Chapter 26
Cal
Cal was no stranger to sleepless nights involving sharing his bed with someone else, but his experience with Jesse was very different from any of those experiences.
They stayed up late as Jesse described the moments from Cal’s various movies that had stuck with him.
Cal was well aware of the fact that people all over the world looked up to him as the swoonworthy hero of their dreams. But somehow, holding Jesse in his arms, listening to him talk, and taking in the way he blushed or the way his eyes sparkled depending on what he said, felt unlike any experience with fans Cal had encountered.
Perhaps it was because Jesse knew the real him underneath all of the cinematic gloss.
He couldn’t shake the memory of Jesse closing his legs when Cal touched him.
He didn’t want to ruin the special connection they’d shared.
It had been easy to offer an alternative that might make Jesse more comfortable.
But as he held Jesse close and watched him drowsily recount his favorite Cal Campbell moments, he realized he didn’t know what came next.
Jesse described the way Cal had kissed Billy Kern, how Cal had lifted Mae Williams’ face before kissing her, Cal kissing Nina O’Shea’s shoulders and up to her neck, the way Cal held Cosmo Blake in his arms, how he’d bantered with Edie, how he’d stroked the cheek of one co-star and the hair of another.
As he listened, Cal realized that Jesse had fantasized about his tenderness, his kiss, and his embrace.
But the fantasies seemed to end there. Jesse did not imagine them in bed, and never had.
He sifted his fingers gently through Jesse’s hair as the other man fell asleep, and wondered if Jesse wanted anything beyond what he’d seen in the movies.
Cal didn’t have to wonder if he would be disappointed if that was the case; he already knew he’d be lucky to have anything Jesse was willing to give.
The realization that Jesse had been secretly yearning for him throughout their time filming, while still making Cal feel safe and seen, made him hold the other man a little closer.
There were many things Cal didn’t yet know about the young man in his arms, but he did know that Jesse allowed him to be himself, and that Cal always felt peaceful in his presence.
He knew he enjoyed Jesse’s company, that he admired his work ethic, and that he was a skilled co-star.
He knew he could count Jesse as his friend.
And he knew that he was in love with him.
But he had no idea how to show it.
As he drifted off to sleep himself, he resolved to seek advice from the one person he could trust with such musings.
* * *
The following morning, Cal had breakfast sent up and he and Jesse ate leisurely in bed. When Jesse attempted to apologize, Cal put a hand on his cheek.
“Last night was wonderful, Jesse. You have nothing to apologize for.”
Jesse blushed but didn’t argue, although there was a set to his jaw that suggested he had thoughts on the matter.
After breakfast, Cal drove him home, kissed him goodbye, and returned to his house alone. He was unsurprised to find Fred waiting for him, a smug expression on his face.
Without waiting for Fred’s upcoming quip, Cal said, “Be so good as to tell Edie that I’ll meet her for lunch at the usual place and time tomorrow.”
Fred arched an eyebrow. “You already have her blessing. I hope you didn’t wait—”
“I’m not asking for her blessing. I want her advice.”
Fred gave him a long look and then nodded. “Is that all? You know I would have preferred sleeping in.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“You needed me.”
Cal didn’t question that. He had no idea how Fred’s magic worked, but he supposed it must be similar to his own.
His magic could always sense tension and stress.
Sometimes he wasn’t even fully aware he was using his magic until he was in the process of doing so.
Perhaps in the same way Fred felt when Cal had a task for him.
He sent his hungover secretary home and spent the day attempting to keep himself busy.
By the time he went to bed, he had worked himself into an anxious state and had to drink a nightcap in order to fall asleep.
The scent of Jesse’s soap on his sheets certainly didn’t help, but Cal soaked in the smell all the same.
* * *
Edie was waiting for him at the deli, reading over a script as she sipped her coffee. She didn’t look up from the script as she turned her cheek for him to kiss and said, “If you came here to tell me you broke that sweet boy’s heart, I’m going to smack you upside the head.”
“No, I didn’t come here to tell you that.”
“Good.” She took another sip of her coffee, her eyes still glued to the page in front of her.
Cal had spent the entire previous day not thinking about what he was going to say when he saw her, and now that he was finally sitting in front of her, he felt all of his questions bubble up to the surface. She didn’t put the script down until the sandwiches arrived.
“Well?”
“He came to my place the other night.”
She arched an eyebrow. “And?”
“And, we started to…” He cleared his throat.
She rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to protect my delicate sensibilities.”
“I know. I just…don’t know where to begin.”
She folded her hands in front of her on the table and waited.
He let out a sigh and tried again. “We went back to my place, and things were going well. But when I touched him, he didn’t seem to want it.
” He wetted his lips. “And when I asked if I was going too fast, he said I wasn’t.
So I had him touch me instead. Which he did.
But…he didn’t seem to enjoy that either. At least, not in the way that I was.”
“So then what happened?”
“Then we talked. But not about that, really. He told me…” He paused. For some reason, telling Edie about touching and kissing didn’t feel like a breach of trust, but telling her about everything Jesse had said did. “We talked about what he considers romantic.”
“And now you’re worried because…?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt him,” he said, the words bursting out of him at last. “I don’t want to do anything that he doesn’t like, and I don’t want to push him away. And I don’t want to let him down like…like I let you down.”
Edie pushed the plates aside and put her hands on his. “Cal, you never let me down.”
“I dragged you into a marriage you didn’t want—”
“The studio did that.”
“Yes, but we both know you’d have kept resisting if I hadn’t caved.”
She shrugged. “It was a lesson learned. I learned that I was correct in believing that marriage wasn’t for me, and you learned that the studio isn’t always right.”
Cal looked down at her hands grasping his own.
He’d been so certain their friendship would translate into a successful marriage.
When Edie had confessed that she was uninterested in sex, he’d been unbothered by the news.
When she had stated her desire to live alone, he’d readily agreed.
And he had loved her enough to let her go when she’d asked him: the ultimate test. Their friendship remained, but Cal had learned more than the simple truth that the studio was fallible; he’d learned that even when he was willing to do whatever it took, it may not be enough.
The prospect that he might have to learn that lesson again with Jesse was too much to bear.
“Oh, Cal, sweetie.” Edie stood and hurried around to the other side of the table, pulling Cal’s face to her shoulder so his tears wouldn’t be seen by the waitstaff.
Cal gave a shuddering sob into her shoulder and then pulled himself together. He straightened and wiped his eyes. “I don’t want to lose him, Edie,” he whispered at last.
“What makes you so sure you will?”
He gave her a meaningful look. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
She cupped his chin. “He’s not me. Have you seen the way he looks at you?”
Cal sighed and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I don’t doubt his interest or his affection. But what if what I have to offer isn’t enough?”
She smacked the back of his head.
“Ow!” he said, looking up at her. Light danced in front of his eyes from where he’d been pressing against them.
“Do you actually read the scripts you’re assigned, or do you just open your mouth like a ventriloquist dummy?”
He frowned in confusion.
“Are you even hearing yourself right now? You could be any number of Cal Campbell’s roles.
The lovelorn hero, wondering whether he’s enough, meanwhile the audience is hollering at the screen.
” She reached across the table for her coffee and dragged it over the surface towards her and took a sip.
“You’ve been in enough romance flicks. You know how it ends. ”
Cal opened his mouth to argue that real life wasn’t like the movies, thank you very much, but paused. Jesse had described plenty of movies that played out exactly as Edie said.
Edie tapped his chin to close his mouth. “Well?”
“I guess I need to tell him that I love him.”
“Mm-hmm. I think a good old-fashioned smooch is usually beneficial to that kind of thing.”
“Aw, gee, how romantic.”
“You know me,” she said cheerfully. “‘Romantic’ is not in my vocabulary unless it’s in a script.”
“And even then you usually replace it with something else.”
“You betcha.”
He sighed. “I just hope it’s enough. He’s really special, Edie.”
“You know, you’re pretty special yourself.
And I don’t mean Cal Campbell, the movie star.
I mean you.” She grabbed his chin and pulled him close to smack a kiss on his cheek.
Then she got up and scooted back into her own booth seat.
“I haven’t said it yet, but I’m proud of you, Cal.
I know how hard the divorce was for you.
I’m glad to see you with someone who deserves you. ”
Cal put a hand on the table, palm up, and Edie slid hers into it.
“Thank you, Edie.”
“You’re very welcome, Calvin. Go sweep that cutie off his feet. But eat your lunch first.”