Chapter 4 #3
The room spun, blurring the floor into the ceiling. All I could hear were murmurs and sobs from the girls beside me.
Someone had killed Lily. Sweet, sunshine Lily.
I spun on my heel, headed for Kavish. My feet carried me but I didn’t feel their movements. My whole body was numb.
Time fractured—each second stretching, unbearable and slow. A prickle crawled over my skin like ants beneath the surface, and before I collapsed in a heap, I grabbed the top of the balcony railing, steadying myself.
From here I could see Kavish speaking with a male though I couldn’t see who it was. Their conversation was low—muffled—like they were whispering. Nausea bubbled in my stomach. I was going to be sick.
Ree, Kavish’s right hand man—our body guard—barked orders like he owned the place, telling us the evening was over and everyone was to go to their rooms.
But what of Lily? Who was going to attend to her?
Kavish finished speaking with the man then turned, heading for the stairs. Ringing throbbed in my ears. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. A wiser girl would have.
But I wasn’t her. And I didn’t.
He marched up the stairs, face composed, not a flicker of emotion to betray him. Even his gaze—cold and brown—cut through me without hesitation.
I stepped forward. “You let this happen.”
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
Kavish’s eyes bore into me as I met him on the top step. “Move out of the way, Sapphire.”
My mind scrambled for answers, for anything that made sense. “You’re supposed to keep us safe, not let them kill us.”
A few soft gasps echoed through the place.
I squared my shoulders, tears stinging the back of my eyes.
“She was the gentlest out of all of us and you knew it. She never fought, never caused trouble, never refused a man. She did everything you asked of her and this is what she gets? A sheet over her face and a quiet hallway so the men don’t have to hear us cry? ”
His jaw tightened, but I didn’t stop.
“You should have protected her. Of all of us, you should have protected her.”
I stepped closer, lowering my voice. “But coin matters more than we do, doesn’t it? Always has.”
Kavish’s eyes darkened. “Careful, Sapphire.”
“What are you going to do? Throw me out? Fine. At least I might die outside in the cold instead of in one of your beds.”
The last word left my lips, and I knew I’d taken it too far, but it was too late now.
I took another step closer, tilting my head to meet his gaze. “Where is her killer?”
Pain snaked its way down my arm as Kavish grabbed it with his hand, his grip tight and unyielding. I tried to pull free but it was no use.
He turned to find Ree. “Take care of Lily.”
My shoulders sank, my breath catching, at the realisation of what was about to happen. “Kavish—” my voice quivered.
Without a second thought, he yanked me towards his room. The force nearly knocked my footing from under me. None of the girls dared to look our way as he marched me down the hall to his room.
“Kavish, please—”
He didn’t look at me. Simply shoved me inside his room, slamming the door behind us.
The tremor began in my legs, rapidly flowing into the rest of my body. I couldn’t offer him sex in exchange for a lesser punishment—not this time.
He dragged me towards his desk, my feet struggling to keep up. Then he spun me so my back was against the wooden edge. Whiskey breath washed over me, as he gripped my jaw in his hand. I swallowed down the pain, trying to keep my composure.
“You forget who you are, Sapphire.” Kavish gripped me tighter. “I made you what you are and I can take it all away.”
My thoughts spiralled, faster and faster, until they made no sound at all. “I’m sorry, Kavish. Let me make you feel better,” I whispered, my voice trembling as my fingers tried to find purchase on the lapels of his jacket.
He leaned in closer, his face mere inches from mine. “Accusing me of Lily’s death is a punishable offense, and I won’t be easy on you this time.”
I couldn’t even protest before he spun me around.
My palms slammed against the smooth mahogany desk, as he pushed me down, pressing my face and breasts against the surface.
The winter chill bit my bare ass and legs as Kavish hitched my silk robe up and around my waist. Candlelight flickered off the cracked mirror on the far wall, catching the gleam of the belt before he unbuckled it.
I didn’t move. I knew better.
Gold coins. The ocean. Freedom.
It would all be worth it if I could learn to keep my mouth shut.
“Count it,” Kavish said, voice cold with the kind of delight that made my stomach turn. “Out loud.”
My lips were dry. I licked them, tasting salt and aniseed. “One,” I rasped, the first lash cutting through the air and snapping against my skin.
Fire bloomed down my thigh, searing and immediate. I bit the inside of my cheek, forcing my body not to flinch. He liked it when I flinched.
“Two.”
The second strike came harder, catching the soft curve below my hip. Pain spiralled, sharp and hot, then dulled into something heavier, deeper.
“Never speak to me that way in front of anyone,” he hissed between strikes. “You think dressing up like a little queen makes you better than the rest of them?”
No.
Yes.
I didn’t know anymore.
Sharp pain ricocheted through my leg. “Three.”
I lost track after that.
My mind drifted to the place where all my dreams went to die. A desolate place of ash and bone.
Only death hovered there.
By the time he was done, my legs shook and sweat dripped down my spine. Blood wept from where the skin had broken, and my lungs burned from holding in sobs I wouldn’t let him hear.
His belt dropped to the floor. Slowly, I straightened, too scared to turn around. The stench of liquor on his breath still lingered. The belt was always more brutal than his hand, and this time it had felt like he had no intention of stopping.
I squared my shoulders and faced him.
“You’re going to give me every coin you’ve made this month.
Don’t think your fantasies of leaving this place will ever save you.
You’ll remember next time,” he said, like this was some twisted lesson I’d asked for.
Then his hand found my jaw, fingers bruising my face once again as he leaned in close.
“You belong to me, Sapphire. Body, coin, everything. Don't ever forget that.”
He was going to take my money. All that work—all that sweat and performance and shame—gone in the space of a heartbeat.
He always knew just when to squeeze harder.
Just when to remind me that whatever I thought I was saving for, it would never be enough.
I’d clung to that gold like it was a secret door only I could see.
The ocean. A room of my own. A place where no one could ever touch me again.
Yet, the truth was that no one would ever value me for anything other than my body.
I didn’t respond. My throat wouldn’t work. But inside, something shifted. Not broken—just quieter. Coiled. Waiting.
Kavish let go of my jaw, his fingers stroking my cheek. “You’re so beautiful, Sapphire. I do this because I love you.”
My lips trembled as I tried to smile, the room around me spinning. “Yes . . . Kavish.”
He let me go, walking to his door to open it for me.
The silk fell down around my thighs as I stumbled out into the hallway.
The door clicked shut behind me, and I finally took in a breath, my chest heaving silently.
I don’t even know how I made it to my room, but once I was inside, the uncontrollable shaking began.
Muscle memory guided me to the nightstand, fingers brushing over the battered tin where I kept my cinderleaf. I rolled a cigarette with practiced ease, the crinkle of paper the only sound in the hush.
Silence screamed in my skull, a hollow, deafening roar that drowned out everything else.
I stood in front of the window—needing the night air—needing distance as I placed the rolled paper between my quivering lips.
With the flame of a match, the scent of smoke coiled up, bitter and familiar.
I sucked air through the cigarette, and let the herb fill my lungs.
A few more puffs and soon the silence turned to peace.
I stared out into the night as a single tear slipped down my cold cheek.
Lily was gone.
The words barely meant anything yet. They just floated there, hovering above the sting in my skin and the emptiness in my purse.
I couldn’t hold the pieces of it—too sharp.
Too big. It didn’t feel real, but my hands kept shaking anyway.
I wanted to ask where they’d taken her. Whether they’d tossed her out back like trash or at least given her a sheet.
But my lips wouldn’t move. My throat was raw from biting back the sound trying to tear out of me.
It should have been them. All of them. Kavish, Ree, the men who gave coin all for the sake of a good fuck. Was it a dark thought? Probably. Did I care? Not at all.
Another tear slid down my cheek. It wasn’t for the pain.
It certainly wasn’t for my life . . .
Tonight, the tear belonged to something worth more.
Tonight, it was for Lily.