39. Saint
I never thought I’d be standing here looking at my brother in a casket.
The pain in my chest was something I wouldn’t wish on a fucking soul.
If I could bring Adonis back and take his life again and again, I would.
Dru worked so hard to change his life around.
He walked away from the drugs, focused on his rap career, and he still ended up in a fucking casket. My brother.
The church was packed. There wasn’t an empty seat in the building.
There wasn’t enough space in the world to hold the pain sitting inside it.
Dru really fucked the city up with this one.
My nigga didn’t even get the chance to bask in the fame he’d recently acquired.
He was gone, but I was going to make sure his music stayed alive.
That was the only legacy he had on this Earth.
He didn’t get the chance to marry the love of his life or start his own family. Life wasn’t fair.
I adjusted my tie for the thousandth time today. My eyes were glued to the all-white casket in front of me. Even in death, my nigga was the best dressed in the room. I could still hear his obnoxious ass laugh.
I pressed my fingers to my lips and then tapped them against his chest. “I’m sorry, Dru.
I promise I got Chanel. Imma make sure she’s straight for the rest of my life.
This ain’t how shit was supposed to go. You were supposed to make it out.
You were so close, bruh.” My fists clenched at my side as my eyes burned with tears.
“Saint..” Blessing’s soft voice pulled me from my head.
I looked down at her, admiring the way her black dress hugged the small bump housing our love.
My babies. They wouldn’t even get the chance to meet their godfather.
They were the only thing that kept me from jumping in that casket with him. My fucking brother.
“It’s your turn to speak.” She gave my arm a light squeeze before nudging me towards the pew. I grabbed her hand, tugging her up there with me. I couldn’t do this shit alone.
I cleared my throat, looking around the packed church. My eyes landed on Dru’s dad. My chest tightened at the sight of him. His hands and feet were shackled, and two police escorts sat on either side of him. Behind me, a slideshow full of pictures and videos of Dru played throughout the service.
“I was supposed to have something written down, but every time I tried to write, my mind went blank. Like it was refusing to believe my brother was laid in a casket. If anybody deserved to live, it was Dru. Dru wasn’t a perfect nigga, but he was trying.
He ain’t deserve to go out like that. I wish I had one more moment with you, bruh.
” I gripped the sides of the podium, fighting the sob caught in the back of my throat.
Blessing rubbed my back, sending a sense of comfort through me.
After I finished speaking, my mama took the stage, and Dru’s father, Devin, followed.
The rest of the funeral was a blur. Before I knew it, we were at the graveyard watching his casket be lowered into the ground.
A loud wail filled the graveyard as Chanel hit the ground. Blessing and Messiah rushed to her side. Her fists pounded against the grass, and she sobbed. Before I could stop myself, I was on the ground next to her. I pulled her into me and cried with her. Neither of our lives would ever be the same.
“He promised me. He promised me forever, Moo.”
“I know, I fucking know.”
“Can you please eat something? I know you’re hurting, but you have to eat.” My mama said, placing a plate in front of me.
I shook my head and threw back the rest of the cool brown liquor. “I can’t, Ma.” My throat felt raw as I tried to speak. My appetite was non-existent, but that didn’t stop me from drowning myself in Cognac.
“Baby, please. Just take a few bites.” Blessing pleaded as she sat in my lap.
My hand instinctively went to her stomach.
It had been a week since the funeral, and this was the first time I’d left my bedroom for more than a few minutes.
I ate a few snacks here and there, but I hadn’t had a full meal since I lost my fucking brother.
I couldn’t think about Dru without shedding a tear.
I felt lost without him. My nigga left me without saying goodbye.
I replayed our conversations over and over.
I wasn’t ready to let him go. Everything made me think of him.
It felt like everybody’s life went on, and I was still stuck at the graveyard.
I’ve been through so much shit, but nothing compared to losing part of my heart.
When my pops disappeared, Dru was there.
I never had to deal with shit alone. Dru never left my side during my battle with cancer.
I buried my face into Blessing’s chest as I felt my chest tighten. Before I knew it, I was sobbing. Her soft hands rubbed the back of my neck as my mama squeezed my shoulder. I could hear her praying over me until my cries stopped.
Blessing grabbed my face and pecked my lips repeatedly. “I love you. I love you so much, baby.”
“You promise to never leave me?” I asked, staring into her damp eyes.
“I’m never leaving you. It’s you and me against the world. I would give anything to take your pain away, but there’s nothing I can do right now, and I’m sorry. We’re going to get through this. All of us.”
Chanel had been here since the funeral. Like me, she’d barely left the bedroom. Blessing was doing her best to care for both of us. I knew I needed to get it together, but this shit was going to hurt me forever.
I looked up, hearing footsteps nearing the dining room.
Chanel walked in with Sage hoisted up on her hip.
“She woke up looking for you, Moo.” She said, taking a seat across from us.
Grief hit her hard. Her once vibrant eyes were now red and dulled with pain.
Her hair was in a wild nest on top of her head, and her lips were chapped.
“Dada!” Sage squealed, reaching out for me. Her soft, raspy voice warmed my heart. Blessing stood and sat in the chair next to me.
“Wassup, Princess?” I picked her up and sat her on the table in front of me. Her arms went around my neck as she hugged me. I chuckled for the first time in a while. “You knew I needed that, huh?” I pinched her chubby cheeks and played around with her for a minute.
“I’m going to head home. Call me if y’all need anything.” My mama said, kissing my forehead. “I can take Sage for the night if you want.”
I shook my head, “She’s good here with us. See you later, Ma, I love you.”
Once my mama left, Blessing and Chanel went down to the indoor pool while Sage and I sat in the living room watching her favorite movie.
My phone had been off for an entire week, and I knew I needed to turn it back on.
The second my phone powered on, notifications flooded my screen.
Most of them were from people sending their condolences and offering support.
After responding to most of the messages, I ventured onto Instagram.
The first post I saw caused me to suck my teeth.
GossipInTheCove: #CoveAngels — Upcoming local rapper #Dru was reportedly shot and killed at his listening party.
Bystanders say gunshots rang out while he was thanking his supporters.
Former football player Adonis Wright was named as the shooter.
People are saying the shooting was retaliation for his sister Symore Wright’s death.
Click the link in our bio for the full story.
Against my better judgment, I scrolled through the comments. Most of them were filled with condolences to Dru. One comment in particular caught my attention.
@riahhamption1: RIP Baby. Your son will always know you. I love you forever, Donnie.
I sighed, suddenly feeling guilty. Regardless of how I felt about her, her son didn’t deserve to grow up without his father.
A part of me wanted to reach out to her, but I knew better.
At the end of the day, we both lost somebody who meant something to us.
After scrolling for a while, I decided to post a memorial post for Dru.
I needed everyone to understand how much he meant to me.
The next morning, I felt better than I had yesterday.
Refusing to sulk in grief, I got my ass out of bed and took care of my hygiene.
The heavy bags under my eyes were terrible.
I shuffled through Blessing’s side of the sink until I found her under-eye patches.
I knew I was about to look ridiculous as hell with these pink patches on my face, but I had a meeting with the rec center contractors.
Blessing walked into the bathroom and immediately fell into a fit of giggles when she saw my face. “Babe, what the hell?”
“Ain’t this what you use for your bags?”
“Yes, but you look so silly.” Her laugh caused a smile to form on my lips.
“You think you can line me up real quick? I have a meeting with the contractors in a few and don’t have time to pull up on Ryan.”
She nodded and hopped onto the counter. I opened my drawer and pulled the clippers from it. “Me and Chanel are taking the girls shopping for school stuff after I stop by my building. I’m doing a final walk-through to make sure everything is perfect.”
“I’m proud of you, gorgeous. You excited to go back to work?” I caressed her exposed stomach as she started lining my hair up.
“Hell yeah. I enjoyed my break, but I miss it. I already have a partnership with our high school and the Jags. The custom scrubs came the other day, and I am obsessed!”
“Just make sure you’re taking it easy. Don’t forget you’re carrying precious cargo.”
“How could I forget? Do you see how big I’m getting every day?” She groaned.
She was nearing the four-month mark, and her bump was visible now.
Carrying twins had her looking like she was further than she actually is.
It seems like she started showing a few days after we found out about the twins.
We received the email with the gender, but because of everything going on, we cancelled the reveal and planned to just have a personal reveal between the two of us.
I had to thank God every day for bringing Blessing into my life. Although a part of my heart was gone, having her in my corner made me whole. She was worth everything. I’d do this shit all over again if I had to.