Chapter 5 #2
We were at a stalemate. A game of taunts and dead bodies, with neither side wanting to take the final first step and erupt into all-out war.
The last true war was during my mother’s reign, and both sides suffered greatly.
Although I had fought alongside this army countless times in my younger years, we needed time to adjust to Viv’s and my leadership before I asked them to sacrifice that much again.
I could tell that our enemies were testing the waters, gathering their resources in preparation for something big; Cain’s reports mirrored as much from his whispers and shadows.
They saw me as an untested leader and an opportunity to finally take that which they wanted: my peoples lands.
In doing so, they would execute every single one of my people or indenture them into servitude.
Sebastian did not fight this battle for some noble pursuit. He wanted absolute power and dominance.
The latest game of cat and mouse between us had escalated slightly before the Wiccans came to reinforce the wards, following a group of Morgadians who kidnapped one of my generals in the night and returned him in the morning with no hands and no feet, never to fight again.
This was a significant step and a clear message that things would escalate beyond a few dead bodies here and there. It was about to get truly sinister.
‘On the way to the Academy I’m taking the long route and will stop by the border and send a message back to that swine Sebastian.
Do not send word of my arrival. I want it to be…
a surprise.’ I grinned with excitement at the prospect of dipping my toes back into the fight.
It had been a while since I last held my sword, surrounded by my soldiers, staring down at my enemies.
A thrilling chill ran up my spine. This is what I lived for.
This was the only thing that pulled me out of the misery of my life. Ruining others.
Viv chuckled. ‘I thought you would say something like that. We leave tonight if we want to make it to the border by morning and the Academy in time for the ball, factoring in a detour.’ She knew there was no use trying to persuade me otherwise.
After ironing out the details of our journey and my expectations—since this would be my first time seeing many of these people as Queen—I dismissed them.
I wanted to prepare myself for the long ride ahead.
Riding on horseback through the night was not only a wonderful way to go unnoticed, but also the crisp night air and stillness of the forest—aside from the rustle of the wind—made me feel at home.
It was the only time the world around me mirrored what lurked within me.
Visarous lingered after the others had left.
Rising from my chair, I made my way to the door.
Stone slammed against my back knocking the air from my lungs as nails dug into my wrist. Warmth prickled my skin as his body pressed against mine.
I was shocked, but I didn’t let it show.
Visarous was always in control, even when he appeared not to be.
Just last night he had reigned me in when I wanted him and nearly lost myself.
I watched him, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed me in.
I wanted to know what was going through his mind; he had never been so brazen before.
‘Have a suicide wish do you?’ I goaded. His eyes finally stopped looking through me, consumed by his thoughts, as they finally focused on me.
There were so many emotions running through his eyes that I couldn’t pick just one, but he decided for me.
Smirking, he pinned my arms above my head, his knee caressing the inside of my thigh and spreading my knees apart.
Dragging his teeth, I felt them graze across my neck before he bit down on my earlobe, a burst of pleasure and pain entwining itself in my core.
Every touch sent shivers down my spine as I throbbed in anticipation of his thigh pressing against me.
I wanted him. There had always been something underlying and palpable between us.
We flirted and taunted each other over the years, falling into each other’s arms to lick our wounds.
Visarous drew his body closer to mine, breathing into my ear.
I dared not move because if I did, I was worried I would succumb to my most primal needs and lose all rationality.
I would not sink into this desire, not after his rejection last night.
I still had my pride, even if I no longer had a grip on my sanity.
Drawing his lips up from my neck until they were brushing against my ear he breathed, ‘I regret last night. When I left your room, I spent all night thinking about how you would feel, and what I would do. I wanted to know if your body still reacted to me the way it used to. I only said no because you belong to your people; that much you’ve made clear.
But here you are, right in front of me. I want you to be mine again.
Do you know how torturous every single fucking day is for me?
No matter what or who I do, I cannot stop thinking about you.
’ He pulled back to look at me, assessing my reaction to him.
I gave him nothing. My body was aflame with desire but he would have no inclination.
Undeterred, he continued, ‘Since day one at the Academy. That was the first time I saw you as more than just Viv’s friend and the girl I grew up with.
You were fierce, unrelenting and so incredibly sexy.
’ He bit his lip and I felt him grow against me.
‘You mean the day I was drugged and had the shit beaten out of me while I was unconscious and bleeding. I didn’t know you were so sadistic, Visarous,’ I remarked snidely.
‘No. When you regained consciousness, stood up and spat the blood that was pooling in your mouth out. You tore off the skirt of your dress and broke every hand that had touched you. You were incredible, powerful and so fucking sexy. That’s when I wanted you.
The same hands that tore through their flesh, I wanted to feel on mine.
The way you spat at their feet, I wanted you to spit on me, wetting me before I slid inside of you. ’
‘So a masochist then?’ I prodded. Now, this was not what I had been expecting. We had been physical in the past, but it was nothing like the images he was placing in my mind in this moment.
‘Do you know what I would do for you?’ I raised a brow inviting him to enlighten me.
‘If you wanted to hurt me, God, I would let you. I have pictured every touch in every way. I would be whatever you needed me to be. I would do whatever you need me to do. My sister is oath bound to you and your life, but my life is already yours; it was never my own and it never will be.’
It hurt to see him desperate and in so much pain.
I broke a wrist free so easily that he smiled, but then he looked at me in shock as I placed it on his cheek.
‘I’m sorry. Part of me wants you, but not in the way I now understand you want me.
I want you the way I did when we were teenagers.
A comforting touch at most. But you want more, more than I can give. I don’t even think I’m capable of it.’
‘You can give it, but you choose not to. You choose to isolate yourself and push away anyone who tries to get too close. I’m one of your oldest friends and even I don’t truly know you. But God, I want to. Let me in, Sky,’ he pleaded with eyes that shone with hope.
‘Why now?’ I asked, confused by the sudden change in him.
‘Call it my Hail Mary. I tried to push these feelings aside and I succeeded for a time, but I can’t watch you day in and day out and not act after that taste last night.
Do you know what it’s like to constantly deny myself?
I made the decision to take the Spirit Caster oath, and since then, I have denied every passion of mine—including you—and my soul has grown weary.
Last night, all I could think about was Cain’s arms wrapped around you and how it should be me comforting you,’ he explained, trailing a finger up my leather-clad thighs, tracing the belt that sheathed my sword and the boning of my top.
I inclined my head; an invitation. He drew in closer.
I brought my lips to his neck and his body tensed before I dragged my tongue up and over his bottom lip then bit into it.
I sunk my teeth in so deeply that I drew blood as he screamed and slammed a fist into the wall above me.
Pushing me away, he swore before stepping back, trying to wipe the blood that had pooled down his face. Blood dripped down my chin and onto the floor between us. He was stunned and angry. He was angrier than I had ever seen him.
‘You and your pretty words will not be my downfall,’ I spat, then turned and left the council room, slamming the door shut behind me.
‘You’re fucking crazy!’ he yelled at the closed door as I marched all the way to my chambers.
As soon as I was in the safety of my room, I collapsed on the floor, panting heavily.
What on earth just happened? Even more concerning was how much I wanted it.
The feel of him, the honest vulnerability.
I had never been so attracted to him. But he was right; I could never belong to anyone.
I belonged to my people and this land; I was responsible for every living and deceased soul.
I would serve them and only them until my last breath.
That was the oath I had made to myself, alongside the unspoken one that was the real reason I wouldn’t entertain something with anyone, not just him.
Vengeance consumed me, and until I experienced Sebastian’s death in reality and not just on the pages of the Oracle, my desires didn’t matter.
They were distractions. His hands would be a pleasant diversion, but not something I could truly bask in.