When Glory Wrote to Collin
Chapter One Fourth Grade
Dear Collin,
I’ll start by saying that I don’t like you very much. I already wasn’t excited about this stupid pen pal project, and then Mrs. Haywood told me I’d have to write to a boy because there aren’t enough girls in your class, and boys are gross.
Anyway, I’m supposed to ask you what it’s like to live in Chicago. What’s the weather like there? What are some things to do? I live in Glendale, Arizona, but my mom always tells people we live in Phoenix. It’s hot here most of the time, and I like to go to the movie theater or swim in my pool.
Okay, that’s all.
Sincerely,
Glory Parker
September 19, 2002
Dear Glory,
I don’t really like you that much either.
Blake Thomas made fun of me for getting a letter that had pink kittens drawn all over the envelope.
When I told him to shut up, he punched me in the face, and he has bigger fists than anyone in the fourth grade.
Luckily I turned my head and he only got me in the jaw, but now I’ll have to explain to my mom why I have a bruise there.
Why do you think boys are gross? My older sister Brittany loves boys.
She talks about them all the time. It’s really annoying.
Chicago is hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It gets so cold sometimes that it freezes the snot in your nose. There are a lot of things to do here, like go to museums and baseball games, but we don’t have enough money to go to them. Sometimes I go hang out at the arcade with my brothers.
That’s cool that you have a pool, your family must be rich. We have a pool at our apartment building, but it’s only open for two months and it smells like burnt beans.
Goodbye,
Collin Finlay
November 6, 2002
Dear Collin,
I’m sorry you got punched in the face. I’m drawing fairy dinosaurs on the envelope of this letter, so hopefully no one makes fun or you for that.
How many siblings do you have? I’ve always wished for a brother or sister to play with, or even fight with.
Anything would be better than being by myself all the time.
I mean, I have friends over sometimes, and once in a while my mom will play board games with me, but mostly I’ll just swim or read or look at constellations.
And yes, we are rich, but not rich enough to buy me a new telescope.
What are some things that you like to do?
If we are going to keep writing to each other, I need you to tell me what you look like so I don’t think of you as some faceless blob.
I’ll tell you what I look like. I have brown eyes and blonde hair that’s really curly and everyone always thinks it’s permed, but it’s not.
I’m taller than Avery Wilson, but not as tall as Courtney McFarland, and I have freckles on my nose.
Sincerely,
Glory Parker
P.S. I still wish you were a girl.
November 17, 2002
Dear Glory,
What kind of a name is Glory? It reminds me of The Battle Hymn of the Republic.
I have a sister and two brothers older than me, and a brother and a sister younger than me.
Believe me, having siblings is no fun. They’re always bothering you and blaming you for stuff, and sometimes I just want to be left alone.
It would be so nice to have my own room where I could read and listen to music without everybody talking and watching TV all the time.
There’s eight of us in our apartment. My parents are in one room, and my sisters are in the other, and my brothers and I sleep in the front room, so we’re always getting woken up when someone comes out to get a drink or when my dad leaves for work early in the morning.
Anyway, everybody says I look like Harry Potter, except my glasses are square and not round, and I don’t have a scar on my forehead. So I guess that’s what I look like.
Goodbye,
Collin Finlay
P.S. Those flying dinosaurs were pretty cool.
March 2, 2003
Dear Collin,
I’ve never heard of Battle Hymn of the Republic. Is that something you sing in church? We don’t go to church. My dad says church is for people who can’t think for themselves.
I still think it would be great to have some brothers or sisters.
It sounds like you get to have a slumber party every night.
One time I went to a slumber party at Jessie Clark’s house, and we ate pizza and ice cream and stayed up until 3 o’clock watching scary movies.
It was the best thing ever! But my mom won’t let me go over there anymore because Jessie’s brother smokes pot.
You look like Harry Potter? I love Harry Potter! Have you read any of the books? I’ve read them all so far, and I read The Goblet of Fire three times, but I haven’t told anyone because my friend Dianna thinks they’re stupid. I can’t wait for the fifth book to come out.
What other books do you like?
Sincerely,
Glory
March 25, 2003
Dear Glory,
I’ve read the first and second Harry Potter books, and I’m halfway through the third.
We don’t own the books, and they’re always checked out at the library, so sometimes I’ll find one of the books at the bookstore and read it by the encyclopedias until one of the workers finds me and kicks me out.
Some other books I like are Bunnicula, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
But a book I really don’t like is James and the Giant Peach. It gave me nightmares for two weeks.
You don’t go to church? I thought everybody had to go to church, like they have to go to school and work.
Usually church is pretty boring, but sometimes I’ll crawl under the pews and tie someone’s shoe laces together or sneak out and play cards with Jimmy Mullin in the storage room.
And yeah, we do sing Battle Hymn of the Republic, especially around the Fourth of July.
Mrs. Adamski sings it so loudly that her head shakes.
What are your favorite subjects in school? Mine are music and social studies.
Goodbye,
Collin Finlay
May 6, 2003
Dear Collin,
I love James and the Giant Peach! But I’d rather crawl inside of a giant pineapple. After I read that book I’d find spiders and worms and pretend to talk to them. Why did it give you nightmares?
My favorite subjects are art and science, but this year we only spent a week on astronomy, and when I asked Mrs. Haywood about cosmic smog, she didn’t know what I was talking about.
What are you going to do during summer break?
My parents are taking me on a Disney cruise.
Again. This will be the third time and I am so sick of them.
I’m getting a little too old to care about Mickey Mouse and stupid princesses.
I mean, some of the activities are fun, but I wish my parents would realize that I’d rather go on a vacation where I got to spend time with them instead of being trapped in a kids club for a week.
Anyway, this is the last letter exchange for our pen pal project, but I kind of like writing to you, even though you’re a boy. So if you want to keep on writing, my address is at the bottom.
Sincerely,
Glory
May 14, 2003
Dear Glory,
The horrible thing about James and the Giant Peach is that the bugs are the same size as him! I’d be okay being friends with a spider as long as it wasn’t as big as me.
I’d love to go on a cruise. We never really take vacations.
The only vacation I’ve been on was when we went to visit my Grandma Wilcox in Cleveland, and it wasn’t very fun because my brother Patrick got sick and threw up all over the car.
So I don’t really know what I’ll do during summer break.
Maybe we’ll go to the lake a couple times, but I think I’ll spend a lot of time collecting cans for the recycling center so I can buy some more CDs.
There’s a new Third Eye Blind album I really want.
I’ll give you my address too since after this project it would be your turn to write to me.
Goodbye,
Collin
P.S. What is cosmic smog?