Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
The choice
blythe
Pale light bled across the floor of Nik’s room.
The sun had barely risen and I’d already changed into the black dress Victoria gifted me.
The spare room was tidy. All Adalia’s clothes were neatly folded on the end of the bed, and both my mother's ribbon, and the one Nik gave me were in my dress pocket.
I hovered in his doorway. He was still peacefully sleeping, arm stretched out where my head lay only moments ago.
Seeing his chest rise and fall made my heart ache.
It didn’t matter that my feelings for him had changed.
Any longer here and he would see that I couldn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved.
And that Lucius would never truly accept a soul like me.
I flicked my gaze to the small piece of parchment laying on the pillow beside him. He’d burn it once he’d read it, no doubt. I wouldn’t blame him either.
His amulet was in my other pocket, weighing down not only my dress but my conscience too. Not because I was afraid I’d be caught with it, but because I knew Nik would be hurt when he found it missing. He’d understand eventually . . . he had too.
One last look. That was all I needed. Just to see him content from the hours of exploring each other's bodies. I’d leave him with that memory; it was the least I could do. “Goodbye, Nik,” I whispered and then I twisted on my heel.
I was halfway across the living space when Wisp bounded from under a chair. She skidded to a halt, mewing up at me with her pink, little mouth and pale green eyes. I crouched down and scooped her into my arms, holding her tightly.
“I wish I could take you with me, girl, I do,” I whispered into her fur. “But Nik will take care of you better than I ever could.”
She rubbed her head into my jaw, and it took everything in me not to burst into tears. “Stay out of trouble, alright?” I placed her on the ground, swiftly moved down the stairs and out the front door without looking back. I’d fall apart if I stayed any longer.
Lucius was quiet, but the tranquil hum still lingered no matter the time of day. It scared me just how strangely peaceful it was. My body would never let me rest in a place like this.
Early morning Lightners began to emerge into the streets. I kept my head down low but smiled at a few who I couldn't avoid as I passed them by. The less attention I drew to myself the better this would be. It was fine, I knew how to blend in.
I’d walked the streets with Nik often enough to roughly know where I was going.
The Veil shimmered in the distance, iridescent and beckoning-like.
My feet carried me towards it before my mind could change.
I slipped my hand into my pocket, checking the amulet was still there.
It was cold against my fingers—foreign—like it knew it didn’t belong to me.
With a sigh I pressed on, rounding the corner and wishing I was already on the other side of the gate.
Pale stone glowed softly ahead, glistening like the walls of the palace. Thankfully, there were only two guards stationed on either side. I just needed to create some sort of distraction, long enough to slip through the gates with ease.
I slowed my pace as I reached a white blossom tree on the corner of the street.
Beneath it sat a forgotten basket of left over petals from what I could only assume was the festival.
Glancing around, there wasn’t anything obvious that could cause a distraction.
This was Lucius, after all. Everything was so neat, tidy .
. . beautiful. If I didn’t think of something fast, I’d be even more noticeable, like soot on white stone.
On the cobblestone at the front gates, a flock of doves gathered. They were close enough that I could hear their cooing. My gaze flicked to the basket of petals, then back to the birds. My heart thudded so loud I feared all of Lucius would hear.
I stepped closer to the basket and nudged it.
All it would take was a firm push. No one paid any attention to me, so I took the chance and lightly kicked the basket.
It toppled over, petals spilling across the stone in a sudden rush, scattering like soft snow over the ground.
At the same moment, the flock of birds startled, wings beating hard as they burst into the air.
A few gasps rippled outward. Laughter followed as a few Lightners pointed towards the cloud of wings and feathers as the birds took flight. For a heartbeat, everyone looked up. Including the guards.
I moved.
Not running or sneaking. Just walking calm and steady towards the gates with the amulet tight in my fist. I held my breath as I passed through.
One of the guards flicked his gaze to me and I stopped breathing.
This was it, I’d be caught and punished for stealing an amulet and going through the gates.
But as I lifted the amulet in a last ditch effort to be free, he offered me a smile, recognition crossing over his face.
He nodded once, and just like that, I passed through the gates of Lucius and entered back into the outskirts of The Grey as easily as breathing.
My skin prickled and my pulse raced like I’d done something irreversible without permission.
I forced myself to keep walking, heart hammering, before finally looking back—waiting for pursuit—for consequence–but there was nothing but silence.
Cold winds whipped around me as I stumbled forwards, stealing the warmth that Lucius had left in my skin.
My breath fogged immediately and I quickly realised I hadn't dressed for the weather. I no longer had my woollen shawl or worn boots. Just the brown flats Adalia had loaned me. It was the only item of hers I’d kept.
I’d forgotten how cold it would be, but it was too late now and I couldn’t very well turn around and head back to Lucius. I wrapped my arms around myself, willed my wings to come around me like a shield against the wind, and kept moving.
All around me, the trees and bushes seemed duller, though not completely drained of colour like the ones in Oscuro. At least here in The Grey they still resembled living things. Gone were the pink and white blossoms, and the abundance of pretty flowers poking their heads through wooden fences.
They were replaced with muted greens and browns, and the odd daisy peeking through the leafy covered ground. This was the type of place I belonged in. A place where dirty souls could wander aimlessly for the rest of eternity.
I wasn’t bothering anyone out here. I’d find some sort of shelter, and make my way to the sea. Perhaps I could learn to fish like Nik. I knew how to start a fire, and surely I could collect water.
As I wandered, rolling hills unfurled in the distance, their grassy peaks crowned with scattered farms. I must be on the outskirts of a district.
I stopped for a moment, rubbing my hands together to warm them.
Perhaps I could head into the town and see where I was, exactly.
What if I was close to District Five and I could find Meeka?
I knew she wouldn’t be able to see me, but the thought of seeing her just one last time knotted my chest.
I took a step just as the ground started to shake. Whipping around, I jumped out of the way just in time before a male Shadowkin on a horse thundered by. My breath caught, sending my heart into an erratic state.
He didn’t even bother to apologise—
Oh.
—that was because he couldn’t see me.
I was dead.
My shoulders dropped, tears stinging the back of my eyes. What would the point be in searching for Meeka? It would only bring me more pain.
No, I needed to find somewhere to spend the night, and I wasn’t going to find it standing on a well-beaten path in The Grey.
I flicked my gaze towards the forest to my left. It was dark, despite the sun shining on it. My best bet would be in that forest, somewhere, and if I was lucky, I’d soon find myself at the Drayton Sea.
The trees thickened gradually, and the light from the sun thinned out as the path I’d been following became less defined. Shadows stretched, and the sound of any form of life faded away. I must have been walking for hours but I still didn’t know where I was going.
I didn’t care. As long as it was away from everyone.
Away from him.
Because if I was too close to him, I’d throw my arms around his neck and never let go. Yet I knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. He would be fine without me. He always had been. Why would that change now?
This was the freedom I’d longed for. So why did it feel so heavy?
My boots crunched softly over leaves, sticks, and dirt as I wound between thick trunks and berry laden bushes. Perhaps I could forage and save seeds to grow again.
Branches snagged at the skirts of my dress, and I hated that I hadn’t brought my little sewing kit with me that Nik purchased. In my hurry to leave, I’d forgotten it in the drawer of the table beside the bed.
Thoughts of Nik surfaced again. The way his broad hands had cupped my face with such a gentle touch. Or the way his lips had mapped my body for hours as I laid in his arms. He was everything a woman deserved . . . just not a woman with a broken soul.
Don’t think. Just move. If I stopped, I’d turn back. And it was too late for that now.
The sun disappeared behind the thick canopy of trees and the cold bit into my skin with its sharpened teeth.
I shivered, wishing I could partake in some cinderleaf.
I grasped at my throat. This was the first time in weeks I’d even thought about the herb.
Of course memories like that would come rushing back in now that I was in familiar territory.
I kept moving. The forest swallowed sound, its leaves and branches muting everything until my own breathing felt too loud, too exposed.
A shadow shifted ahead of me.
I froze.
For a heartbeat, I told myself it was nothing—a farmer cutting through the woods, a traveller like me, anyone ordinary enough to ignore. If they were Shadowkin, they wouldn’t even see me anyway. My pulse slowed just enough for that lie to take hold.
Then the shadow moved. The shape widened. Unfurled.
Wings. Black as onyx.
I swallowed down the scream forming in my throat.
It was a Thorn and he was staring directly at me with a yellow grin.
The realisation hit me all at once, memory and dread colliding in a sickening rush. I didn’t think. I turned and ran.
Branches tore at my sleeves, my hair, my skin. Roots rose up like traps beneath my feet. There was no point in trying to fly, fear had me in a chokehold and the trees would not allow for such freedom.
My lungs burned as cold air scraped down my throat, each breath sharper than the last. I ran blind, tears streaking hot down my face, panic screaming louder than thought.
Behind me, wings and boots thundered.
I wouldn't let him take me. I couldn’t go back there. It would end me.
But the Thorn was faster. They always were.
“You can’t hide from me, bitch,” he snarled.
I wanted to leap from the ground and fly, to put my wings to use, but the forest canopy was too dense, I’d only ever flown in open spaces.
So I pushed harder, forcing my legs to move, but the world crashed around me the moment his hand caught my shoulder and wrenched me backwards.
I hit the ground hard, the impact knocking the air from my chest in a sharp, useless gasp.
Leaves and dirt pressed into my palms as I struggled, kicked, tried to twist free.
Too late.
He forced me down, weight crushing, pinning me to the forest floor. It was Rhodes all over again. “Let me go, you fucking idiot!” I screamed.
The Thorn chuckled and it sent a shiver up my spine. “You’re a fighter. I like it.”
I thrashed once more before a knee settled between my shoulders, final and absolute.
“Stop,” he said calmly, almost bored.
I went still, breath shuddering, heart slamming so hard I thought it might break my ribs.
Then he leaned closer. “Snake said you’d never last long in that place,” he murmured, voice curling with satisfaction. “We’ve been waiting.”
The words sank in slowly.
Waiting.
Not searching. Not hoping.
Waiting.
And in that moment, with the forest closing in around us and the last warmth of Nik’s arms already a distant memory, I knew I hadn’t escaped anything at all.
I’d only delayed it.