Chapter 28
Cal
Cal woke up with Jesse snuggled in his arms, feeling content, but with the niggling feeling of things unsaid.
It occurred to him, as he drowsily eased into consciousness, that he had yet to tell Jesse he loved him.
He looked down at the other man sleeping and the feeling of contentedness warmed him through.
When Jesse woke, he smiled at Cal and then his cheeks reddened. Cal didn’t have long to guess what had caused the blush.
“I’m afraid I can’t send for breakfast like you did.”
“I don’t mind.”
Jesse rubbed at his face. “Not much of a host, I guess. First last night, now this.”
“Jesse.”
Jesse met his gaze.
Cal thought back to what Jesse had described the other night—he liked tenderness, craved it. So Cal stroked light fingertips across his cheek. “I think we need to talk some more about last night. There’s something important that I neglected to mention.”
Jesse bit his lip.
“I love you.”
Jesse’s eyes widened.
Cal smiled and traced Jesse’s lips with his fingers.
“I love everything about you. I love how intelligent and hard-working you are. I love how kind and thoughtful you are. I love how you never take anything for granted. I love the way your face lights up when you dance. I love the way you feel in my arms.” Cal felt himself smile a little at the inadvertent paraphrasing.
“And perhaps it’s selfish, but I also love how I am when I’m around you.
I love how at peace I feel. I love that you don’t need me, but you like being around me anyway.
I love that I get to be me.” He shook his head.
“I’d begun to lose that person. I’m grateful that you brought him back.
And,” he went on, brushing a hand through Jesse’s hair. “I love you more than I love sex.”
Jesse swallowed, his eyes glistening. “But wouldn’t you miss it?” His voice was still scratchy with sleep and Cal secretly adored the way it sounded.
“I enjoy it. But if sex was all that important to me, I could have gone to Edie’s parties more often. As you may recall, there is no lack of potential and interested partners there. And, as you may recall, I was not engaged with any of them the last time we went.”
The corners of Jesse’s mouth lifted.
“I’ve been craving a deeper connection for some time.
When I married Edie, I thought I’d found it.
But it wasn’t what she wanted. That was why our marriage didn’t last. We didn’t want the same things, at least not the things that mattered.
But you and I,” Cal went on, sliding his hands to stroke at Jesse’s jaw, “I think we do want the same things, the ones that matter. We both want friendship and connection. If all that we do is kiss and talk, and work together, and spend free time together, then I’d be happy.
And if occasionally I got to fall asleep with you in my arms, then I’d be—”
Jesse surged forward to kiss him. Cal cradled him in his embrace and kissed him back. When they broke off, Jesse leaned his forehead against Cal’s. “Yes,” he whispered.
“I love you, Jesse.”
The tips of Jesse’s eyelashes were wet as he said, “I love you too, Cal.”
Cal turned them so he could brace himself over Jesse and kiss him deeply. Soon he realized that the warm feeling filling him body and soul wasn’t just contentment; it was his magic calm and relaxed for the first time. He could feel the slide and buzz of it from his head to his toes.
Jesse wrapped his arms around Cal’s neck. “You look like you’re glowing,” he murmured.
“Mm. I feel like it, too. It’s your fault, you know. I guess we can add another item to the list of things I love about you.”
Jesse grinned, tugged him close, and Cal settled into where he belonged.