Nell
PRESENT
“I meant to ask,” I say, a while later over soggy pasta puttanesca. “And this isn’t in any way to make you feel guilty, but did you send me flowers last week? Lilies.”
Alex groans. “No, I didn’t, and now I do feel guilty because of course I should have thought to send you flowers, especially after letting you down by going to Paris.”
“No guilt required,” I tell him. “They were dead.”
“I hope you told the florist.”
“I couldn’t, because there wasn’t a card. Anyway, I think they were delivered by hand. I found them on the doorstep.”
He looks quizzically at me. “But that would mean whoever delivered them would have known they were dead.”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t know who they were from?”
“No.”
“Hm. Have you thought that they might have been from Marcus?”
I look at him, shocked. “Marcus wouldn’t do something like that.”
“He bought the house opposite you and only told you after the event,” he reminds me.
“Yes, but that’s just weird. The flowers are creepy.”
“Is there a difference?”
I fall silent.
“Hey.” Alex’s voice brings me back to the present and I decide that while Alex is here I’m going to live in the moment.
For the next ten days, I won’t think about the future, about the weeks ahead when he’s no longer with me.
I won’t think about Damon Parker coming after me.
I won’t think about the past, or mention babies.
I’ll ignore the longing, the need to know if having a child is something Alex might consider, until after Christmas, when the New Year is about to begin, when we’re away on holiday together.
I can see everything coming together in my mind, almost tangible, if I can just be patient.
“Sorry,” I say, twirling my fork in my pasta. “I’ve been thinking about what we could do this weekend. Any preferences?”
“Plenty. And they don’t involve going anywhere.” He looks suddenly alarmed. “Please don’t tell me you’ve invited friends over.”
“I haven’t. But I was thinking we should have Béatrice and Victor over while you’re here.”
“I’d really like that. I miss not being able to invite people over. Not having my own place means I have to take them to restaurants.”
“You’ll have your own place soon,” I say.
“Our own place,” he corrects. “Are you sure you want to move?”
“Quite sure,” I say firmly. “Why don’t you see if Béatrice and Victor are free on Sunday? If they are, I’d like to invite Inès along as well.”
“Good idea.”
He takes out his phone and sends a message to his sister.
She replies almost immediately, saying that she was thinking of inviting us over but that she and Victor are delighted to come to mine.
I message Inès and invite her, adding that if it’s one of her weekends with Maxime, he’s welcome to come along as well.
It’s a weekend without and I’m already bored so I’d love to come, she replies.
Great, I message back. And please don’t say anything about me learning French. I don’t want Alex to know just yet.
She sends a thumbs-up emoji and I turn to Alex. “Perfect. They’re all free.”
“Thank you,” he says. “For thinking of inviting Béatrice and Victor over. I can’t wait for the four of us to be able to spend more time together.”
“Me too,” I say, giving him a kiss.
On Sunday, I go shopping early, leaving Alex to recover from his ever-present jet lag. I come back laden with bags and he’s mortified that I’ve carried bottles of wine as well as kilos of fruit and vegetables.
“Why didn’t you call me?” he exclaims, taking the bags from me. “I would have come and carried them for you.”
I slip the last two bags from my shoulders. “I didn’t want to disturb you. And they weren’t that heavy. I’ve carried more.”
“You’re not doing another thing.” He heaves the bags onto the worktop. “Sit down, while I do the cooking.”
I watch him as he moves around the kitchen, opening cupboards, working out where things are until he turns and looks at me.
“What?” he asks when he sees me smiling.
“Nothing. Just loving seeing the domestic side of you,” I say.
Béatrice and Victor arrive, followed soon after by Inès. They all profess to love my house, even though it’s far less grand than their apartments. Alex tells them that he’s going to be working in the UK for three weeks each month and I tell them of our plans to move to something bigger.
“I have some news too,” Inès says, when we’re having a pre-lunch drink. “Maxime’s transfer to London has come through. From March first, he’ll be living with me.”
“That’s wonderful!” Béatrice exclaims. She leans over and gives Inès a hug, her bump getting in the way. She settles back on the sofa with difficulty. “I’ll be glad when this one arrives,” she says, rubbing her stomach.
“Only a few more weeks,” Victor says, smiling at her. “Then all hell will be let loose.”
We all laugh and he turns to Inès. “I’m very pleased for you, even if it means we’re going to lose our babysitter.”
“Maxime and I will babysit for you anytime. Hopefully your beautiful child will inspire us to start our family sooner rather than later.”
“I wouldn’t count on that. When you see how we look after a few months of sleepless nights, you might change your minds,” Victor says, making us all laugh again. He turns to Alex. “You’ve been there before—tell me, seriously, how was it?”
Alex scratches his head. “Wow, you’re asking me something, it was such a long time ago.” He thinks for a moment. “Scary, confusing, but also wonderful. That sums it up best, I think. But you and Béatrice are older than Delphine and I were and that will count for a lot.”
“Would you go through it again, though?” Victor asks.
I get to my feet, uncomfortable at where the conversation is going. “I’ll just clear these away,” I say, gathering up the empty glasses.
“Let me help you,” Inès says.
“Thanks.”
We carry the glasses through to the kitchen and put them on the island.
“Did you need to escape?” she asks, giving me a sympathetic smile.
“It’s just that I didn’t want to hear Alex’s answer, not in front of everyone. What if he’d said no?”
“Haven’t you discussed it with him yet?”
“No, I’m waiting until we’re on holiday. I don’t know where we’re going, he wants it to be a surprise.”
“You really have no idea?”
“Well, I think I’ve kind of figured it out.
Alex told me I need to bring clothes for both hot and cold weather so my guess is that we’re going to Washington to see his father, as he won’t be seeing him at Christmas and then on to somewhere hot for a beach holiday.
But I don’t mind where we go, all I want is for us to spend some time together, just the two of us.
What about you? Are you spending the holidays with Maxime? ”
“Yes, we’re celebrating Christmas on the twenty-fourth with my family and on the twenty-fifth with Maxime’s.
Luckily our families both live in Paris so it’s easy to divide ourselves between the two.
” She gives me a smile. “Shall we meet for a drink, once Alex has gone back to the US? Have a little Christmas celebration of our own?”
“That would be lovely,” I say.