Chapter Fourteen
Bonnie
I couldn’t help but continue my wallowing for the next four days, and before I knew it, Christmas Eve was the next day. It only made me want to sink further into my wallowing, but Ellie was keeping a close watch on me.
I was sitting on her sofa while she made us spiked hot chocolates with some cheesy movie on in the background that I wasn’t paying attention to.
I was just thinking. Thinking about everything that had happened.
Wondering if I could forgive Elijah, if I even wanted to.
Well, of course I wanted to, but I just didn’t know if I could.
“Here ya go.” Ellie handed me the cup, took a seat next to me, and I continued to hang out in my head instead of being present with her.
“Are you ready to talk about it?” she asked. I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no, either. I thought about it, but I wasn’t really sure where to start.
“I’m confused,” I told her. “I’m confused about it all.
His explanation makes sense. I don’t believe he cheated.
In fact, I don’t believe he did any of it to hurt me.
I think he just…didn’t want to create problems. But that doesn’t make me feel better.
That doesn’t take away from it all. That doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t stick up for me. ”
“You’re right,” she said as she sipped her hot chocolate.
“And as much as it hurts me, it really, really pisses me off that I know he didn’t do it to hurt me.
Because he did a really shitty thing, a really shitty thing, and I know he didn’t mean it.
I know…I know he loves me. I feel it constantly.
I feel it in the way he takes care of me.
I just don’t…don’t know how to get past it. ”
“Maybe you don’t have to get past it right away.
Maybe you just have to want to get past it,” she offered.
I hadn’t thought of it like that before, and I rolled her words around in my head.
“The way I look at it, life is really, really short when you think about it. You get maybe…What, sixty good years when you’re an adult?
And it goes by so fast and so slow at the same time.
This wasn’t the first time he fucked up, and it probably won’t be the last. And you’ll also probably mess up at some point.
” I shot her a dirty look. “ Hey! You know it’s true!
Anyway, I think it’s important to find someone you want to get through the tough times with, and if that’s Elijah, then figure out how to move forward.
And if it’s not Elijah, that’s okay too. Either way, move forward.”
“When did you get so wise?” I asked her.
“One of us has to be, and it’s clearly not you.” She poked me in the side, and I rested my head on her shoulder.
“I love him,” I told her.
“He loves you. You know he does.”
A notification rang out from my phone, and I realized it was my booking app, requesting an appointment.
That’s odd. I could have sworn I closed it for the holidays.
Even though I knew for a fact that Elijah would be flying for the first half of Christmas eve—that was, if his schedule was still the same—I had decided to block off the entire week so I could cook, bake, and be ready and waiting for him when he got home so we could celebrate the holiday together.
Booking request
First Name: Holiday
Last Name: Healing
Requested Date: December 24th
Reason for appointment: I can’t imagine spending December 24th away from the woman I love.
Accept booking
Decline booking
“He’s clever,” Ellie said.
“You have no shame, do you?”
“Not one bit. It’s why you love me. Get your man. That is, if you want him,” she halfway urged me, but also let me know the decision was completely up to me. I grinned at her as I made a choice.
*****
I walked into the shop as a bundle of nerves—some good, some bad—only five minutes before Elijah was supposed to show. I had spent the past twelve hours rotating between this is a good idea and this isn’t a good idea. But I wanted to see him.
He came in right after I did, almost perfectly timed.
“Were you waiting for me?”
“Yes.”
“Are you stalking me?”
“I guess that depends on your definition.” I had yet to turn around and face him, so I was able to let myself smile without him seeing it.
“So, Mr. Holiday,” I said as I finally turned around. Even though he looked worse than the last time I had seen him, he still took my breath away. “Any problem areas we need to be addressing today?” I questioned, half determined to keep it strictly professional just to see what he would do.
“Yeah, right here.” He moved his right hand over the left area of his chest, where his heart was located, and I sucked in a mouthful of air at his confession. “And I think you’re the only one that can make this ache go away. In fact, I know you are.”
“Is that so?” I wanted badly to run into his arms, but I wasn’t ready to fully forgive him just yet.
“Yeah, that’s so. You’re beautiful. I missed you.”
“Lay down on the table, please, Mr. Holiday, and we can begin.”
He nodded at me, but never took his eyes off me as he started to unbutton his shirt. Good grief. I almost drooled.
“Anytime now, Mr. Holiday.” He smirked at me because he knew exactly the kind of effect he had on me.
“As you wish.” He shot me a look as he bit his lip, letting me know exactly what he was thinking. He lay down. I told myself that he deserved to hurt just a little bit more before I told him my decision.
I started applying lotion, and I heard a soft moan escape him.
And I loved that I seemed to affect him as much as he did me.
I started using my thumbs to apply pressure to the muscles of his rotator cuff with a deadly precision that I knew would be extremely painful, and I heard a hiss come from him.
“Does that feel good?” I asked innocently.
“It’s uh…It’s…different.” He groaned, and I knew it was because I had applied more pressure to that area.
“Oh, is it?” I gave him a brief reprieve and made my way, trying hard not to remember the first time I told him I loved him because it had started a lot like that, on the very same table.
I started gently working out some of the muscles in his lower back.
I finally felt him relax against my touch again, and I moved my hands down to apply the same painful technique directly up the back of his calf.
This time, he yelped out. I couldn’t hide my snicker, but did my best to cover it up with a cough.
“Everything okay down there?”
I was met with silence. “Elijah?”
“Listen, Bonnie, I…I told myself I would never ever lie to you about anything, but fuck, your massage is terrible. It’s fucking painful.
Is this some new technique? I don’t…I don’t know what happened, but I’m pretty sure you’ve torn something.
” I was full-blown laughing now. I couldn’t help it at his obvious distress.
“Bonnie…Baby. I’ve been dreaming about your laugh.
” He was finally sitting up on the table, all appearance of discomfort gone.
His face was level with mine, and he reached for me, dragging my forehead to his.
“Hi, baby. How’ve you been?” he asked me softly.
I couldn’t help the tear that escaped, and he used his thumb to wipe it away.
“Really shitty, actually,” I told him. “I fucking missed you.”
“Fuck, baby, I missed you so much.” He brought my mouth to his and nibbled on my lips until I opened for him.
“Will you come home with me? Please, there’s something I have to do.”
I nodded. There was no place I’d rather have been on Christmas Eve.