Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
When I arrived in my room and closed the door behind me, I fell to the floor as shudders wracked my body.
I clenched my hands tightly, trying to stop the shaking, my breathing becoming shallow and fast. The panic was pulling me under.
I had just killed a man I realised I possibly could have far too late, and then there was that flash of Demir, guilt that had no place in me flickering to life.
I know this is what had to be done. There was no alternative, but suddenly I felt like a monster.
My life was littered with violence, but this is the first time I felt as though I was somehow wrong for what I had done.
No matter if everything he said was a lie, along with every touch, how could I be capable of killing someone that I had any affection towards?
Could I have killed my sister or my father?
Yes, if I had to, I would. Visarous was wrong about me being too weak for my throne, but he was right that I was undeserving.
His death proved how deep the darkness ran within me.
How tainted I was. I didn’t know a single ruler, other than King Sebastian, who would have done what I did, and that likeness scared me.
Soon, my breathing levelled out as my thoughts began to calm, and I dragged myself into bed.
I didn’t bother to change my clothes still covered in both of our blood and then I lay there on my side for hours staring at the stone wall.
A heaviness cloaked my body, leaving me unable to move.
I had nothing within me. Sienna knocked on my door to check on me, but I couldn’t even muster the strength to open my lips and utter a sound.
I remained in my bed for the rest of the day barely moving. Still in those same bloodied clothes. Not having eaten anything. Sienna and Geraldine tried to speak to me, but I was all but dead to the world.
That night, I slept in my bloody clothes, but somehow I found the strength to get out of bed and bathe the next morning. I made sure the water was almost boiling and soaked away all of the blood and heaviness.
After cleansing myself of my sins, I found myself back in the depths of the library, standing before the Oracle and having successfully avoided everyone as I walked through the halls.
As I opened the pages and smoke pooled onto the floor, I thought of what I needed to do next, the images that I had seen only momentarily before morphing into one.
I was standing before Demir, my hand outstretched.
I was frustrated but desperate for him to reach out.
The images morphed once more, and he was giving me a small book.
I felt a pull towards the object, like I was desperate to see what was contained within.
I knew I needed it for whatever was to come, that truth settled deep within me.
I pleaded with the book to show me more, it sent me an image of the grounds at the Academy where peacetalks were had. King Sebastian sat there laughing but I felt joy and certainty.
Having called a council meeting, I waited for the others to join me, including Jasper. I knew he had been there when I took Visarous’s life, and I had not sought him out or received any updates on him since he first arrived.
I sat in my chair, swirling my red wine as the others entered the room. A heaviness touched them all, but I was closed off and no longer cared.
Once everyone was seated, with Jasper taking Visarous’s usual seat—which almost made me wince a little—I sat in the uncomfortable silence, observing them all.
Geraldine watched me, impassive as always.
Sienna looked worried, and Viv appeared barely human; she could not bear to look at me.
Jasper was nervously fidgeting underneath the table.
‘Viv, pack your bags. I want you gone by the end of the day. Go hole up with your little prince. I don’t need you here anymore.’ Finally, she raised her gaze to meet mine, and I could see just how little sleep she had gotten the night before. Her eyes were dark and red from tears.
‘What? Why? I told you I didn’t have anything to do with Visarous’s betrayal and what he did. You know it’s the t-truth!’ she stammered.
‘You can barely look at me right now, and to be honest, I can’t quite stomach looking at you either.
Go to Acheron in Cazina and work with him to convince his father, Tiberias, to side with us in whatever is to come.
No other ally will join us without something more solid than what we currently have, but given your relationship and the oath he swore, I’m sure you can get his father on board.
Besides, you are useless to me here, so consumed with your grief.
Let him lick your wounds, and come back to me when you no longer see my face when you picture Visarous’s death. Now go.’
Her eyes widened. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered as she cast her eyes back down to the floor, knowing I was once again giving her what she wanted at the detriment to my rule.
But the truth was that I couldn’t face her.
I couldn’t have a constant reminder of what I had just done, staring at me every day.
‘Don’t—just go.’
She stood and left the room, not bothering to say goodbye, desperate to leave these walls and the darkness that lurked within them—me.
‘Jasper, how was your reunion with the rest of the Forest Fae?’
He looked like a deer in headlights. Fearful after everything he had seen. ‘Good, good. I’m impressed with how much you have provided for my people. I had hoped they would be living well, and the facilities, homes, jobs and weapons you have provided them are nothing but the best.’
‘They’re my people now, and I take care of my own.
The loyal ones at least. While Cain is away, you will begin training them.
Your reputation amongst the Forest Fae precedes you.
They need your skills for what is to come.
Now go. You will move into the barracks with them and oversee everything moving forward.
You will report to Cain upon his return, and before you ask, it is unclear when that will be. Now go.’
Scrambling to his feet, he rushed to the door before turning back briefly and saying, ‘Thank you, my Queen.’
Geraldine and Sienna remained, and judging by Sienna’s face, she likely had much she wanted to say, but I gave her no room. I was done listening to her. I would not give anyone an inch ever again. Fall in line, or leave, or get left behind; those were the only three options my people had now.
‘Geraldine, I assume you reached out and sent the request for peace talks with Morgad. Did they accept?’
‘Yes, they are scheduled for sunrise tomorrow morning. He and Demir will be attending with a battalion that will wait on the edge of the Academy grounds.’ The wards would not allow soldiers on their grounds.
‘Good, now send word to the stables—I want Vixen prepped and ready. I will be leaving within the hour. Alone.’ Sienna and Geraldine’s gazes snapped to mine.
It was unheard of for anyone to enter peace talks alone, but right now I could not rely on anyone but myself.
They wanted to argue the point, but I would not give them any room.
‘In the meantime, Sienna, use your little Wiccan magic and send word to Cain. I want him waiting at the foot of the Academy with a complete update, including anything he’s heard about the dark magic Morgad is playing with. ’
Sienna looked as though I had struck her. I had never belittled her, but right now I found myself pushing everyone away in the only way I knew how.
Vixen had brought me to the edge of the Academy and my borders.
Within seven hours, the sun had set, but the crystal-clear sky was illuminated by the stars.
I welcomed the crisp air into the furthest reaches of my lungs.
As I refused to think about anything that had transpired over the last two weeks, I suppressed every thought before it could take hold, actively focusing on thinking of nothing.
I couldn’t face any of it, and I knew I would have to once Cain arrived.
He didn’t leave me waiting for long, as I spotted his figure flying through the glow of the moon before sweeping down and morphing in front of me.
The black smoke seeping from his skin settled as he ran to me, hugging me in a tight embrace—one that felt like everything I needed but also made my skin crawl.
The flame raged at its wrongness. It knew my bonded was close, at the top of the mountain we now stood at the foot of.
I didn’t hug him back, though. Visarous had ruined every relationship in my life, and although Cain had been away, my ability to trust was broken with him too.
I would never look at any of my friends the same way again.
Realising something was off, he stepped back and placed a note into my hand.
It was a single symbol. A question mark.
An invitation to tell him everything that was wrong.
Tears welled just beneath the surface, but refusing to break, I bit my tongue until I could taste the coppery tang of blood. It instantly calmed my nerves.
‘You first.’ I nodded towards the paper in my hand; he reported to me, not the other way around, and he would give me the update he had been sent here to deliver.
Sebastian and Demir are an hour away. As for Voldina, we have taken out one of Jade’s counsellors—one of the least vocal against her, so as not to rile the suspicion of King Sebastian and those rabidly loyal to him.
Once we have ironed out who will replace her current advisors, we will put those in power that can be trusted with her and our future.
There are many that are still loyal to her and are opposed to this alliance with Morgad.
I don’t envision this taking much longer.
Sienna sent word of word of Jasper, thank you for that.
I promise you made the right call, and as for the dark magic, I have not heard anything that will shed any more light than what you got from the High Elder Wiccans.
Those who are loyal to Sebastian and have infiltrated Jade’s court have spoken of the promise of power—not just in the political sense, but also in the form of dark magic that he has promised them to use of their own free will.
I have whispers and shadows looking into whether this same promise has been leaked to or accepted by other realms. It is guaranteed that those always allied with him, such as Cazina, have no doubt been promised this magic.
It appears that Prince Acheron is not part of that circle but as for his father, that is unclear.
Now, when it comes to your Zauvek, there is nothing I have found that can break the bond—only death.
And your new gift of erupting into flames is not something I have ever come across in my research.
We are playing with something new and undiscovered. Tell me more.
‘Well, I have always sought to kill him.’ I said thinking about how I could break this bond.
Cain shook his head. The words on the note changing.
Not that, but your death. His death does not release you from the bond, it only releases him.
His words stunned me for a brief moment as I absorbed the bleak reality that I was stuck with this growing repulsion in my body at the thought of another man or woman touching me.
Perhaps it will get so bad I can’t ever have my physical needs met again and I will just decide to end it all anyway because that would be no way to live.
The words disappeared, and the taunting question mark reappeared, clearly not liking whatever it was he saw in my expression.
Perhaps it was the slight smile I let out while I contemplated my death. Definitely a cause for concern.
‘We went to the Wiccans. Visarous was working for Morgad as a spy this entire time. He betrayed us all and I killed him for it. But before that, I tortured him, and the anger that consumed me caused the eternal flame roiling under my skin to burst to the surface. I burnt him, Cain. I retested everyone’s allegiance using the flame, but I don’t trust it; I can’t look at any of you the same way again.
I took him to bed with me, Cain. I was blinded by emotion and look where it left me?
I can’t do this. I can’t be close to any of you ever again.
‘I know it wasn’t you, but it could be—maybe not today, but one day.
I will do something that makes you deem me unworthy and I can’t go through that betrayal again.
I am holding on by sheer force of will at this point, so no more.
From this moment on, we are not friends.
You are my Master of Secrets. No hunting trips, no asking how I am.
If you see me breaking apart from the panic, leave me on the floor and walk away.
You are never to place a hand on me again.
From this moment, we are nothing to each other but ruler and subject, working towards a common goal. ’
His eyes were awash with emotion, but I didn’t care to decipher a single one. The words on his note churned, never settling, before he took a step back, enveloped himself in black smoke, and flew away.