Chapter 38
Thirty-Eight
At some point, it had turned to night. Once in my room Demir drew me a hot bath as I laid almost lifeless on the bed.
‘Cain. Get me Cain,’ I whispered.
‘No,’ Demir almost shouted. ‘You need me. You might not want me, but I don’t give a fuck anymore.
I’m done denying this whatever this is, even if you are hell bent on doing so.
I know my truth. Whether these feelings are real or fake to you doesn’t matter anymore—your body responds to me, and your mind needs me.
I feel whole when I’m with you, and right now, that’s what you need to feel too.
Let me be there for you, Princess.’ His finger trailed up my leg and the side of my body, and I felt warmth blossom within me under his touch.
He was right; the bond between us created a comfort from him that I needed when I felt so empty.
I had no energy for words; instead, I nodded my acceptance.
He carried me to the bath and placed me in the hot water after removing my clothes.
I noticed his hands linger a little too long on my bare skin.
Shutting my eyes, I sank deeper into the water.
Before I could register what was happening, he stepped into the bath, naked, and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me.
I was ready to object, but I heard him whisper to me in his mind.
Don’t overthink it.
So that’s what I did, sinking deeper into his arms, completely enveloping myself in warmth.
I felt something hard and long pressing against my back, but I refused to acknowledge it.
Who knew I could even get him hard given our history?
Some part of me deep down careened in satisfaction at this, and as the energy started to pool back into my bones, I couldn’t help but tease him slightly by adjusting my body against him until I felt a groan escape him.
He tried to cover it with a cough but failed miserably.
At some point, I had fallen asleep in the bath, and when the sun rose I found myself in my bed, freshly applied ointment on my shoulder, lying clothed next to Demir.
He didn’t leave me; he took care of me and stayed.
It felt right in a way nothing ever had.
He was peaceful like this, and without thinking, I brushed some of his messy brown hair from his face.
He stirred, nuzzling into the palm of my hand.
Opening his honey-coloured eyes, he pressed a kiss to my fingers.
‘Do it again,’ I said. For a brief moment, he was confused, but he pulled my hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it once more. Something in my chest clenched as his lips left my skin. ‘Again.’
He obliged, kissing the inside of my wrist.
‘Again.’
Demir rose to his knees, then leaned over me, kissing up the entirety of my arm until he reached my shoulder. He pulled back assessing my reaction.
‘Again.’
His hand slipped behind my neck, and he tilted it until I bared my neck to him. This time, his teeth grazed over my skin causing my stomach to swirl.
‘Again.’
His teeth grazed over my earlobe as he lightly blew into my ear. A soft gasp escaping me. ‘Again.’
Demir stared at me for a moment as he licked his lips, weighing how far he should push this after my latest breakdown.
Although I hadn’t verbalised how I blamed him for the new fate I faced, he could tell.
I saw the pain in his eyes when I had faced him and he felt my resentment.
But yet, here he was giving me everything I wanted and needed anyway.
Whatever he saw in my gaze gave him what he needed; he leaned down, hovering his lips just above mine, teasingly, as our breath mingled.
‘More,’ I whispered.
In an instant, his lips met mine and ravaged me.
The kiss was deep and hard. He was consuming me.
Taking what he could, fearing I would take it back at any moment.
His body pressed into mine and I returned in kind.
His tongue was warm on mine and devoured me.
He smelled of leather and oak—it was a heady mix.
He deepened the kiss, pulling my thigh around him. Just as I was about to cross a line I couldn’t return from, a knock sounded at my door.
I pushed him off me at lightning speed. Demir looked wounded, but smirked as I scrambled to check if I looked decent liking what he’d done to me.
Cain was at my door, and oddly enough, as he stepped into my room—as he had done thousands of times before—something about it this time made my skin crawl as he dropped a note into my hand.
Get him out of your room. If rumours spread, it will cause issues, and if you plan on breaking this bond, deepening it is not going to help. Make up your mind and act accordingly. I need the cold-hearted rational leader back, not this emotionally driven, lovesick girl.
‘Get the fuck out. Right the fuck now, Cain. Say something like that again and I will break every fucking bone in that body of yours and send you back to Jade in fucking pieces. You think I can’t tell when something is off with you.
I bet any amount of money that you were starting to fall for that innocence, and you don’t even have the excuse of a bond. ’
Cain was not flustered; instead, he smirked as if that were the person he had been waiting to see.
The angry, violent queen. I slammed the door in his face and returned to Demir in my wardrobe.
If I was being honest with myself, some part of me wanted to spitefully fuck him now but Cain was right.
I fell into a moment of weakness; I was letting my emotions get the best of me, and I couldn’t afford to do that anymore.
‘You can leave too,’ I said, moving my eyes away from him and walking into the closet to find my clothes.
‘I’m not going anywhere, Sky. I’ll be here until you can’t run anymore.
’ He walked closer to me, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.
The bond vibrated within my chest. Physically, I loved his touch; mentally, I hated every second of it.
I was scared of what it was doing to me and how it had already shifted the future I had been so sure of.
‘Then tell me, what else was in your book? Just as much as I have been avoiding you, I know you have been avoiding me, so what are you hiding in there?’ I asked as I pulled on my fighting leathers—being careful of my still healing shoulder—feeling like myself again.
They were the armour between me and the rest of the world.
‘I don’t want to say,’ he murmured before turning around and taking a seat at the end of my bed, dropping his head into his hands.
I acted on instinct alone and listened to the pull I felt when I was in his presence. Sitting behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed a chaste kiss along his spine. ‘Tell me,’ I breathed, kissing his back once more.
He let out a heavy exhale. ‘When the black magic of the old crone couldn’t be contained by the dragon alone, one of your bloodline absorbed the rest of it.
The old crone isn’t just some ancient being who destroys worlds.
It’s an Azdaja that absorbed the last of the Mrak and became a disfigured, empty shell, bound to the land of the Ancient Forest. The only way to stop the magic is through your bloodline once more.
You must be the vessel. Your blood is the answer.
You must take her place and forfeit your life by bleeding out and letting that cursed blood of yours absorb the Mrak as it did all those years ago. ’
Swallowing hard I gave him one last squeeze around his waist, telling him without words that I was thankful for his honesty.
‘I have to make sure Mattias has prepared everything for the Ascent.’ I stood, pushing past him; I almost ran to the temple, looking for any excuse I could find to leave his overwhelming presence and the confronting truth of what I had learned.
I had not given much thought to what it actually meant to be the vessel until this point, as I did not know how to truly become it and had thought perhaps there was some alternative because how could I be enough.
I had never been enough. Now the vision the Oracle showed me made sense.
I was going to absorb the dark magic and die.
I would save my people from it, but Sebastian would live, and his armies would finish this war anyway.
But at least the world would remain intact.
I guess I would get what I wanted—breaking my bond with Demir—but the sad reality was that I didn’t think I truly wanted it gone anymore.
Something small and desperate inside me wanted to keep him close. Wanted this feeling he evoked to last.
The next week went by in a blur. I all but buried myself in the Oracle, though it never changed the image it showed me.
I spent every waking hour in the library or the council room, avoiding Demir all day long, only for him to find a way into my bedroom in the evenings.
It was as if, under the shadow of darkness, we entered a different reality where I could indulge in him.
He only ever held me, and we never kissed again, apart from the occasional brush of his lips against my cheek as he left my chambers before sunrise.
By now, rumours had circulated that I was bedding him; they weren’t completely incorrect, I suppose.
But nothing settled my soul like his touch and nearness.
I hadn’t felt an ounce of the panic again.
So, I didn’t care anymore. If I was going to die for this world and these people, I would take what little comfort I could until then.