Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Max felt like he’d gone through all five grief stages since his confrontations with both Lanie and Carissa. But at least he’d made progress with Lanie. She’d agreed to have dinner with him that night, and he was determined to mend things between them.
Carissa was a different story. Every time he tried to see things from her point of view, his emotions got all mixed up again. He understood why she hadn’t wanted to lie to Lanie, but would it have killed Carissa to give him a heads-up?
Steven’s words echoed in Max’s head. Lanie was Carissa’s client, and Max was not. In the last few days, he’d realized he would always come second to her business, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
Her branching out into the corporate world would only make things worse. Her business was her priority. If she was successful, how long would it be before she had no time for him? Better to rip the Band-Aid off now, forget her, and move on.
Unfortunately, that was easier said than done. Despite how upset he was, he missed her. And the pain of missing her was sharpened by each day that passed when they didn’t speak.
All those thoughts were running through his head as he parked at the supermarket to buy ingredients for his dinner with Lanie. As much as he hated to admit it, he half hoped to run into Carissa. But every time he went down an aisle, he was met with another wave of crushing disappointment.
With a sigh, he finished his shopping and headed to the checkout. Since the weather had taken a turn for the worse, a nice hearty meal of shepherd’s pie might help thaw his daughter’s frosty countenance toward him. He suspected Lanie had accepted his invitation only because Steven had encouraged her to.
After he checked out, he scurried to his car, anxious to get to the house. Aside from getting dinner started, he’d been splitting his woodworking between the desk and the arch. Perhaps he was a glutton for punishment, but he wasn’t ready to give up on the gift he’d intended for Lanie.
Besides, Carissa’s measurements had given him renewed purpose. If he could narrow the archway, it would fit in the church right where Lanie and Nate would stand. He hoped to discuss the possibility with his daughter over dinner—after he apologized profusely, of course. But since the arch was no longer a surprise, he could get her perspective. And if she hadn’t warmed to the idea, then he would force himself to let go of his plans and focus on the desk instead.
When Max arrived home, he still had a few hours before he needed to get dinner started. He headed into the garage and continued his efforts to decrease the width of the archway. Inch by inch, he’d been shaving the wood on both pieces where they would meet in the middle. Once he was sure he’d narrowed the arch to the correct size, he planned to carve two heart pieces that would interlock when placed together.
As he worked, his mind kept returning to Carissa. Wouldn’t kill her to send a text. The smooth, rhythmic movement he used to shave the wood morphed into a frenzied back-and-forth motion as his mind raced.
After all, I’m not the one who broke the trust in our relationship. He frowned as he recalled the way her lips had twisted when he accused her of breaking her promise. The argument was reminiscent of several he’d had with Melody during their marriage.
That was the trouble with women, and his own daughter was no exception. They seemed to think they could do no wrong, and when called out on their behavior, they flipped things around to paint the man as at fault.
Not this time. It would be a cold day in the devil’s house before he would take the blame. All he’d tried to do was create something beautiful for his daughter. Max’s conversation with Steven had convinced him he hadn’t handled things well, but it didn’t change the intent of his gift.
Max’s renewed fervor paid off when he stepped back an hour later and surveyed the arch. He’d shaved off a foot on each side. After checking his measurements against Carissa’s, he smiled for the first time in days. The arch was the right size. All that was left was to finish the intricate designs and the interlocking hearts.
But that would have to wait. He needed to start dinner. He headed into the house to get cleaned up. After washing his face and changing clothes, he went into the kitchen and drizzled oil into a skillet then set it on the stove to heat. Then he filled a pot with water and placed it on a burner to boil. While he waited, he chopped an onion.
Just as he’d added the onion to the pan, the front door opened. Max frowned as he stirred the onion. Lanie was early.
Her heels clicked on the linoleum in the hallway. A moment later, she peered around the wall of the kitchen and sniffed the air. “What’s for dinner?”
“Shepherd’s pie.” Max glanced at her and stifled a sigh at the way her shoulders seemed to hug her ears. The tension in the air between them grew. Maybe this is a bad idea.
But he was determined to make things right with his daughter. For too long, they’d had an arm’s-length relationship. He’d tried many different tactics to grow closer to her, but they all seemed to blow up in his face. He cringed whenever he recalled their dinner at The Muddy Oar when Lanie was still planning to go back to California. And he’d come to accept that her decision to stay in Cedar Haven had had nothing to do with him. If anything, his actions had almost sent her running back to the West Coast.
“Seemed a decent meal for a cold day,” he continued when she didn’t respond. “I’m a bit behind, though. I wasn’t expecting you until later.”
“I can leave if you want.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he ground out then closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he opened them and turned to look at her. “I had simply hoped to have things set up by the time you arrived.”
Her expression softened. She nodded at the potatoes he’d set on the counter. “Want me to peel those?”
“You don’t have to,” he said. “I can manage.”
“Nonsense.” She went to the sink and washed her hands. “I’m here now. Might as well put me to work.”
“Thanks,” he said. They worked together in silence. Once the onions were ready, Max added the lamb and the herbs, sautéing the meat mixture on the stove. The water in the pot began to bubble.
“Shall I add these now?” Lanie held out the peeled and chopped potatoes.
Max couldn’t help the smirk that came over his face. “You don’t have to ask. You probably know how to cook this better than I do.”
Her tentative grin took him back in time. She looked so much younger when she smiled like that, and when her hazel eyes lit up, he could almost see the little girl he remembered.
Once she’d added the potatoes to the pot, she stepped back. He finished browning the lamb before draining the grease. Then he added the rest of the ingredients to the meat, stirring to combine them.
“So, how’s school?” he asked, hoping to fill the silence.
“It’s going well. The first couple of months were a bit of a struggle. A lot of the students didn’t remember me from my brief time with them in the spring. They missed Mrs. Carlisle. But we’re finding our groove now.”
“That’s good.” He leaned against the counter and smiled. “I’m glad that all worked out.”
“I’ve had to get up earlier than usual, though, since Steven’s house is farther away.” She gave him a pointed look.
“You’re welcome to come back anytime. You know that.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Do I?”
His face flushed. “I’m sorry for what I said—about not wanting to go to your wedding.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean it.”
“It sure sounded like you meant it.”
The pain in her voice cut through him, and he sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the arch.” He finally met her gaze. “It’s just… You and I haven’t always had the easiest relationship.”
She snorted. “That’s the understatement of the century.”
His chest tightened. “Ouch.” She opened her mouth as if to respond, but he shook his head. “No, I deserve that. But that’s why I was building the arch. I wanted it to be something meaningful to you in hopes it might show you what I’ve always struggled to say.”
“I know you love me, Dad.” She gave a rueful smile. “Sometimes, you have a strange way of showing it, but I know you do, in your own way.”
A splash sounded from the stove, and she hurried over to lower the burner heat for the potatoes. When she turned away, he impulsively pulled her to him in an awkward hug. She stiffened, clearly surprised by the contact, but she shifted slightly to face him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“I hope you know I do appreciate the thought behind the gift,” she mumbled into his shoulder. Too soon, she moved away. “I wish you would have talked to me about it, and your feelings for Carissa. It might have saved us both a lot of heartache.”
His face must have changed at the mention of the wedding planner’s name because Lanie’s eyes narrowed. “Have you spoken to her?”
Max vigorously stirred the meat mixture, hoping Lanie would drop the subject. But he knew his daughter better than that.
“Aren’t you being a little unfair?”
“I don’t want to talk about her,” Max grumbled.
“All right. I won’t press.”
Spinning around in surprise, Max gaped at Lanie. She gave a one-shoulder shrug before testing the potatoes but didn’t volunteer anything else.
Soon, both the potatoes and the meat were ready to be combined. Lanie drained the water before mashing the potatoes with some sour cream, butter, salt, and pepper. After Max poured the meat into the casserole dish, Lanie dolloped potatoes on top. Then he slid the dish into the oven.
“Want something to drink?” he asked.
“Wine would be nice.”
He poured Lanie a glass of wine and got himself some ice water. They sat on opposite sides of the table and sipped their drinks. The silence was stifling, and Max struggled to find a safe topic of conversation.
“So, what are you working on these days?” Lanie asked.
So much for safe subjects. Max braced himself for her reaction. “Well, I’ve been splitting my time between working on a small desk and… finishing the arch.”
Her throat moved as she swallowed her wine and stared at him. A fire lit behind her hazel eyes, but she took a deep breath. It bothered him that she seemed to be carefully choosing her next words.
“We agreed the arch wouldn’t work.”
If things hadn’t been so tense between them, he might have laughed. After all, from where he was sitting, there was no “agreement.” Lanie—and Carissa, for that matter—had told him to ditch the arch idea.
It was his turn to take a breath and measure his words. “While I understand your concerns about the size, I’ve taken Carissa’s measurements into account, and I’m altering the arch to fit the parameters of the church.” When she opened her mouth, presumably to start yelling at him again, he held up a hand. “But I’m also working on the desk. If you don’t like the arch, you can use that instead.”
That seemed to catch her off guard. “You’re giving me a choice?”
“I didn’t want to leave another project unfinished, but I also don’t want to force you to incorporate something you don’t like into your wedding.”
Her eyes became misty. “Dad… I—thank you.”
The conversation was becoming too emotional for his tastes. “See there? I do listen…” He gave a sheepish grin. “Well, sometimes.”
Her laughter warmed his heart. Then the oven beeped, and he rose to remove their dinner. He set it to rest on the counter, and Lanie grabbed dishes and silverware. As she slipped by him to set the table, she put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. And for the first time in a long time, he believed things were going to work out after all.
Later that evening, Max sat in his living room, reflecting on the conversation he’d had with Lanie. She’d been open to the idea of incorporating the arch into the ceremony, but she’d insisted that Carissa be part of the process. Her reasoning had left him doubtful and suspicious.
She’d requested that Carissa view both pieces to determine which would work best. That way, they could still salvage some of the surprise, as Lanie hadn’t seen the desk yet, and she hadn’t viewed the arch since that day she found out about it.
Though he wasn’t thrilled at the idea of Carissa coming to his house again, he’d agreed. He’d also reluctantly promised his daughter he would reconcile with Carissa, at least as far as the wedding went. The last thing he wanted was to cause Lanie more stress before her big day. They’d left things on good terms, with Lanie promising to move back home that weekend. He suspected that had more to do with the distance between Steven’s house and Lanie’s job than anything else. Still, he would take what he could get.
Something Lanie had said at dinner nagged at him. She’d danced around his issues with Carissa, but at one point, she’d told him she missed the happiness he’d shown after he started spending more time with Carissa.
“I can’t remember the last time I saw you so…” She seemed to struggle to find the right word. “Content. Carefree.”
The words had stuck with him because they weren’t ones usually associated with him. Grouchy, grumpy, irritable, pigheaded, and stubborn. That’s what most people say about me.
After she’d said it, he’d thought back to before the whole arch drama. Things with Carissa had been simple, easy. Mixed in with that heady feeling of a new relationship was an unexpected familiarity. Almost like coming home.
In all his righteous anger at Carissa for breaking his trust, he’d pushed aside those feelings to protect his heart. He’d developed that defense mechanism during the final years of his marriage. He found it easier to stay mad, which served only to push him further from what he really wanted—love and acceptance.
His ex-wife’s voice echoed in his head. I told you so. But there was no malice or anger behind it, only gentle teasing.
“You were right.” He smiled sadly. “And now I’m about to make the same mistake twice.”
Oh, your count is much higher than that. He could almost picture her making that retort while her hazel eyes, so much like their children’s, flashed, her hands on her hips. Then he imagined her face softening. You never understood how to be vulnerable. Always had to be the strong one, even when you were falling apart.
Max shook his head, and the image of Melody’s ghost faded. Yet the ache in his chest remained. Melody had warned him that his lack of emotional availability would cause his downfall. She’d meant it regarding his relationship with their children, but he now understood that it applied to other aspects of his life too.
For the first time since their fight, he began to understand Carissa’s perspective. In his quest to save his relationship with his daughter, he’d put Carissa’s professional reputation at risk. Although he couldn’t imagine that Lanie would have bad-mouthed Carissa or her company, he recognized why it concerned Carissa.
Her reputation and business are important to her, but what about me? That was the one question he couldn’t answer. They hadn’t spoken since he’d blasted her after she told Lanie about the arch. While he could, begrudgingly, admit his mistakes and contribution to their falling out, he needed to know if there was space in her life for him.
With a groan, he stood and stretched before heading upstairs to get ready for bed. Lanie had said she requested a meeting with Carissa sometime that week. Her plan was to have Carissa stop by the house and assess the two pieces to determine which one would work for the ceremony.
And then, I’ll know if my arch and my relationship with Carissa have a future.