Chapter 19
Nineteen
As queen, I had many people who would willingly fawn over me and ensure I never had to lift a finger, but that had never been something I was comfortable with.
I filled a pack with some spare clothes and extra weapons, then stared at the empty space left in my bag as I pondered what to bring the Wiccans as a gift for their insights.
The Elders did not crave coin; instead, they desired loyalty, and one demonstration of loyalty was a sacrifice of some kind.
The gift would have to be something I didn’t want to part with.
I chose my sister’s necklace. Where I always wore gold, her favourite was silver.
At the bottom of the long chain was a hollow sphere that was as intricate as lace.
Inside sat what looked like a pearl, except that if it moved just right, it emitted a soft bell chime.
I placed the dark blue velvet case in which it lay into my pack.
Tightening the sheath of my sword around my side, I looked at myself in the mirror.
I was ready; I looked like an assassin in dark leathers, with blades strapped to every square inch of space I could find that wouldn’t impede my movement, and a hooded cape that rested on my shoulders, helping to keep the chill from the wind at bay.
I heard a knock at the door and saw Visarous step into the room, gently closing the door behind him.
He looked at me uncertainly. My veins thrummed lightly, as the flame always did in Visarous's presence.
It could sense that he was hiding the truth of his feelings from me.
Every conversation was a dance of how honest he could be with me.
Even when it seemed he was running at me without any reservations, he was always holding part of himself back.
He was protecting some part of his heart.
‘My Queen. I wanted to talk to you about the dark magic in the Ancient Forest. I think… I think we should find a way to use it against Morgad before Sebastian can use it against us.’
I looked at him, raising an eyebrow, confused by his words. ‘Visarous, you do realise you are a Spirit Caster? Your whole purpose is to separate the light from the dark, and now you want me to use it when we don’t even know what it is? Have you lost your mind?’ I asked.
He shook his head as he sucked on his lip, carefully considering what words to choose.
‘I don’t care, Skylar. I don’t care if it goes against everything I have dedicated my life to; I would abandon the cloth in an instant if it meant protecting the people I love—protecting you,’ he said as he stepped towards me, clasping my hand.
I peeled his fingers off me. ‘Visarous, we spoke of this. Enough. Now, as for the darkness that lurks in the forest, I think it unwise. Let us first see what the Wiccans have to say before we consider anything as unpredictable as using dark magic. The risk is too high. Nothing is worth unlocking unknown evils in our lands.’
‘You’re worth it. The threat is too significant to not be considering this now. Please, just tell me you’ll think about it, Sky. I don’t want anything happening to you,’ he said, biting through his lower lip.
‘Enough, Visarous. I need to get ready to leave with Sienna,’ I said, pushing past him. Visarous’s fingers grazed my hand before he grabbed me around my waist and pulled me back into his chest. He nuzzled himself into the crook of my neck and my hair as he inhaled deeply, savouring my scent.
‘Visarous,’ I bit out as I stood there rigid, fighting the temptation to melt into the familiar comfort of his arms and seeking a distraction from my reality while also feeling a prickle trail over my skin, telling me this wasn’t our person. This soul bonding was starting to sink its claws into me.
‘Do one thing for me on this trip, Skylar,’ he said, trailing his other hand up my forearm, making my skin shiver.
‘Think of me every night as you stare up at the stars, think of me as your eyes close and you lose yourself to dreams of me. Let me consume your mind, remember the feel of my fingers trailing your skin. Remember the heat of my breath in your ear and the sound of my voice as I call your name. I want to consume your every thought, the way you consume mine. Then come back to me. Come back home to me and tell me you were wrong. Tell me you want me in every way that I want you,’ he breathed, before stepping away and leaving the room.
I stood there for a while, unmoving trying to steady my breath.
No man had ever spoken sweeter words to me, and I knew then that I would do exactly what he had asked.
I would think about this moment every second I was away from these halls, but not because I wanted to; but because every word he uttered brought Demir flashing through my mind.
I was truly losing it, and I needed to find some way to break this bond.
Geraldine slipped me a note from Cain before we departed.
Sienna and I rode for eight hours without stopping.
My girl Vixen could have kept running for another ten, but Sienna’s girl, Calliope, did not have the same stamina.
We found ourselves just outside the Forest Fae territory within my lands.
We had not sent word ahead, as we didn’t want anything to leak to our enemies.
It meant we had to be cautious in case anyone felt threatened and decided to attack first and ask questions later.
The Forest Fae were notoriously skittish.
There was a reason they had lived deep in the trees for so long.
They did not trust easily. That is why my mother’s alliance with them was so poorly received.
It had never been done before, and Fae on both sides were apprehensive, to say the least, about whether it could truly be a success.
But here we were, with the alliance holding strong to this day.
That is not to say we haven’t had our fair share of challenges and moments of tension.
When I first ascended the throne a year ago, we teetered on the brink of civil unrest once more, as the Forest Fae knew me only from the stories they had heard of my ruthlessness on the battlefield.
They thought of me as a bloodthirsty killer; they were not wrong.
However, it took me some time to convince them that I was more than that.
It took two months of visits and peace talks before it was finally decided to maintain the alliance.
The deciding factor in their decision not to attack was their fear of me.
After my sister was slaughtered, I went back to the now retreated Morgadian army camp in the dead of night.
I burnt it all down while they slept, all one-hundred and fifty soldiers dead at my hands.
Those that managed to flee I hunted down and by day break their bodies were in pieces. It eased the grief, but only slightly.
Sienna began unravelling her sleeping furs. There would be no fire so as to remain inconspicuous. She brought out a pouch of wine as we indulged in some bread and cheeses.
‘Care for a sip to forget your worries?’ she asked, quirking a brow.
I groaned. ‘What happened to facing my worries? Was that not your whole point with the Awakening?’ I asked mockingly.
She stifled a laugh before taking a drink and holding it out to me.
Reluctantly, I gripped it and took a long drink.
I did not care for drinks that clouded the mind and slowed the body; they made me feel like my control was slipping.
But after everything that had happened, I realised I had no control over anything anymore, and some part of me wanted to revel in it and let go of any illusions of control I still clung to.
Looking at the night sky I thought of Visarous’ words and shivered at the uncomfortable feeling they evoked within me. Was it him or was it the bond? I didn’t truly know anymore. I drank deeply.
Handing the pouch back to Sienna I asked, ‘Do you remember when we met?’
I was a teenager during the first year of my mother’s alliance with the Wiccans and Forest Fae.
My mother sent me to live with the Wiccans for a year to learn their ways of life once we became allies.
I was merely collateral, someone the Wiccans could kill should my mother step out of line and break her promises.
I was abandoned and isolated from everyone I had ever known.
That is when I learnt I was truly alone in this world.
During that year, I lived with the Elders—five women who had been alive for hundreds of years but looked as though they were only twenty.
Sienna was the daughter of one of the Elders and was in training to become one herself.
The Wiccans were brutal with her; the training to become a high Wiccan was akin to torture—torture I was very familiar with.
My mother had put me through similar mental and physical tests to push me to my limits and create new ones, all with the purpose of finely tuning me and protecting our secrets should I ever fall into the hands of my enemies.
Sienna and I became very close during this time; I cared for her beaten and bloody body most nights and tended to her mental scars.
I saw myself in her, and soon we became kin.
The legends spoke of finding your true kin; it was discovering a bond of choice that surpassed family.
That’s who Sienna became to me. So, when I ascended to my throne and chose my advisors, I selected Sienna.
My people challenged my decision because, although we had long allied with the Wiccans, many still harboured distrust and fear of the unknown.
In return, I was brutal in my punishment.
I tied every nay sayer to the backs of the royal carriages and dragged them through the streets of the city.
After that, everyone was far too fearful to utter another word of dissent.
In time, she proved herself, and my people sought her out for her abilities once word spread.
Sienna let out a laugh while reminiscing about our first fateful encounter. ‘How could I forget? I took one look at you and thought you were a fucking bitch. There was just something about your face.’
Picking up a stone, I threw it at her and laughed. I rarely allowed myself to smile so genuinely. ‘The day I met you, I never thought we would find ourselves here after all these years,’ I said taking a deep breath before continuing on, ‘Sienna, thank you.’
She suddenly looked at me with tears brimming in her eyes.
‘No Sky, I should be the one thanking you. I never did during those months you stayed with us, when you took care of me when no one else would. Or when you fought against your own people to find a place for me. You showed me kindness; you showed me respect. It’s why I’m honoured to stand by your side.
It hurts me to see how everyone views you.
I know why you maintain the facade, but I wish the world could see what lies beneath.
What your heart is truly made of. Your kindness, your mercy. ’
Deflecting, I scoffed, ‘What heart?’
‘No,’ she said, grabbing my wrist ‘Your heart is pure. Your actions might not be, but I have never seen you be cruel just because. Everything you do is fuelled by something greater and the root of it is love. Love for your people.’
Sighing I shook my head. ‘Sienna, you’re wrong. I’m not capable of love. Most of what I have done has no other purpose than to be a release for me—a way to let the darkness out before it builds to be too much, consuming me,’ I explain.
With a knowing smirk, Sienna said, ‘Oh, how long you have lied to yourself! You actually believe that, don’t you? Tell me, how was it you met Cain?’
In my youth, when I was sixteen, during one of my month-long solo hunting trips in the Shadow Forest over summer break, I lost my footing and fell from a redwood tree.
These trees existed alongside the first dragons; some were as tall as mountains.
I awoke after the fall to see Cain’s face staring down at me.
He had come across me in the forest and nursed me back to health.
This was a few years after my mother’s alliance with the Wiccans and Forest Fae came into effect; things still weren’t truly stable.
He should have taken me to his leaders so that they could use me as leverage against my mother; it was the smart thing to do.
Instead, he helped me and looked after me as I recovered, hunted for me, and cared for me.
After that summer break, my solo hunting trips were never carried out alone again.
It was easy to talk to Cain, and his being mute meant he learnt to listen beyond words.
He was in tune with the subtleties of a person’s body language and the things their eyes were concealing.
The Forest Fae never appreciated this ability of his and had ostracised him for being different.
It was of no consequence to them that his inability to talk had not been his own doing but rather something that had been done to him by abusive parents and a sick society.
Where they saw someone broken, I saw myself in him.
Fire, determination and eyes that had depths one could never fully unravel.
‘I fail to see your point, Sienna,’ I said as I grabbed the wine and slung it back quickly, letting it burn my throat.
‘Cain, our cautious little bird—the one who never lets anybody in and never trusts anyone, much like yourself—saw you, saw through you, and chose to take care of you. Tell me, how does that not show you who you truly are? His whole gift is reading people; that's why you chose him as your Master of Secrets. Why don’t you trust how he read you?’
Rolling my eyes, I knocked back another sip of wine, letting the sounds of the night consume the silence between us.
This is one thing Sienna and I would never see eye-to-eye on.
Not because I didn’t believe she meant the words she was saying, but because I knew her.
She saw the good in everyone, even those who didn’t deserve it.
She saw in me only what she wanted to see, what she hoped to see. Blinded by love and loyalty to me.