Chapter 15
Knox
The only redeeming quality about the Howling Wolf is their beer. The owner, Will, stocks local breweries and not just the cheap swill you can get at the grocery store. Don’t get me wrong, I drink that shit too, but if I have to go out, I’d rather have a decent beer than something cheap.
“There he is! The man of the hour.” Grayson’s grin is a mile wide as he saunters up to our high-top table.
I manage to keep mine in check, raising an eyebrow at him instead. “Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean you’re immune from me punching you.”
“Hey, I didn’t say the forbidden phrase.”
I give him a deadpan expression. “Close enough.”
He laughs, unrepentant. Holt gets to the table a few seconds later with two beers in his hands. “Sorry, Gray. You showed up when I was already on my way back.”
“All good. I haven’t decided if I’m going for beer or liquor tonight. London’s with her mom this weekend.” Something flashes in his blue eyes. I suddenly get the feeling we’re out for my birthday because he needed the distraction.
It’s probably shitty of me, but it makes me accept being out with my friends a whole lot easier if I know it’s not solely for me.
I don’t want to be the center of attention.
They know this about me, so pushing for a gathering for my birthday was annoying.
Grayson needing a distraction makes a whole lot more sense.
I want to ask if this is about Kylie, but the fact that he used me to get together instead of just asking us to hang out with him as he normally would tells me he’s not ready to talk about it yet. He will eventually—he always does.
“I’ll make sure you get home.” I say it offhandedly, as if I don’t care what he does. Calling him out for wanting to get drunk would just be stupid, and I don’t feel like getting into a discussion about it tonight.
Grayson taps the table with his palm before heading to the bar. Holt raises an eyebrow at me, his question clear. You good to take care of him?
I nod in response. It doesn’t surprise me that Holt picked up on the same things I did.
He’d have taken Gray under his wing if I hadn’t.
The way my friends can rally behind each other is the reason I’m never truly annoyed with them.
I don’t always agree with the choices they make, nor do I want to spend every waking moment with them the way Gray does, but without a doubt, I can count on them to be there when shit goes down.
They’ve more than proven that to me on countless occasions.
Holt and I sit in comfortable silence while we wait for Gray to get back from the bar. The music is loud but not headache-inducing. Most people are on the dance floor tonight, which makes the seating area quieter.
It doesn’t take long for Gray to get a drink.
Emmett is following behind him with a drink in hand as well.
He sits in the chair to my left, tapping Holt on the shoulder to say hello.
Gray sits on my right with a smirk on his face.
He takes a sip of his bourbon as he eyes me over the glass.
“Heard a rumor about you the other day.”
I give him a bland look but don’t respond. It amazes me that people can find things to gossip about every day. I don’t engage with any of them, and yet they still feel the need to talk about me.
“Harvey and Larry at the hardware store were talking about the shit you gave them over a ladder?”
“Giving Harvey and Larry shit is easy, but what the fuck could you have said about a ladder?” Emmett asks.
I sigh. “They sold a defective ladder. Fucking thing fell apart under barely any pressure.” Fuck knows Farrah doesn’t weigh more than a sack of potatoes. It should never have broken that easily.
Holt cringes. “That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.”
Nodding, I take a sip of my beer. “Suing is too big of a hassle though. Instead, I got them to give me a new one.”
“Can’t believe they’d sell something like that to you. You’d think they’d have enough brain cells to know you’d take them to task over it,” Emmett points out.
“And don’t you already have a couple of ladders? What did you need a new one for?” Grayson asks.
I take another drink with a shrug. Lying to them pisses me off, so I choose silence instead. They don’t need to know I helped Farrah. If I said anything, it would only open the door for even more questions I don’t want to answer.
I’m still trying to figure out how the fuck I got into that situation in the first place.
And why I can’t stop thinking about the way she felt in my hands.
Her ribs were showing. It’s been stuck in my head ever since.
Is she just tiny, and that’s why, or is she not eating?
She mentioned her money situation. As a teacher, I can’t imagine she has all that much.
After all the renovations she’s done, it would be hard to believe she’s swimming in cash.
Then again, she could have more money than she knows what to do with.
I have got to stop thinking about that fucking woman.
It’s only then that I realize my three best friends have had a silent conversation while I’ve been distracted.
Yet another point against Farrah.
“Whatever the three of you are thinking, knock it off.”
“Something is going on with you, and we’re just making sure you’re okay.
” Grayson’s earnest face is the only reason I’m able to keep my temper in check.
I know they mean well. They’re being good friends, but I can’t explain what the hell is happening to me.
Ever since that woman came to town, I haven’t been thinking clearly.
“I’m fine.” None of them believes my words. I don’t really believe them either, but they’re all I can offer.
“You know we’ll be here for you no matter what’s going on,” Holt says gently.
I nod. It’s all I can do with the lump in my throat. I have got to get a fucking grip on whatever this is. I drain my glass to help shove everything away. “I’m going to get another beer. Anyone else want anything?”
My friends shake their heads, letting me get away with my avoidance.
In my experience, emotions only lead directly to heartbreak. Keeping them shut down is the only way to survive.
* * *
“I miss her,” Gray whines in my passenger seat. “Why’d she hafta leave?”
He’s got his forehead pressed into the passenger side window.
I don’t bother answering. Grayson has bemoaned about Kylie the majority of the drive to my house.
True to my word, I only had two beers while Gray drank his weight in bourbon.
He still hasn’t shared what’s going on. Obviously, Kylie is getting under his skin, but what she’s done this time is still unknown.
I wish I could tell him to move on with his life.
She’s got her own family now, and if she had any feelings for him whatsoever, she’d have walked away from her husband a long time ago.
It pisses me off a little that she’s continued to string him along.
Grayson is about as transparent as plastic wrap when it comes to his emotions.
How could she not know how he feels about her by now?
“She’s having his baby. That bastard doesn’t deserve her. No one does. Not even me. She’ll never love me, Knoxy. Why can’t I stop loving her?” He looks at me with those puppy dog eyes.
“I don’t know, Gray. Sometimes the world fucking sucks.”
He snorts. “Sucks. Fuck, I haven’t been sucked in so long.”
“Ack. Jesus, Gray.”
“What? How long’s it been since you got any?
I swear I can’t even ’member.” He leans in closer.
“The last time I found someone who looked a little like Kylie. Felt like a slimeball afterward ’cause all I was thinking about was her instead of the nice girl I was actually with. Haven’t taken anyone home since.”
I wince at the thought. That was more information than I ever needed to know.
“So?” Gray swings his head toward me.
“So, what?”
“When did you last do the nasty?”
“I couldn’t say an exact date.” Which is true, since it was before Finn was born.
“Ballpark figure,” Gray pushes.
Parking in my driveway, I ignore his probing.
I get out of my truck and walk around to help him down.
He stumbles a little, making me tighten my grasp on his biceps.
Once we’re inside, I lead him upstairs to the guest bedroom.
The house I grew up in doesn’t look anything like it used to.
I gutted it the minute I could and went room by room, remodeling it.
I didn’t want a single reminder of my father or childhood left.
I finally get Gray into bed, chuckling a bit at the way he’s face planted, his limbs sprawled out across the mattress. With a couple of yanks, I get his boots off and leave a glass of water and pain meds on the nightstand. He’s going to be hurting tomorrow.
Our conversation tonight plays through my head as I get ready for bed.
I haven’t had sex since before Finn was born.
His mom… She was never very maternal, and she hated how devoted I was to Finn.
She wanted me to make her the center of my world instead of our son.
I couldn’t do it. I’d sworn to never treat Finn the way my father treated me.
To say it caused problems between us would be an understatement.
I made mistakes in that relationship—I won’t deny that.
But I never should have married Leona in the first place.
The only reason I can give for that is being young and stupid.
I thought getting married and having kids was what you’re supposed to do.
I should have listened to my gut when it told me it was a bad idea.
I’m listening to it now.
And I’ll never make the same mistake again.