at me. “Whatever you want, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks, El. You’re the best homicidal friend a girl could ask for.”
“That’s it. That’s what you should put on my tombstone.”
I couldn’t help but laugh even though my stomach was rolling with unease at facing Elijah.
My fingers ached to run my hands through his hair, to massage out the kinks he got in his shoulders from his long flights.
I felt his absence everywhere. He’d never been so close yet so out of reach at the same time.
I took a deep breath to try to steady myself as I got out of bed and made my way to the front door, where the knocks were still thudding at an even pace, giving no indication that he planned on stopping until someone answered him.
I placed a hand on the door before I opened it to try to steady myself, preparing to face him. On the count of three, I told myself.
One…
Two…
Three…
Elijah all but fell through the door and into my arms when I opened it in between knocks.
“Bonnie,” he breathed out. I wanted to curse myself for the way my heart thudded to a stop.
I’d had an entire speech planned out. It contained a lot of really good lines, I swear.
I had planned on telling him that I considered our love epic.
One of those love stories where, when you tell people, when you know you know, and you aren’t lying to your grandkids when you explain that you knew within seconds.
Epic. Forever. But I lost all rational thought when I saw the man in front of me.
My Elijah—the one whose casual shirts were ironed, who would even iron his sweatpants if I let him, whose hair somehow always looked perfect, even after a twelve-hour flight or one of those all-consuming naps—was absolutely disheveled.
His hair looked greasy when he ran his fingers through it as he took me in.
His uniform was wrinkled, with his tie barely hanging on.
His red-rimmed eyes, cheeks, and the crease of his nose let me know that he had been crying.
I had to stop my mouth from hanging open at the sight of him.
I mean, he was still an extremely attractive person, but he did not look well.
“Elijah?” I tried really hard to keep my tone stern, but regardless of what had happened, I still loved him, and my body froze at his pain.
I could feel it from where I stood. My eyes continued to roam, and they short-circuited when they reached fists that he was clenching so hard I could see his knuckles turning white.
“Bonnie…” he rasped, and I realized he was clenching his fists so he didn’t reach for me and make me uncomfortable. And that somehow made everything worse. “Baby…” His voice came out like a plea.
“Don’t call me that,” I told him, trying hard to harden my tone, but it shook at the way his chest heaved at my words.
“Can we talk?” he asked. I reluctantly nodded and opened the door wide enough for him to pass me, but I noticed the way he lingered and breathed deeply as his body aligned briefly with mine. I noticed, and I hated that I did. Hated what it did to me.
“Coffee?” I asked, and we headed the short distance to the kitchen, where Ellie had planted herself against the wall. She was clearly eavesdropping and hadn’t had enough time to get away before we got there. I saw the way her eyes narrowed into slits when she took in Elijah.
“Hanson,” she drawled his last name out as she saw him. Her tone brought the temperature down a few degrees, and she made the I’m watching you sign as she stared him down. She started to make her way out of the kitchen.
“Hanson, you’re how tall, about 6’3? And 200 pounds, right?”
Elijah shook his head in confusion at her question but managed to answer, “Yeah, give or take…”
Oh my god. The reason for her question finally hit me.
“Ellie, you better not be doing what I think you are.”
“Moi?” She fluttered her eyelashes at me in innocence but glared at Elijah again as she ran her thumb across her throat. “Frying pans are in the cabinet next to the stove,” she said sweetly at me as she finally made her way down the hallway to her bedroom.
“I think I’m scared to ask.”
“She was measuring your body to make sure you’ll fit in the tarp she has.” I shrugged at him. In any other situation, I was sure we would be in stitches, but I was barely holding it together in his presence. My hands were starting to tremble.
“Bonnie…it’s…it’s not what you think.” He kept his eyes on me. I searched them for any trace of dishonesty, but found none.
“So you’re telling me you didn’t go to Tiffany’s room all those times she sent those messages?” I asked him point-blank. No point in skating around it.
“Well, yes, but…”
“Get out,” I choked out. I felt an explosion in my chest at his words.
“What? No. God no, it’s not—” He was tripping over his words, but I started to shove him back the way he came.
“Bonnie, no, stop,” Elijah said, and he reached out to touch me, but I flinched. He hissed at my reaction and immediately dropped to his knees, and now it was my turn to stutter as he wrapped himself around me.
“It’s not what you think, and I’m not leaving until you hear me out. I’ll answer every question you have, but god, please stop telling me to leave. I can’t. I won’t. I’ll sit outside that door until you talk to me.”
“I’ll call the cops.”
“I don’t care,” he said, and I knew he was telling the truth.
“You have to go to work sometime.”
“I’ll quit.”
I gasped at that response because I knew that he had always wanted to be a pilot.
“Nothing matters more than you,” he whispered. I couldn’t help but scoff at that.
“How can you say that? I saw the messages, Elijah. I saw them.” I hiccuped on my last words as I so vividly recalled the texts I had read.
“I saw how you let your friends make fun of me. How you didn’t stick up for me—not once.
They…They mocked the way I looked, my job, everything about me.
And you said nothing. You…You have months of room numbers from Tiffany. ”
“Please let me explain about Tiffany,” he said, and didn’t give me time to respond. Elijah just forged ahead. “We meet up after every flight—a group of us. It’s tradition to have a drink once we land. I don’t respond because I don’t care about her. I don’t care about any of them.”
“Do you care about me?”
“How can you even ask me that?”
“Because if people I knew were talking about you like that, I would be the one getting arrested. Even the thought of people being cruel to you makes me see red. I don’t…I don’t understand how you could be silent. I would never have done that to you.”
He was still holding onto my waist for dear life, and I could feel the way his shoulders started to rumble. I felt wetness on my bare legs. It took everything in me not to wipe his tears.
“Did you sleep with her?” My voice was hollow, and I braced myself for the answer.
“What? No! No! I’d never do that to you, to us.”
“Never?” I had to be sure that he wasn’t lying to me, but there was silence. “Elijah? Have you ever slept with Tiffany?” I heard his breath hitch.
“Bonnie, it was years ago. I mean years before I even met you.”
I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. “I want you to leave.” And I couldn’t resist slipping my hand into his hair one last time. Whether it was to soothe him or myself, I wasn’t sure, but I wasn’t quite all there.
“No, Bonnie, I…”
“I need you to go.” I started to pull myself away from him. “Please.”
“Don’t do this, Bonnie Baby…I need you. I can’t…
” He was openly crying now, looking up at me.
I saw him through my bleary eyes and finally got myself free of his grip.
Unable to say anything else, I turned and made my way back into the guest room.
Locking the door behind me, I crawled under the covers, wishing I could wake up three days before, when that wasn’t my life, and wondering where I could go from there. Where we could go from there.