Chapter 36 #3
Nik’s hands never felt like this.
With him, my body had woken up. Had responded. Had . . . trusted. I’d felt warmth, safety, pleasure so sharp it had scared me. I’d been present. Fully, terrifyingly present.
When Snake touched me I felt nothing.
But when Nik touched me, I felt everything.
The contrast was unbearable.
I didn’t want to give Snake any pieces of the memories I clung to.
He didn’t deserve them, and Sapphire should have kept her mouth shut, but ever since Blythe read Abby’s note, something in me shifted.
The words spilled out before I could stop them.
“And yet, I never wanted him to finish. That’s the difference between you and him. ”
Snake’s room dropped in temperature. He froze, then ripped himself out from me. Before I could catch my breath, he flipped me over onto my back. His face was red. Redder than the crimson wings that haunted my dreams.
He raised his bare hand, chest fighting for air, teeth gleaming under the low light, but I didn’t cower. I’d faced my own death. What could Snake do to me here?
I stared at him, bracing for the pain that would soon follow. Slowly, his hand fell to his side, yet I knew not to let my guard down.
He leaned over me, lowering his face to mine until our noses almost touched. His smile spread slowly, dangerously. “He would have stopped the moment he realised what you truly are. A worthless, filthy, body . . . only good for a fuck.”
As I stared at him, Nik’s voice echoed gently through my mind. “You don’t owe me anything.”
He had already known what I was and still chose to be with me. “If that were all I was,” I breathed, “you wouldn’t be so afraid of him. You wouldn’t have guards posted at every single door in this place. You wouldn’t be looking over your shoulder or flinching with every loud noise.”
Those cold, empty, grey eyes stared back. I hadn’t just touched a nerve. I’d severed it. Snake would punish me now.
This isn’t living, I thought numbly. This is just waiting to die again.
Somewhere beneath the weight of Snake’s anger, beneath the dissociation and the memories and the hate, a decision took shape—fragile, desperate, real.
I couldn’t stay.
I’d been given a choice. I’d seen the light. I’d tasted something better.
And I would rather die trying to reach it than survive another night like this, waiting for Snake to destroy me beyond repair. No one was coming to save me . . . not unless I asked for help.
The top corner of Snake’s lip curled up, his eyes squinting as he decided what to do with me.
My hands fisted the sheets when he stood up straight, but I didn’t dare move or look away.
Surely he wouldn’t let me get away with that comment.
Where was the sickening blow or the sharp cut of his ring across my cheek?
Only when he grabbed his gown, wrapped it around himself, and strode from the room, slamming the door behind him, did I let myself breathe. It didn’t make sense, and I knew for sure he’d be back later to finish where he left off. If I was going to make a move, it needed to be now.
With trembling limbs, I sat up, and tucked the sheets around my body, willing my heart to slow down. Once I stopped shaking, I glanced around the room, reaching for my boot half under the bed.
The paper was soft between my fingertips.
Unfolding it felt like unwrapping a gift, though I already knew what was inside.
It sent a thrill up my spine, but it was also dangerous.
If Snake found this, who knows what he’d do with it .
. . what he’d do to me or Abby if he discovered what the ashink paper was.
I closed my eyes, drawing the paper to my chest. Lucius wasn’t a dream. It was real. I laughed there. I had food that nourished my body. I could walk the streets without fear. Nik taught me to fly. Wisp would curl up in my arms and sleep.
I’ve lived through hell. Why did I keep choosing it?
Part of my heart didn’t want Nik to come. It wasn’t safe for him here. Yet I knew I couldn’t escape this place without him. There was only one ash ink paper. I couldn’t afford mistakes.
With a quick look around the room, I scurried over to the fireplace and retrieved a small piece of coal before returning to the bed. My hand hovered over the paper, the reality of what I was about to do sinking in.
I thought I didn’t deserve to live in Lucius. But maybe I didn’t need to deserve it. Maybe I just needed to want it.
To want Nik. To choose him. To choose . . . Blythe.
With a shaking hand, I hurriedly wrote. Then I tossed the coal back into the ashes, folded the paper and whispered Matthias’s name. Within seconds, the paper folded in on itself, made a soft popping sound, then disappeared from my hand.
It was a shock to see it gone, and for a moment, I wondered if it had even worked, but the hum in the room felt the same as the time Matthias had winnowed me out of Oscuro all those months ago.
All I could do now was hope Nik didn’t hate me so much that he’d ignore my cry for help, and that somehow, I could escape this room.