Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
FREYA
“You’re serious?” I squeal at the phone. Luci beams through the screen.
“Yup! Booked my tickets this morning!”
“Oh my god!” I can’t believe it. She’s actually coming! I drop the laundry I’m holding and sit down on my bed with a thud. I called Luci to keep me company while I was cleaning my apartment, but she immediately derailed things with her surprise.
“I probably should have checked first, but I saw the flights were on sale and figured I should jump on it.”
“No, of course you don’t have to check. You’re welcome whenever!” I’m so happy I could burst. I’ve missed her so bad.
“Well, I gotta check on you after you were nearly BURNED ALIVE.” She presses her face against the camera, emphasizing the last words.
“Argh,” I groan. “We’ve been through this a hundred times. It was nothing! It wasn’t even in my apartment!”
“You were evacuated by hunky firefighters and you didn’t even tell me until three days later.” She huffs. She was not happy when I finally came clean, and she hasn’t let me forget it.
“The worst thing that happened was that I got a scratch on my foot from running into the parking lot without shoes.”
“Yeah, a secret scratch.” She scowls. “A scratch you didn’t even tell me—your best friend—about.”
“Christ, you’re nearly as bad as Oscar.” I sigh. I don’t need two overprotective weirdos in my life, I’ll end up spending my days bundled up in bubble wrap.
“You clearly need somebody keeping an eye on you!”
I wince. I know she’s joking, but it’s still not fun to hear.
“How is that man of yours anyway?” she continues.
A twist of unease starts behind my ribs. “I don’t know if he’s my man, exactly.”
“In what way?”
“We just haven’t really talked about it.”
“Really? From everything you’ve said, I thought it was getting serious?”
“Yes? Maybe? I don’t know.” I fall back onto the mattress, dragging my hand over my face.
“But you like him.”
“Yeah, he’s great...” I trail off.
“And he’s good to you?”
“Of course.” I roll onto my side, holding the phone close, like I’m about to whisper a secret. Which, I suppose I kind of am. “I met some of his friends the other day, and they were all acting like we’re together already.” It felt like it had already been settled, like I didn’t get a say.
“But, you kind of are together?”
“Yeah. But not like, officially.”
She frowns. “I think that’s just semantics.”
“It’s important!” I protest.
“What’s the difference? Isn’t it just a label?”
I curl in tighter on myself. She doesn’t get it. “I don’t know if I want to be someone’s girlfriend again. What if I get stuck like last time?”
I watch her through the screen as she stands up and closes her door. Marie must be waking up. “Look, I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to open yourself up to something again. But you need to believe that it’s not going to happen a second time.”
“How can I know? I missed every single red flag with Aaron.” It’s only now that I’m truly starting to understand the depths of his abuse.
It’s only now that I feel like I can call it that.
I always thought abuse meant someone hitting you, but that’s all it can be.
Aaron left scars I’m still finding, and how can I be ready to be with someone else when I hardly know who I am anymore?
“You noticed more than you think,” she says carefully. “You always used to tell me when you felt weird about the things that he said, and I know you hid the worst of it, but you weren’t oblivious.”
I fist my hand in my comforter, needing something to hold on to. “I did?”
“Yeah…” She takes a deep breath before she speaks again. “I was actually getting ready to talk to you about it when he ended things.”
“To say what?” I sit up, spine stiff.
“That I didn’t like him, among other things.” She stares down at her lap. “I just wish I’d done it sooner. Maybe I could have stopped things before they got really bad.”
“Luci, you couldn’t have stopped anything. I had to work it out for myself.”
“And you did!”
“I didn’t.” I feel tears well up in my eyes. “I didn’t even get to leave…”
That’s the scariest thing of all. What if I had just let him keep on hurting me? Deep down, I’m still the same lonely girl, desperate for someone to love her. Doesn’t that leave me just as vulnerable to fall into something bad again?
“I wish I was there now. I want to give you a hug.”
I sniff. “I want that, too.”
“But, babe, listen to me. If you’re pushing away this great guy who wants to treat you like a princess, then aren’t you letting Aaron win?”
“I’m too much of a mess to get into something serious, and I feel like Oscar wants serious.” He’s been very clear about his intentions and I want to be on the same page, but I don’t know how to get over the wall I’ve built around myself.
“Then you need to talk to him. But don’t just dismiss the idea outright because you’re scared. If I can be a big girl and do the thing I’m scared of, then so can you.”
It takes me a second to work out her meaning. “You told your mom?”
“Yup.”
“And?”
She blows a breath through tight lips. “And it was fine. Mostly she was just mad I didn’t tell her I applied.”
“I hate to say I told you so, but…” I smirk at the screen.
“Yeah, whatever.”
“Did you talk about where you were gonna live?”
“We’re still figuring it out,” she says carefully. “But I think I want to live in the city?”
“Yeah? That’s amazing.”
“I want to try, at least.”
I’m so happy for her. And for Marie. The fact that she’s feeling well enough to live by herself is huge. “You’re going to love it.”
She beams. “Yeah, I think I am.”