Chapter 35 #2
Lola looked around her studio at the relics of her life in music. Songwriting was who she was at her core. She wasn’t going to give that up.
She listened to “Starcrossed” again, setting sentiment aside to concentrate on what others would hear. She could change the lyrics, remove all the sapphic easter eggs—but no. The song was right as it was. So what if it sounded a little gay? Lola was a little gay.
She replied to Ackerlund: Sorry I’ve been MIA. Personal stuff. But I’m back now. I’m sending Starcrossed to the label.
When Lola was starting out, her label had assigned her an A&R person to give direction on her sound and what songs to record and release, then he ran her music up the chain for approval.
Now that Lola was a global star and one of the label’s top artists, Lola developed her songs herself.
When tracks were ready to go, Gloriana sent them directly to Jamie Alexander, the label’s exec, for sign-off.
Lola and Jamie had a good relationship—he usually let her do what she wanted, and she made him tons of money and hired his niece, Cassidy, as her assistant.
Before she could change her mind, Lola texted Gloriana on the iPad: Can you send the final version of Starcrossed to Jamie? She added a link to the file and hit send.
Immediately, an incoming call appeared on the iPad.
“Hi, honey, how are you feeling?” Gloriana trilled. Lola could hear sounds of the highway in the background. “Let me send a facialist over for a little pampering.”
“No, thank you. I’m doing a little better. Tatiana was just here and—”
“That’s fantastic,” Gloriana cut in. “Listen, about the song. I can buy you more time, you don’t have to rush into anything.”
“I haven’t released new music in almost two years. It’s hardly rushing.”
“I’m looking out for you, honey. You’re so fragile and I know this song is about Renee.”
“I’m not that fragile,” Lola said, a little annoyed. “It’s just a song. A great song. And I want to play it for Jamie, okay?”
“Absolutely. Will do. While I have you, there is some business about the film. I’ve reached out to Chess Waterston’s people and he’s willing to step in.”
Lola’s stomach turned at the thought of a camera tailing her again, this time with Chess Waterston’s fedora behind it. Gloriana and the rest of the team wanted this film to happen so badly, but what had Tatiana said? To get what she wanted, Lola had to stop putting everyone else first.
“No,” she heard herself say.
“No?”
“I was clear that I don’t want to work with him—”
Gloriana huffed. “Is there another childhood acquaintance you’d like to dig up to make the film? This is urgent. We need—”
“I said no,” Lola said decisively. “You know what? I think it’s best to put the film on hold.”
“On hold ?”
“Like you said, I’m so fragile,” Lola said.
“We’ve gone over this, Lola. We have an obligation to Streamy.”
“Either the film’s on hold, or I’ll pay to break the contract.”
“You’ll what ?”
“If they want me, they’ll wait. That’s the only way I’m doing it.”
“Let me remind you that our objective here is to make sure that America remembers who Lola Gray is.”
Lola frowned, though Gloriana couldn’t see it. “When we release this song, they’ll remember.”
T HE NEXT DAY , Lola padded into the kitchen while Cassidy was unloading groceries. At first, Cassidy went cautiously still, like Lola was a bird that might startle and fly away, then she held up a bag of fruit.
“I was going to bring you a smoothie, in case you’re low on micronutrients.”
Lola’s heart swelled with affection at how Cassidy had cared for her the last few days. “I think I am low on micronutrients. Thanks, Cassidy.”
“How are you feeling?”
“A little rough, but better. Could you ask the housekeeper to do my room? I’m going to be … getting back to normal.”
Only when Cassidy perked up did Lola realize how worried she had looked. “I hate seeing you sad like that again.”
“Me too,” Lola said. “Thank you for checking in on me. And for calling Tatiana.”
Cassidy ducked her head, smiling to herself, and focused on deseeding a papaya. Lola had always kept Cassidy at arm’s length. But Cassidy had already seen Lola at her worst. Maybe Lola could let her in.
She leaned a hip against the counter. “Listen, I’ve been thinking—maybe I should release the album anyway? The songs are all about Renee, but they’re good, right? I don’t want to waste them. What do you think?”
“What do I think?” Cassidy’s cheeks pinked. She stopped fussing with the fruit. “I think that would be great! I know those songs mean a lot to you. The ones I’ve heard are really good—I’ve been getting them stuck in my head all the time. But isn’t the album shelved?”
Lola popped a strawberry into her mouth, the flavor bright on her tongue. “No, that’s the Ava album,” she said as she chewed. “But who knows, maybe I’ll put some of the Ava songs on there too and write a break-up anthem or two.”
“No, I meant, isn’t this album shelved?”
Lola shook her head. “No, this time is different.”
Cassidy’s face had gone pale above the partly sliced papaya. “Lola, Gloriana told Jamie it was shelved.”
Gloriana hadn’t mentioned that. Maybe she’d assumed that’s what Lola would want. She was probably trying to make things easier on Lola. But there was a doubtful pit in Lola’s stomach.
“When did she do that?”
“Yesterday. He texted me because Gloriana told him there was going to be a new direction for the album, and he wanted to check if everything was okay with you—but I told him it was!”
“That’s weird,” Lola said uneasily. “I had just talked to her about playing ‘Starcrossed’ for Jamie. I was clear that I wanted to move forward.”
Even if half of Lola’s brain was churning out excuses for Gloriana, the rest of it recognized the simplest explanation. She needed to have a serious talk with her manager.
But Cassidy was looking wan. “I’m not mad that you talked to your uncle about me,” Lola said. “I trust you, Cassidy.”
Cassidy burst into tears. “You shouldn’t! I’m so sorry, Lola. I feel terrible—”
Lola gently took the knife from her hand and sat her down on a stool. It took Cassidy a minute to calm down before she could speak.
“You know those pictures, from Michigan?” Cassidy hiccupped.
Lola stilled. “What about them?”
“It’s all my fault—I think she sent that photographer after you.”
“Who did?”
“Gloriana.”
Lola’s insides went ice cold. Gloriana had treated those pictures like a scandal—and the only way to clean it up was to do exactly what Gloriana said.
To stop being seen in public with Renee.
To put off coming out. To get back together with Nash.
Lola pressed her lips together hard, then asked, “Why do you think it was her?”
“Gloriana called when you left and said she was worried, that it wasn’t like you to run off, and—and she wasn’t wrong, you never do stuff like that! She knew you had shared your location with me, and she asked me to watch it and to tell her if you went anywhere.”
It all made sense. The paparazzo had no reason to be in a small town in Michigan, camped out at that exact brewery.
And why expose the moments before and after the kiss, but skip the money shot?
Lola Gray kissing a woman was a much bigger story than Lola Gray “getting cozy” with one.
But now she understood: Gloriana had made sure they didn’t have photos of the kiss.
She’d only sold them the photos she could spin—as long as Lola fell back into line.
For years, Claudia had been telling her that Gloriana was manipulative and controlling, and Lola had defended her.
Lola had thought Gloriana cared about her—Lola Grigorian, not Lola Gray.
Worse, she thought Gloriana loved her. After all, Gloriana had been like the mother she’d always wanted.
Lola had trusted Gloriana’s guidance over her own opinions, because Gloriana had made a million good decisions that had built Lola’s career.
But now Lola could see that there was one issue they would never agree on.
Gloriana would never be convinced that Lola should come out.
Those paparazzi photos were proof. Yet as mad as Lola was over that, the fact that Gloriana had tried to block “Starcrossed” made her furious.
Gloriana could try to control Lola’s personal life, but she could not fuck with her music.
Fresh tears spilled down Cassidy’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done it, but she said you could be in trouble.”
“It’s okay,” Lola said. She hugged Cassidy tight. “This isn’t your fault.”
“Am I fired?” Cassidy sniffed.
“No. You’re not.”
L OLA BIDED HER time, though not because she expected Gloriana to correct her mistake and send the song to Jamie.
Lola had known immediately what she wanted to do, like a lump of lead in her belly.
That certainty felt unfamiliar. She called Claudia to talk it all through, though as usual, her sister only ever encouraged her to follow her own heart.
She talked to Tatiana, who had professional insight to share, and a satisfying string of profanity.
Still, Lola had never made a decision this huge without talking to Gloriana first. It felt strange and scary to act on her own—but that didn’t mean it wasn’t right.
Lola also waited because she had a lot of planning to do.
Cassidy, who knew a lot about the music industry and had apparently been underutilized coordinating the dry cleaning, helped.
Lola made calls to her accountant and her lawyers, people she hadn’t spoken with directly in years.
She even wrote the start of a new song—her first female empowerment anthem.
Part of Lola wished Renee could see her now. Those final words—that she wanted her to stop saying she’d do anything that Renee wanted—still scalded like a fresh burn. But Renee had been right.
As Lola’s car pulled up to Gloriana’s office, Cassidy—clutching her phone with her usual intensity, but with an added dose of impish excitement—said, “Ready?”
Lola nodded.