Chapter 4
Chapter Four
OSCAR
Ican feel Harvey’s judgy stare as I add milk to my oatmeal.
“Dude, give it a rest,” I call over my shoulder. I get some rustling in reply. I turn, leaning back against the countertop and meet his gaze.
His head tips to the side, one of his long ears flopping against the straw. It’s like he knows. Maybe he can sense my guilty conscience.
“I’ve got to go into town tomorrow anyway. I’ll swing by and apologize.”
His nose twitches. I might be projecting and he just wants to be let out of his hutch, but he won’t stop staring me down with those black rabbit-eyes.
“Harv, can you give me a break?”
Not a chance. He starts turning in circles, kicking his straw against the mesh. What the fuck is his problem? I let out a long sigh, dropping my untouched breakfast on the counter.
“Fine, I’ll go now! Happy?”
Nothing.
I slip on my boots and grab my coat off the hook. Hopefully once I’ve made things right with Freya I can finally have some peace, and the image of her sad eyes will stop haunting me at every hour. Then I’ll drop off the yarn with my mom, kill two birds with one stone.
I couldn’t face her yesterday, knowing she’d take one look at me and force the whole story out. If she ever finds out about how I acted, she’ll drag me over there by my ear to apologize, like she did when I was seven and hit a baseball through Mr. Chen’s window.
She’d be right to. I mean, Jesus Christ, it’s like I was raised in a fuckin’ barn.
I take my truck. I could walk it in less than twenty minutes, but I don’t want to wait.
I park down the street and head toward the store, tucking my hands into my pockets against the cold.
In my hurry, I don’t bother to read the sign and try to push straight through the locked door, almost smacking my face on the glass.
“Shit,” I mutter to myself.
“She’s closed on Thursdays,” a voice calls out. I turn around to find Becca in the doorway of her diner, giving me a vaguely amused look.
“Yeah, I got that much,” I grumble.
I take another look at the shop, the glow of the street casting the hardwood floors in a soft light. Damn.
I guess I might as well get a sandwich out of the trip. I cross to Becca’s and get hit by the smells wafting out of the diner, only now remembering the oatmeal I left abandoned on the counter.
“You didn’t get what you were looking for yesterday?” Becca asks, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips.
I give her a hard look. I know what she wants, and I’m not biting.
“Well, you’ll just have to come by again tomorrow.” She heads behind the counter. “The usual?”
I nod, pulling out my wallet. “Thanks.”
She accepts the bills, sliding them into the register before she starts on the tuna melt and black coffee I order at least twice a week. Waiting for the melt to cook, she eyes me suspiciously. “You know, it’s funny. I’ve never known Freya to close up early, but she did yesterday.”
I freeze, blink twice. “She did?”
“She did,” Becca confirms with an eyebrow raise. “Right after you stormed out looking like someone pissed on your lawn.”
I wince. How badly did I upset her?
“You saw that?”
“Honey, the entire front of my diner is made of glass.” She tilts her head. “Yes, I saw you.”
“Right. Sure,” I mumble, accepting the coffee she hands over.
“Your sandwich’ll be ready in just a minute.”
“Thanks.” I give her a half smile, throwing my change back into the tip jar.
The bell over the door chimes when I’m halfway through eating, and I glance up to see Mack and his wife entering just as a small body collides with my knee.
“Occa!” it shouts, pulling a grin out of me as I reach down and pick up the three-year-old. She’s wearing a mini Cedar Creek Fire Department T-shirt that Joni had made a few months back when we were celebrating Mack’s third year as captain.
“Hey, Birdie.” I smile and place her on my lap.
I wave over at Joni, Mack’s wife, who flashes me a grateful look as the two of them order at the counter.
Birdie immediately starts squirming, gripping a handful of my beard in her fist and attempting to stand on my thighs.
I must be due for a shave if she can get her little hand into it.
I hold her up as she teeters, enjoying her new vantage point. “How you doing there?” I ask.
“Me and Daddy are going park,” she yells, causing me to flinch back at the volume. The dark blonde hair that she gets from her dad falls in messy ringlets around her face. I brush a strand out of her eyes and tuck it behind her ear.
“Oh yeah?” I ask. “Which park?”
She frowns at me, scrunching up her little nose. “The park,” she answers, like it’s obvious.
Luckily Mack finishes at the counter before I can drop his daughter.
He scoops her off my lap and lifts her over his head, her squeals of delight echoing around the diner as he flies her around the table.
“We’re walking Momma to work, and then we’re gonna go play, aren’t we, baby?
” he says to her. “Hey, Murphy.” He smiles at me. “Sorry about this little monkey.”
“It’s no bother.” I grin back. “I’ve been told I make a good jungle gym.”
He slides into the seat across from me, Birdie nestled on his lap. I’m happy they’ve come in. Usually I have dinner with Mack’s family a couple times a month, but we’ve both been crazy busy at the station. It hasn’t left much time for socializing.
He was tough on me this week, but there are no hard feelings. He just wants the best for the crew, and that means running a tight ship.
He sets Birdie down and tilts his head. “What are you up to?”
“Becca said he came in to see that woman,” Joni offers unhelpfully as she approaches the table. Becca. “The craft store lady?”
“I just needed to give her a message.” I take a bite of my sandwich, hoping it’ll protect me from more questions. Luckily Birdie takes the opportunity to try and climb onto her mom, almost falling between the two chairs and causing enough commotion that any further interrogation is forgotten.
Once Birdie is locked into the cage of her dad’s arms, he turns his stare back to me.
“You think any more on what we talked about?”
I grunt at my half-eaten sandwich. Shit. I had really been hoping he wouldn’t bring this up again. I gave him my answer when he mentioned it last month, and another handful of times since, but he won’t drop it.
“Yup,” I say before shoving another bite into my mouth.
“And?”
“And I’m thinking the same thing I told you three days ago.”
“Do I wanna know what this is about?” Joni asks with an exasperated smile.
“I was telling Oscar here what a great captain he’d be,” Mack says.
I give Joni a chagrined smile. “And I told your husband that I’m happy where I am.”
“You’d be a real asset to a station, Murph.
” I watch him as he speaks, his blue eyes intent.
I know he believes it. He means well, but he’s way off base here.
He’s been pushing me to consider going up for the captain’s exam, something I’ve been clear is not happening.
I used to want to be a captain so badly, it was all I was working toward, but not anymore.
“And leave your ugly mug?” I roll my eyes, trying to play it off. I’m not ready, and I probably never will be. The thought of being responsible for a whole crew, having them depend on me…It’s too much. I’d only let them down.
Besides, I’d have to leave Cedar Creek, and that’s not an option.
“Just think about it,” he argues.
“I’ll think about it all you want, it’s not gonna change my answer.”
He waves me off. “Fine, but you’ll see that I’m right about this.”
I roll my eyes. “If you say so, boss.”
“How’s the open house coming along?” Joni asks, throwing me a bone.
I give her a grateful smile at the change of subject.
Twice a year we throw an open house fundraiser at the station.
Usually Mack puts it together, but this time he’s left me in charge.
Something about growing my ‘organization and leadership skills’.
I know exactly what he’s doing, but he’s been so busy lately that I still jumped at the chance to take it off his plate.
I nod. “Nearly there. Got all the games ironed out, just need to book the last of the food trucks.”
“Sounds like it’s gonna be a lot of fun.” She smiles.
“Should be.” It had better be. I can’t let Mack down on this.
I don’t stay much longer, only enough to finish my lunch.
Mack and Joni barely notice my departure, too wrapped up in the easy affection that always surrounds them.
It’s a running joke with the crew: as soon as his girls walk in, Mack’s done for.
We almost had to ban them from the firehouse, since every time they visit we’re effectively without a captain.
I ruffle Birdie’s hair as I head out, smiling down at their small family and feeling the pang in my chest. I had that once, when my dad would see my mom and me and tune out everything else. He always gave us every part of himself, never holding back on his warmth or affection.
It was the thing I admired about him the most, and the thing I’ll never get back now that he’s gone.