Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Knox
I’d been mostly avoiding Briar ever since our encounter in the healer’s room. I’d taken her into the woods to gather her mushrooms but barely spoke to her. I’d spent most of the time desperate to get away, while contemplating fucking her, and being confused by her strange behavior.
I should have pressed her more about the way she was acting in the woods, but when those creatures started screaming, I far preferred to take her back to the castle and forget about her. Unfortunately, she was impossible to forget.
I wanted her gone from here…. The idea of her leaving infuriated me.
I disliked being anywhere near her…. I loathed being apart from her.
The constant back-and-forth—the push-and-pull—was driving me insane.
After leaving her in the castle, I’d spent two days in beast form, hunting invaders in the woods and slaughtering anything that didn’t belong in my kingdom.
It had taken half an hour to wash all the blood from me, but all the killing and release of my rage didn’t ease my increasingly consuming need for her.
Eventually, I had to return to the castle. The beast and I both had to see her again.
I prowled the hallways for her, but she wasn’t in the healer’s room, her tower, or the library. Growing irritated, I stalked toward the windows overlooking the earth moss; she wasn’t there either.
Sniffing the air, I tried tracking her through the castle, but her scent permeated everything now.
Whenever I caught a stronger trail, it faded before I found her.
She was either moving all over the castle or purposely trying to avoid me; either way, I was becoming increasingly irate and tired of chasing her.
I followed another trail out to the bailey and around to the stables, where I finally found her with Zephyr and her ever-present rat.
They stood around a cluster of rosebushes that were probably stable boys; the youth had most likely gathered to talk about girls or the coins tossed to them throughout the day.
The stable boys were always scrambling around, trying to stay out of the way, while laughing and talking with each other. I was still young when I last saw them, yet they’d always been deferential to me.
They’d tended to my horse but mostly avoided talking to me like I wasn’t barely older than them. I’d hated it.
My father didn’t accept me, and neither did my siblings. I had no friends, and the boys closest to my age often went out of their way to avoid the alpha’s youngest child. I’d hated them for the laughter they stifled when they saw me, but I’d give anything to hear it again.
Except her. I wouldn’t give her up.
Shit, what is wrong with me? Where did that come from?
Before she came back into my life, everything was simple… revenge, death, and breaking the curse. That was all I lived for, and I was happy with it.
I’d never anticipated how much it would affect me to have her in my life again. I’d expected everything to be straightforward when I entered the harem for her.
She’d betrayed me. I would destroy her.
Except nothing with Briar was straightforward. I shook my head as confusion, doubt, and rage warred with each other. Every time I was certain I believed she hadn’t betrayed me, doubt crept in again.
Why am I so fucked-up?
Because they tore you away from your mate, threw you into a harem, and raped you for seven years.
The woman who captured you, your mate’s mother, taunted you with tales of her betrayal throughout those years, never let you forget she knew it all, and claimed her daughter was the reason for your suffering.
And then, when you finally escaped the harem, it was because her mother twisted you into a monster she never could have anticipated.
Then you learned your kingdom, your entire family, and everything you knew was devastated by the same woman who stole years of your life. That’s what’s wrong with you.
While I didn’t exactly appreciate my own inner words, they were true. They were also the reason why my head was a disaster. The problem was, I didn’t know how to fix it.
I’d asked Briar to be broken with me, and she’d said she’d rather heal with me, but I didn’t know how to heal.
Moving on from the past would be one way to do so, but how could I do that when my kingdom was in ruins, my family trapped in a curse because of me, and my mate was the daughter of the woman I most loathed?
I’d hoped to use Briar to break the curse, but that wasn’t going to happen. I saw the way her mother looked at her, and while they could be plotting with each other to bring me down, I didn’t think they were.
Are you so sure?
That hideous, doubtful voice reared its ugly head again. When I lowered my head into my hands, my claws extended to dig into my skull. Warm blood welled and trickled down my face; it dripped off my chin before splatting onto the ground.
I hated this constant uncertainty surrounding Briar.
Should I set her free? The elf would take care of her.
But the idea of her with Devnair caused my claws to dig deeper. She believed he was a friend, but the elf wanted to fuck her, and I would never let that happen.
I couldn’t turn her loose in the kingdoms; she’d never survive out there. She claimed to have no intention of returning to the casters, but she might not have a choice.
Her mother would destroy her, and the day casters might toss her aside. She was different than them and unbound.
If the day casters did take her in, it would probably be with the condition that she bind herself to Sol. I wouldn’t let that happen either.
She could go live in No Man’s Land; plenty of forgotten, ostracized, and outlaw eternals lived there, and she knew the place better than anyone. She could hide there, but if they found her, those eternals would devour her.
She was so beautiful and, despite her upbringing, still incredibly na?ve and innocent. It wouldn’t be long before someone raped her, beat her, or killed her.
It would be far easier to have Briar out of my life, but no matter her heritage, I couldn’t condemn her to that. No matter what she said, she wasn’t strong enough to fend off most eternals.
Yes, she had powers and abilities that would help keep her safe, but their strength and numbers would overwhelm her. And once they did…. A snarl curved my lips as my fingers dug deeper.
I hated the casters for what they’d done to me, but I couldn’t let the same thing happen to her.
I didn’t know how to fix or change any of this. I certainly couldn’t fix myself, and while I didn’t think Briar was the evil bitch I’d believed her to be while in the harem, she deserved better than these fragmented, shattered pieces of me.
That was true, and it was a cruel fate to hand her, but I’d never let another have her.
I was a selfish prick, and I didn’t give a shit. There was no way I could live while knowing another man’s hands were on her, and I certainly wouldn’t allow another dick inside her. I’d tear it off and ram it up his ass before removing his testicles and jamming them down his throat first.
While I was in the harem, there was nothing I could do to stop her from being with another, but it turned out I didn’t have to. Briar was supposed to remain pure until her Needing; I took that from her, and her mother punished her for it, but she remained off-limits to the casters.
I was the only man she’d ever known, and it would stay that way.
However, I had to figure out what to do with her and how to handle my volatile emotions around her. Taking a deep breath, I retracted my claws. When I did, fresh blood pooled and ran free to streak my face.
I didn’t bother to wipe it away. I’d shed my blood many, many times over the years, and I’d shed it far more in the years to come.
Instead, I let it spill as I watched Briar with Zephyr and the rat. That rodent rarely left her side, and while it was on the ground, happily munching on a piece of fruit, I had no doubt it would go on the attack if something threatened her.
I despised the thing, but I was glad it offered her some protection. And Zephyr was absolutely enthralled as he watched her stopper the potion and slip it into her pocket.
She was so beautiful, and if everything she’d told me was true, she was as kind as I’d believed her to be all those years ago.
My eyes traced the delicate curve of her neck and the way strands of hair fell to frame the delicate contours of her profile.
There was a time when I’d traced every inch of her, memorized all the details, and reveled in her warmth and beauty.
There was a time when I felt free to do so, but that time had come and gone.
“I’d rather heal with you.”
Her words ran through my head again. With them came a longing so intense it stole my breath.
What would it be like to heal with her?
I’d never know the answer to that.
As if sensing my attention, Briar’s head turned toward me. Her mouth gaped when she spotted me in the shadows.
I could only imagine what I looked like, standing there bleeding from the holes I’d dug into my head. I should leave, but she should see the worst of me, see how fucked I was, and maybe she would understand.
When she stepped toward me, I turned and slid around the barn.
“Knox!” she called after me.
I didn’t look back, and by the time her footsteps came around the stable, I was already gone. I’d spent all that time scrubbing the blood from me, and now I’d return to the woods to bathe in it again.