Chapter 15 #2
I’m glad he has such a staunch, fiercely loving, and protective family supporting him, and try to think of the right words to put their minds at rest. I decide to go with the truth.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I reply softly.
“I know this is by no means going to be easy, and it might not go…the way I want it to go. But I can’t walk away from the way he makes me feel.
I’ve never felt tenderness for another person like this, and that’s important to me.
And I’m in no hurry. I like him , and I think he’s worth the effort.
He can take as long as he needs, and I’m not going to rush him, or go at anything other than his own pace.
And if nothing happens…” I pause. I hate the idea, but not enough to skip out and avoid the risk.
“If nothing ends up happening between us, then he’s a great person to know, and to be friends with. ”
Sadie leans forward with a beam and hugs me, while Em sighs dreamily.
I’m rarely hugged by others, and I savour the feeling. Our sheet masks end up sticking together, and we laugh as we break apart and take them off rubbing the residue into our skin.
“Alright,” Em pipes up, “we’ve done face masks and margaritas… How about I make some more and we start the chick flicks?”
“Bring it on, bish,” Sadie nods, handing over her empty glass. “OK, we’ve got…” She picks up the small pile of DVDs next to her. “ Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, Clueless , and Mean Girls . What do we reckon?”
“Bride’s choice,” I suggest.
“Well, which ones haven’t you seen?”
I shrug. “I’ve never seen any of them.” They gape at me.
“No sleepovers, remember? And I didn’t really have the time, or the permission, to watch them, and didn’t have much down time for that sort of thing anyway.
I was only allowed to watch Merchant Ivory fodder ‘for my educational benefit’. ” I roll my eyes.
“Well, your re-education starts here. We’ll start with Clueless , and then we are not going to sleep until we’ve seen the other two as well.”
I look at the clock. Nine forty five p.m. “Let’s do this.”
Well, we tried our best, but lashings of margaritas the cocktail plus margaritas the pizza will make a person sleepy after a while .
Romy and Michele is almost over when I wake up, and I’m sorry I fell asleep through it because I was enjoying the parts I saw.
Em and Sadie are both passed out on my sofa next to me.
I smile. I recognised Clueless as a retelling of Jane Austen’s Emma pretty quickly, and they didn’t mind me talking about that, or my thoughts about the handling of internalised misogyny in Mean Girls ; indeed, they joined in.
Tonight was great. They even invited me to join them for their weekly krav maga classes.
Apparently, Em had some trouble with her ex, so now they attend self-defence lessons, and, in Sadie’s words, “can make sure those that fuck around will find out”.
I check the time. Two thirty a.m. We’ve only been asleep for around an hour. I’m really thirsty after the pizza, so I go get a glass of water in my kitchen, grabbing my fully charged phone on the way.
I was dreaming about dogs. I’m still a little drowsy, so I can’t remember the particulars, but it feels important, for some reason. I make a mental note to come back to that later when I’m properly awake.
I check messages, and there’s something on Facebook from Dean. Opening the app, I stare in astonishment, hardly able to believe my eyes.
He posted a video of Bon Jovi’s In These Arms and tagged me in it.
And he’s commented.
A lot.
Dean Gastright: This is you
Dean Gastright: This sogn
Dean Gastright: Song
Dean Gastright: It’s about you
Dean Gastright: This is the song I would sing you if my voice wasn’t fucked
Dean Gastright: I don’t think your perfume is cheap though
Dean Gastright: So ignore that line ok
Dean Gastright: You smell really expensive I promise
Dean Gastright: You smell like a meadow
Dean Gastright: Like an open space where I can maybe finally breathe agai n
Dean Gastright: FUCK IM DRUNK
Dean Gastright: But everything I’m saying is true, ok? And everything Jon is saying. Bon Jon Jvovi scooped my thoughts of you out of my brains and sang them all in this song
My hands shake as I quickly Google the lyrics, and I almost cry as I read them. Because if this is how he feels about me…
I feel weak at the knees.
I’m wide awake now. Clearly he is thoroughly inebriated, but this isn’t a lie. This is him speaking to me with his guard down and his inhibitions gone. I can barely get my head around that.
Like an open space where I can maybe finally breathe again…
I want to see him. I want another hug, and to breathe him in, soak in as much of the unfiltered, uncensored Dean Gastright as I can before he retreats back to his sober comfort zone.
I make to grab my keys, but then I pause.
If he sent that at… I check the post… Ten p.m, he’s going to be too incoherent for us to talk if he’s even still awake.
My guess is that he’s out cold, heading straight for hangover town.
And besides, I’d need to wake Em up in order to know where to go; I think she said that she and Eli live downstairs from him. She’s sleeping so peacefully that I’d feel bad if I disturbed her.
So, despite a raging desire to run to him and wrap my legs around his waist and kiss every inch of his face, I decide it’d be better to wait until tomorrow.
This leaves me much too excited to even contemplate going back to sleep, so I pull up a stool at my breakfast nook and settle back down to reread the post and the song lyrics, again and again, while anticipating how the first touch of his lips against mine is going to feel.