Chapter 31 #2
His voice was soft, the grip of his hand on mine warm, and he radiated calmness. One glance into his eyes and I wanted to burst into tears. To fall on the floor in a heap. How could someone so powerful look at me with such kindness?
Me who was nothing. Worthless. Dirty.
“Your Majesty,” I managed to say, before bending my knees to dip in a respectful bow. When I rose, the king flashed me a grin before turning to Nik.
“Nikolas,” he greeted. “How are you?”
“I am well, my king.”
They spoke for a brief moment and I was glad. It gave me a moment to catch my breath. When the king's attention turned back to me, I’d at least stopped trembling.
“How has Lucius been treating you?” he asked.
A million thoughts surged through my mind at such an alarming rate that I almost forgot to breathe. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. My gaze flicked up to Nik beside me. He was steady, calm . . . a quiet anchor in a sea of marble and gold.
“I—I suppose I’m still learning how to exist here,” I managed. “It’s different from what I’m used to.”
The king nodded slowly, as though he understood every unspoken word buried beneath the ones I dared to say. “Different can be a heavy thing,” he said gently.
One glance into his eyes and I wanted to burst into tears. To fall on the floor in a heap. How could someone so powerful look at me with such kindness? It made my chest ache. I didn’t know what to do with gentleness. I didn't know how to hold it without breaking it.
I clasped my hands together, afraid one might shake. Afraid he would see too much.
Afraid he already did.
The king’s expression softened. “I imagine you’re wondering why I asked you here today.”
My breath hitched.
Yes.
I just wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
My gaze found the king and I nodded.
“I wanted to let you know that your mother is here in Lucius,” he said almost reverently.
The realm of Lucius stopped, and I heard Nik’s sharp intake of breath.
Something in my chest snapped tight, too fast, too sharp. My heart didn’t beat—it simply paused, suspended in a pain I didn’t have a name for. I stared at him, waiting for the words to make sense, but they didn’t. They couldn’t.
My mother. Here. Alive in a way that mattered.
I hadn’t let myself think about her too much.
Shame slammed into me so hard I felt sick.
My hands fisted the navy fabric of my gown, fingers curling, digging into my palms until they hurt.
I swallowed hard, my throat tight. The king watched me gently, kindly, and that only made the shame crawl deeper under my skin.
My mother wouldn't want to see me. Not after the things I'd done. I became everything she told me not to. Even when she was already it herself. She wanted more for my life. She tried to give that to me in the only way she knew how.
“Would you like to know where she is?” the king asked.
The question was a door opening, and I wasn’t ready to step through it.
I shook my head and my voice barely formed. “Not . . . not yet. It’s too much.”
He nodded with a patience that unraveled something small and terrified inside me. “Take your time, child. There is no rush. When you’re ready, she will be waiting.”
Waiting.
For me.
I couldn’t breathe.
~~~~~
The palace doors closed behind us with a soft, echoing thud, and the weight of everything I’d held inside crashed down at once.
Air refused to reach my lungs.
I staggered a step, pressing a hand to my chest as if I could hold my ribs still. The sky above was too bright. The white stone too glaring. Every sound too sharp.
My mother? Here? Within reach?
Nik moved towards me instantly, wings half-flared in alarm, his voice low and steady. I couldn’t hear the words—not yet. My breath stuttered, scraping out of me in short, broken pulls.
I wasn’t ready . . . wasn’t enough.
I bent forward, squeezing my eyes shut, trying desperately to pull air back into my body.
Nik gently grabbed either side of my arms, shaking me lightly. “Sapphire—”
My gaze met him through tear-filled eyes. “I don’t belong here,” I said suddenly, my voice thin.
His brow pinched. “What do you mean?”
“This city, the clothes, the people, that palace—him. He was kind. And I—I don’t deserve any of it.”
They didn’t know what I'd done. What I let them do to me. The things I let myself become to survive. What if my mother sees me and turns away? What if I can't look her in the eye?
Nik’s grip on my arms tightened. “Sapph—”
I pulled from his grasp, tears stealing down my cheeks without permission. “Don’t,” I whispered—begged. “Don’t pretend I belong here.”
His mouth fell open slightly, but no words formed. I choked back the wave of emotion clawing at my throat. I couldn’t cry here.
Silence stretched between us and it felt like a lifetime. Then he stepped towards me, voice low. “I’m not pretending.”
The cries broke from my lips, in a quiet yet steady way. There was no stopping it. I couldn’t even if I tried. Nik’s wings opened, wrapping around me like a shield. A place that I could feel sheltered from the eyes of Lightners as they walked by.
He reached out and tipped my chin up to meet his gaze. “You don’t have to carry this today. Let me take you home.”
I nodded and before I could protest, he scooped me up into his arms and shot into the sky, his heart beating steady like a drum against my ear.
The afternoon sun washed over us, warm and blinding, turning Lucius into a blur of soft gold beneath my feet. I didn’t say a word. Didn’t trust myself to.
He didn’t either.
But his hold never wavered.
We touched down on the balcony of his home with barely a whisper of wings. Nik lowered me, like he was afraid I’d shatter if he let go too quickly. My shoes touched wood, and I stood there, trembling, facing him.
For a moment, I wanted to say something—anything.
But every word tangled in my throat. I turned away, desperate to hide the storm in my chest, when his fingers wound lightly around my wrist. The heat from his skin warmed mine, and I wanted to enjoy it.
I wanted to fall into his arms again and never leave. Yet all my shame was too loud.
“You can talk to me,” he offered, his voice soft, full of patience I didn’t deserve.
I shook my head, biting my tongue.
His eyes softened, then, slowly, he let go. He didn’t force me to talk, or punish me for keeping quiet. He simply took a step back and gave me space.
I fled to my room before I could crumble in front of him.
As soon as the door clicked shut behind me, I grabbed at the neckline of the gown. It was too tight, constricting my chest until it crushed the air from my lungs. I peeled the fabric from me until it fell into a heap on the floor.
The mirror across the room caught me in a single, merciless glance. My feet carried me until I stood before it only clothed in my undergarments. Still Blythe. Still scared.
A tiny meow sounded from my bed.
My lips trembled. “Wisp . . .”
She jumped onto the floor, and came to press herself against my legs as if my falling apart didn’t frighten her at all.
A sob tore from my throat as I sank to my knees, half naked and shaking. I pulled the small bundle of white fur into my arms, and kissed her head as she curled into my chest.
My voice broke as I whispered into her softness. “I can’t stay here any longer.”
It was time. All my broken parts were rising to the surface, and before I could burden anyone—especially Nik—with my pain, I had to leave. I’d find a way to thank him and then I’d slip from Lucius and drift to the sea.
Wisp snuggled closer with no intention of leaving my arms any time soon, so I curled into a ball on the floor of my room and let the silent tears fall.