10. age twelve
age twelve
Iperfected the art of avoiding Atlas Blake.
It had been eight days since he was a complete jerk in his backyard.
The last time we’d spent that many days apart was when his family went on a cruise.
I’d spent their entire vacation tracking the days in my little planner—one I’d bought for school but rarely actually used.
It had been torture, waiting for him to return.
This was much, much worse.
The first three days, I was convinced he’d show up at any moment to apologize.
It wasn’t like I had a lot of friends. A simple apology was all I needed.
An I’m sorry I was a total jerk and was more loyal to a random stranger than to you, my absolute best friend.
Won’t ever happen again, and if it does, I give you permission to smite me.
By the fourth day, I realized he wasn’t going to apologize at all.
After rejecting me in front of his new friends, Atlas Blake didn’t seem the least bit concerned in patching things up with me.
Maybe he wasn’t sorry. Maybe, I’d reacted exactly the way he hoped, and he was relieved I hadn’t shown up the next day to hang out like I typically did.
And now, on the eighth day, I decided I shouldn’t be concerned either. So what if Atlas didn’t want to be my friend anymore? Who cared? Not me, that was for sure.
I’d even texted a couple of girls from last year’s home room. Mom was going to take us to the water park next weekend, and by that time, I was confident I’d be so over Atlas I’d forget he existed. I’d see him in the fall for eighth grade, and I’d struggle to remember his name.
“Are you ready to talk about it yet?”
I looked up from my ukulele. I’d watched a couple videos on YouTube on how to use a capo, but I was somehow messing it up. It looked so easy when other people did it. The problem was that I was stupid, of course. That was why the strumming sounded funky, no matter where I placed it.
“About what?” I was playing dumb and from the way Nat arched an eyebrow, she knew it.
“You’ve been avoiding Atlas.” She closed her book and abandoned it on the foot of my bed. She scooted up until we were shoulder to shoulder, and when I started to strum again, she grabbed my hand. “What happened, Vi?”
“I already told you.” I clung to my ukulele, staring at the capo rather than my sister. She was too observant sometimes. “I just don’t feel like hanging out with him.”
“He hasn’t come over here either.”
“Yeah, well, obviously he doesn’t feel like hanging out with me either then.” I shoved the ukulele off my lap, flinching when it fell onto the floor. “What’s it matter?”
This time, Nat didn’t respond. She just stared at me, brown eyes narrowed curiously. I regretted throwing my ukulele on the floor. Now I didn’t have anything to distract myself. I was forced to stare straight ahead and pretend I didn’t feel the weight of my sister’s attention.
When I couldn’t take the silence anymore, I sagged back into my pillows.
“He got mad at me.” I admitted. “For playing with him and his friends, but it wasn’t even my fault. His friend pulled me into it.”
Nat was quiet for a long moment.
“Which friend?”
“Chase.” I rolled my eyes. “What does that matter?”
“So, the cute one.” Nat waggled her brows. “If you ask me, I’d say it matters a lot. Obviously Atlas was jealous.”
“Nat—”
“Don’t worry,” she said mischievously. “I have an idea.”
“He wasn’t jealous. He was annoyed. There’s a difference.” When Nat leapt off my bed, I reached for her, catching her sleeve. “Nat! Don’t do anything dumb. You’re going to make it worse.”
She laughed and tried to run, but I yanked on her shirt. For just a second, the collar tugged down. That was all it took. I gasped, releasing her immediately. Nat quickly pulled her collar up, her laughter dying abruptly. Blush seared her neck and cheeks.
“Is that a bruise?” I asked, lowering my voice. “When…how did you get that?”
“Forget you saw it.” She swallowed, eyes darting away from me.
“Did Michael do that?” I demanded, raising my voice slightly.
“No. Now lower your voice.” She surged closer, teeth bared. “You didn’t see that, okay?”
This time, when her gaze moved away from me, I knew she wasn’t avoiding mine. She was checking the hallway. Making sure we were alone.
The realization settled in my gut like the heaviest of stones.
I knew. I knew right in that moment who had given her the bruise.
I’d had suspicions over the past couple months, but Dad had never touched me like that.
Not hard enough to leave a mark. Seeing them, his fingerprints stained against her skin…
I needed to say something. I knew I had to convince Nat to tell Mom. Maybe, this would finally be the thing to make her leave. And if it wasn’t, maybe there was something the two of us could figure out.
There were so many things I should have said, but instead, I said nothing at all.
“Now, back to Atlas.” Nat cleared her throat, like she was trying not to cry. “You’ll have to trust me, Vi.”
“Okay,” I whispered. Because I didn’t know how to say the things that actually mattered.
That night, I was back in the Blake house for the first time in over a week. I didn’t know how Nat had arranged it, and I decided it was better not to ask. The less I made a deal out of this, the less it would hurt when Atlas inevitably told me he didn’t want to be friends anymore.
The four of us sat in the basement. Nat and Phoebe claimed the couch, their legs tangled together while they giggled over something on Phoebe’s phone.
I laid across the carpet on my stomach, ankles crossed behind me.
Atlas was on the oversized armchair, and aside from offering me his seat, he hadn’t spoken to me since I got here. He’d barely even looked at me.
I was working hard to do the same, to act as unaffected as he actually was.
Our movie was halfway over, and I was pretty sure I was the only one watching.
It was a decent show, at least. Identical twin sisters had secretly swapped places, and their lives depended on them maintaining the ruse.
We were at the part where the romantic lead was getting suspicious of his girlfriend when the movie suddenly stopped.
“Hey!” I shouted before I could remember to play it cool. I whipped around to glare at Phoebe. “Don’t pause it now! He’s about to—”
“This requires popcorn,” she interrupted. She untangled from Nat and hopped up from the couch. Seconds later, they were both in the stairwell and out of sight. The door slammed behind them.
I scowled at the TV. The main girl and her twin’s boyfriend were frozen on the screen, their faces twisted in anger. They were going to kiss, I decided. Despite their anger and frustration, they were inevitably going to kiss.
Extra messy, since he now suspected she wasn’t his real girlfriend. Was she going to admit the truth? Kiss him to distract him? Neither or maybe—
“They took the remote.”
I startled and looked at Atlas. He remained in the armchair, but he’d twisted away from the TV to face the couch. Another swivel, and he was facing me.
My mouth went dry. I should’ve known this was part of Nat’s plan. Extra humiliating, since that probably meant Phoebe was in on it, too. I assumed they’d be here the whole time and I wouldn’t have to talk to Atlas. Now that we were alone, I couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
“Do you like the movie?” I asked finally. My voice was rough, but it was the best I could do. I stared at the TV instead of Atlas, afraid I’d start to cry if I so much as looked at him. He ignored me for eight days, and now, he was acting like everything was normal.
“Not really,” he said. “Seems dumb. There’s no way that guy wouldn’t realize his girlfriend was an imposter. He would’ve known in, like, five minutes.”
“Easy for you to say.” I scoff. “You’ve seen both sides. This guy doesn’t even know she has a twin!”
“Doesn’t matter.” Atlas shifted in his chair before standing. He stood there for a few seconds, just looking down at me.
“Are you going to get the remote?” My attention was locked on the TV, but I could see him moving in my peripheral vision. Not toward the stairs, but closer to me. He sat, cross-legged, his knee brushing my hip. My shirt had ridden up, just enough I could feel his bare skin against mine.
“You were right,” he said, the words so mumbled and rushed I could barely understand them. “I was being an asshole.”
“I said you were an asshole,” I clarified. “Not just that you were being one.”
Atlas let out a startled laugh, and despite the betrayal simmering in my gut, I echoed it.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I wasn’t sure that was the truth, but he’d apologized. It wasn’t like he could go back in time and not be an asshole. I expected Atlas to get up, and go back to his chair, but he remained at my side.
I swallowed and glanced at the stairwell. Had Nat and Phoebe walked to the store to get our popcorn? Or maybe they were collecting the corn from a farm somewhere? Or were they standing at the closed door, ears pressed to it, giggling at my discomfort?
“I like the movie,” I said, just to end the awkward silence.
Without looking, I knew Atlas was looking at me.
I could feel those green eyes on me. “I think it’d be cool to have a twin.
Switch places. See if anyone figured it out.
Hopefully, my twin would be British. Like in The Parent Trap. That would be cool.”
“You can’t do a British accent,” Atlas said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “And I’d figure it out immediately.”
“You would not,” I said crossly. I turned to look at him, offering my best glare.
When his serious expression didn’t budge, I rotated off my stomach and onto my knees.
Atlas startled when we came face to face, but I didn’t slow my words.
And even though he’d just apologized, I couldn’t hide the lingering hurt.
“You’d be too busy with your new friends. You wouldn’t even notice.”
“Trust me. I’d notice.”
The blush I’d hoped to see when I first wore that bikini happened now.
It was a slow expansion of red, starting at his neck and crawling all the way up to his ears.
I was blushing too, and I was desperately trying to make it stop.
It was impossible though. Atlas was looking at me, and there was something different in his expression. Like he was staring right into my soul.
“In the first minute,” he added. “Five, tops.”
“I highly doubt that.” I glanced at the TV.
The main character had dyed her hair blue a few scenes earlier.
It was one of the first things to tip off the boyfriend.
His true girlfriend would never do that.
Glancing at Atlas, I shrugged. “You would’ve figured it out with the hair though, that’s for sure.
Something would be very wrong if I dyed my hair blue. ”
“What about other colors?” Atlas smiled, and it did something terrible to my insides. Made them feel warm and soft and tingly. “Purple? Green?”
“Well, I’d never dye my hair at all.” I was rambling now, and with each passing second, I talked faster. “Nothing against it. I just like my hair how it is. And I’d look terrible with blue hair.”
“You couldn’t look terrible if you tried.” His blush got impossibly darker.
“Not even if—”
Whatever I planned to say ceased to exist the moment Atlas pressed his lips against mine.
I’d never been kissed before. I was sure he hadn’t either.
But there was this inexplicable certainty in the way he moved, like maybe he’d been thinking about this for some time now.
He held my face between both hands, lips soft and slow against mine.
I was shaking through my entire body. Nerves ricocheted around my bones, but I didn’t dare pull away. No, I pulled him closer. Grabbed his wrists to keep his hands on my face, desperate not to let the moment end.
When the door to the basement clanged open, striking the stairwell wall, Atlas and I sprung apart. His eyes were wide, cheeks flushed and lips parted. I’d kissed those lips. I’d tasted them, and I already knew I wanted to taste them again.
Phoebe and Nat laughed loudly as they descended, and I got the creeping suspicion they’d been listening after all. Atlas flashed me a quick, nervous smile before hurrying back to his spot.
By the time our sisters rounded the stairwell, two bowls of popcorn between them, Atlas was slouched in his chair and I was on my stomach. I stared intently at the TV, as if I’d never looked away.
Only once Phoebe started the movie again did I sneak a glance at Atlas. His chair was turned toward the TV, but I could see his profile. He was already looking at me, and right then, I knew I was ruined.