Nell （Present）
NELL
PRESENT
The next day, when I return to the office, I feel so energized by my day working from home that I buy muffins for everyone and eat a chocolate-chip one, usually my least favorite.
A crisis at the charity—one of our regulars, Tony, has been made homeless—means that Sadie and I end up working later than usual.
“How about we go for a drink?” she asks, when we’re finally able to leave. “To celebrate having found somewhere for Tony to stay.”
“Why not?” I say, acknowledging that if I want the two weeks without Alex to pass quickly, I need to fill the time.
I’ve started online French lessons—it was one of my strongest subjects at school and I want to surprise Alex by being able to speak his mother tongue well—but even those aren’t enough to keep me occupied.
“I might see if Simon can join us,” Sadie says, shrugging on her jacket and knocking the coat stand over in the process. “Would that be all right?”
“Sure, it will be lovely to see him,” I lie, reaching to catch the coat stand before it hits the floor.
I’ve only met Simon, Sadie’s partner, twice but there’s something about him that I can’t quite put my finger on.
It isn’t just that he’s quiet and barely says anything, more that I don’t feel comfortable around him.
But then, he’s a dog handler with the police, so maybe it’s my guilty conscience.
If he were to run a search on me, would he be able to find out who I really am, despite my change of name? Does he already know?
I cross my fingers that some emergency will keep Simon at work but he’s already at the wine bar by the time we arrive.
“Sadie tells me Alex is away again,” he says, when he comes back from getting a round of drinks.
“Yes, for two weeks,” I say, uncomfortable that he knows more about my life than Romy.
But I can hardly ask Sadie not to speak to Simon about Alex.
They’ve been living together for six months now, along with Kintyre, Simon’s German shepherd police dog, and they suit each other.
If Sadie was with someone who talked as much as she did, nobody would ever be able to get a word in.
I watch Simon surreptitiously as he and Sadie exchange news about their days.
In contrast to Sadie’s bubbly, blond-haired, blue-eyed looks, Simon has dark hair and eyes and a heavy, brooding manner, as if he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Still, it can’t be much fun working for the police in the present climate.
And he seems to genuinely care for Sadie, arranging little surprises, a trip to the theater or a weekend away in the country, to compensate for all the times he’s called back to work at a moment’s notice.
“It’s not easy being in a relationship with a police officer,” he acknowledged the first time we met.
“Sadie seems to take it in her stride, though.”
“Well, if you ever need anything while Alex is away, don’t hesitate,” Simon says now.
I can’t help feeling touched and over the course of the next hour I come to understand that Simon is quiet because he’s shy.
He openly admits it, explaining that a stutter he’d had as a child made him afraid to speak, a fear that’s still there despite him no longer having a speech defect, thanks to therapy.
“Although once I have a drink in me, I’m much more vocal. As you can hear,” he adds wryly.
Sadie pulls a face when a phone call takes him back to work.
“I need to go and fetch Kintyre,” he tells her.
“Give him a kiss from me.” Sadie gives me a grin. “I swear I love that dog more than I love Simon,” she says, making me laugh.
I have another drink with Sadie and walk with her to the tube station, where I know I’ll be able to get a taxi home as it stands on the intersection of two traffic-heavy streets.
As we’re saying goodbye, the sensation of eyes on my back creeps slowly down my spine.
I try to ignore it but it becomes unbearable and I whip round, startling Sadie.
“What’s the matter?” she asks, her hand on her heart.
“I don’t know. It feels as if there’s someone there, watching us.” The “us” is subconscious, my mind needing to make it less threatening, as if it’s not just about me but about Sadie too. “Did you see anyone?”
Sadie shakes her head. “Can’t say I noticed.” She peers over my shoulder. “There’s not really anyone around.”
“Will you wait with me until I get a taxi?” I ask, unconvinced.
“Why don’t you take the tube? You’ll only have to change once from here, won’t you?”
“I prefer to be dropped right at the door.” I give Sadie a quick smile. “Call it laziness.”
“I’d never call you lazy,” Sadie protests. “A taxi it is, then. Look, there’s one.” She raises her hand and a black cab pulls up alongside us.
“Do you want to share it as far as Paddington?” I ask. “You can take the tube from there.”
“Thanks, but I don’t mind riding the underground.” She gives me a hug. “See you tomorrow.”
Twenty minutes later I’m standing on my doorstep, my key ready, while the taxi chugs patiently in the background.
I unlock the door and step inside, switch on the hall light, then turn and give a grateful wave to the taxi driver, wondering what he must make of a grown woman asking him to back his vehicle down the street where she lives so that he can deposit her right outside her front door and then wait until she’s safely inside before driving off. But at least I’m safe, not like Ariane.
Ariane. I try to push her from my mind. I don’t want to start thinking about her again, I don’t want to think about her being murdered.
But as I slip off my shoes and hang my coat on the peg behind the door, Ariane refuses to go away.
There are too many questions still unanswered.
How was she murdered? Who found her? Alex?
If it wasn’t him, how had he discovered she’d been murdered?
I don’t know why it’s important for me to know these things, it just is.
After the noise and bustle of the wine bar, the silence in the house weighs on me.
I walk through the rooms, switching on lights.
It isn’t a big house; a kitchen and sitting room downstairs, a bedroom and bathroom upstairs.
Satisfied that there’s no one hiding behind a door, I get ready for bed and wait for Alex to phone.
“How has your day been?” he asks.
“Good,” I say, perching on the edge of my bed. “I went for drinks after work with Sadie and Simon.”
“Friends I haven’t yet met,” he reminds me.
“I barely know Simon, so he’s not really a friend. And I like you being a secret for now.”
“Hmm. So you like having secrets, do you?”
“It depends,” I tease. “On what they are.”
“Right.” There’s a pause. “Are there any I should know about?”
Aware of the serious tone in his voice, my heart misses a beat. What if he’s had me investigated? I don’t know why he would have but maybe it’s something he does when he meets someone new. What if he knows, and is waiting for me to tell him the truth?
Panic surges at the thought that Alex might be testing me. “Not that I can think of,” I say. “Why?”
He laughs. “I was joking.” Fear drains from my body, leaving me weak. “So, if you’ve been going out and about, I take it you’re not missing me too much?”
“I am, I can’t wait for you to come back,” I say, my heart still racing. “How was your dad? Did you have a good dinner with him?”
“Yes, and he’d like to meet the woman who makes me deaf to his conversation because my mind is on her.” Alex gives a rueful laugh. “He found me very distracted, this time. He’s made me promise to bring you with me on one of my trips.”
“I’d love that.”
We talk awhile longer. The five-hour time difference between Washington and London means that it’s nearly midnight when we finally hang up. As I get into bed, there’s a part of me that wishes Alex had had me investigated, because then I’d have been forced to tell him the truth.