Chapter 24
Knox
Istare at Grayson’s little farmhouse, trying to find the gumption to walk inside. I don’t want to deal with their attention. They’re going to ask a million questions I likely won’t have the answers to, and then I’ll get frustrated at them for doing what I would do in the same position.
The other problem? I actually need their advice.
They’re well aware that I haven’t dated since Leona.
What they don’t know is I haven’t slept with anyone since her either.
Kissing Farrah made my body react in ways it hasn’t in years.
I have no fucking idea how to navigate that, but I’m not about to go admitting to my best friends that I’m terrified I’ll shoot off like a rocket the second I get my hands on her.
I also don’t have anyone else I trust as much as I do these guys, so…here goes.
I get out of my truck, my boots clomping across Grayson’s wooden front porch. The noise coming from inside is enough to make me second-guess walking through that door. I do it anyway.
“Knox! Get your loved-up ass in here,” Gray calls from the kitchen.
I’ve always thought Grayson’s home has the atmosphere I wish mine had when I was a kid.
There are toys all over the floor and decorations that make this place feel homey instead of sterile.
I’m proud of how well he’s provided London with a loving place to grow up, despite having to do it on his own.
Luckily for him, he’s got a decent relationship with London’s mom, who lives a town over from us.
I automatically dip my head as I step into his kitchen. It isn’t likely I’d actually crack my skull on the top of the doorframe, but it’s close enough to make me flinch.
“Finally!” Gray says from the table. “I thought you’d sit in your truck the whole night.”
Holt and Emmett laugh in agreement. To my horror, heat moves through my face. Thank god for my beard.
“Took me a minute to decide if I wanted to deal with your bullshit,” I quip.
Gray gasps with dramatic flair. A smirk ticks up the corner of my mouth.
I turn on the oven and then lay out cookie dough onto a sheet tray.
Several years ago, I’d been craving something sweet and threw a whole bunch of random stuff into a basic cookie dough.
They turned out ten times better than I thought they would, and now I’m required to bring them anytime I hang out with my friends.
“Okay, grumpy bear. You’ve stalled long enough,” Holt says after I finish washing my hands.
He’s right. I am stalling, but I’m not fucking telling them that. “None of you will get cookies if you keep being assholes.”
Grayson squawks. “I didn’t say anything!”
I roll my eyes, sitting at the table while my friends stare at me. “What?”
Gray scrunches his face. “I was kind of hoping the grumpiness would be gone now that you’re getting some.”
My deadpan expression makes him laugh.
“Seriously, though,” Emmett jumps in. “What happened between you and Farrah?”
I shrug. “I’m not entirely sure. After you guys told me to get my shit together, I worked to check my impulse to snap at her any time she was around.
Then we kept running into each other, and each interaction was better than the last until at Lauren’s party, Mrs. Basil said something about her that made me realize I might be attracted to her. Now here we are.”
My three best friends stare at me for a long moment before they all start speaking at once.
“There are so many missing details, it’s astounding,” Emmett says.
“That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.” Holt scoffs.
“No way that’s the whole story,” Gray shouts.
I’m not sure what else they expected from me. I’m not a talker. I don’t share my feelings. I’m not going to wax poetic about Farrah even if she does deserve to be written into a sonnet. It’s just not my style. I’m an action kind of guy. You’ll know how I feel about you by the things I do for you.
The oven beeps, signaling it’s done preheating, so I take the opportunity for a break from the interrogation. The cookies go in, and I set the timer on the stove.
“Here’s the deal. The whys and hows of Farrah and me getting to this point are irrelevant. They happened, and now I need to figure out what I do next.”
Holt frowns. “What do you mean? You’re dating, right?”
I shrug, which makes the three of them groan.
“Okay, lads, we’ve got our work cut out for us.” Grayson rubs his hands together.
I sit back and listen while my best friends debate about the best way for Farrah and me to move forward. Half of their ideas are bullshit, and you wouldn’t find me doing any of them under threat of death.
Gray’s idea? Write her a love note—absolutely fucking not.
Emmett’s suggestion was to bring her flowers and tell her how much I like her.
The flowers are fine. Not exactly my style, but I have a feeling Farrah would appreciate something like that.
I’m not going to get sappy about how I feel though.
She knows my thoughts, and I doubt it’s necessary to keep hammering the point home.
Holt’s the only one who came up with a decent idea. He said I should plan a picnic for just the two of us. I probably should’ve just gone to him in the first place.
“How about we have a group outing at Howling Wolf?” Holt offers. “With all of us there, it would take a little of the pressure off you.”
“But you need to invite her to go with you. Make it clear you’re going together,” Emmett adds.
Gray also throws in his two cents. “And you have to offer to dance with her. She may not like dancing, so if she says no, then fine, but you have to ask.”
I’m sure my face is expressing exactly how I feel about that idea. I hate dancing. I have no rhythm, so I end up looking like an idiot.
“Look, I know it’s not your thing, but if everyone else is dancing with someone, she’ll wonder why you aren’t asking her.”
I nod reluctantly at Grayson. He’s right, as much as I don’t want him to be.
“So we’ll plan a gathering? Maybe next weekend?” Holt asks. “I can see if Mom and Dad will have a sleepover at their house for the kids.”
Gray smirks. “You just want a night alone with Gia.”
“Fuck yes, I do. We’ve barely had a moment to ourselves the past couple of weeks. Leah’s been having nightmares, and Lauren always follows her in to sleep with us.”
My brain gets stuck on the thought of having the whole night alone with Farrah. I don’t expect her to stay over, but I can’t deny the way my body stirs. It’s been years since I’ve felt the curl of desire deep in my gut.
I hadn’t realized it before, but Farrah’s had this effect on me a whole lot longer than just since our kiss. I’ve always thought she was beautiful, but the trauma from my past made me twist her beauty into something ugly. I’ll regret that for a long time to come.
The guys start talking about going out on a family ride in a few weeks.
We try to have one every summer. We bring our horses out to Holt’s family’s farm and camp out overnight.
The first time we did it was more fun than I thought it would be.
I’d love to host it on my land, but it’s usually too busy with tourists to be private.
By the time I head home, my brain is buzzing with thoughts of having Farrah by my side on the family camping trip.
In all these years, I’ve never felt alone.
I had my friends. I had Finn. I never wanted anything more than that.
But the image of Farrah riding next to me or sharing a tent or, fuck, even dancing with her, overwhelms me with longing.
I still don’t know what it is about her that’s changed everything I thought I knew. It should terrify me. I liked my well-ordered life. It’s predictable, comfortable.
But Farrah adds a shine to my days that I don’t think I can live without now. Just thinking about her makes me want to see her.
And before I know it, I’m pulling into her driveway. Her truck is out front, so I park next to it. I have no idea what I’m doing here or why. I just couldn’t end my night without seeing her first.
Since Finn is hanging with Holt’s girls tonight, I have the whole night to myself. And I want to spend it with Farrah.