Chapter 11
Nessa
“Ma, where are you?” I called out for my mom, Daphne, as me and Nyla entered her apartment.
“Every time you come over you be doin’ all this hoopin’and hollerin’,” she shook her head as she came out of her room. “At least you brought my grandbaby over this time. Nyla Pooh.”
“Grannnyyyy,” Nyla exclaimed as she ran towards her.
“Grandma missed me. What’s been going on with you? Haven’t seen you in a lil’ minute.”
“Everything has been great! I’ve been spendin’ time with my dad now that he’s home.”
“Nas home?” She asked as she snapped her head in my direction.
“Uh, yeah, he’s been home for a lil’ minute,” I answered.
“Nyla, you wanna eat some muffins and watch Bluey?”
“Yes ma’am.”
While she got Nyla situated, I made my way into the kitchen.
My mom had an awful drinking problem growing up.
It wasn’t until about three years ago she decided to get her life together.
With the help of her AA meetings and me staying on her she’s been doing good.
I was happy that Nyla wouldn’t experience anything I had to.
As I searched her cabinets for any hidden liquor, I was happy when all of her old hiding spots were clear.
“I earned this sobriety chip,” she expressed as she held up her chip. “And I plan to keep earnin’ it, Nessa.”
“I’m just makin’ sure ma,” I assured her. “I haven’t been here to check on you lately and just wanted to make sure you didn’t slip up.”
“I understand and I really am sorry I scared you like that, but I am determined for history not to repeat itself. And now it makes sense why you haven’t come over. You’ve been spendin’ time with Nas?”
“I mean we’ve been coparentin’ Nyla.”
“And that’s it?”
“For the most part. Ma, you know I’m with Desmond.”
“I know that, but does Nas know that?”
“Yeah, they’ve met.”
“Did they fight? You know Nas didn’t play when it came to you.”
“No, they didn’t fight and Nas has to respect my boundaries. And I’ve been standin’ on that since he’s been home.”
“And how long he been home?”
“About six weeks.”
“And y’all been just coparentin’?”
“I mean…”
A knock at her door grabbed my attention. I looked over at her to see if she had any idea who that could be. When she shrugged her shoulders, I got up to check and see who it was.
“Nessa, open the door,” Yas demanded.
“Yo’ ass stay poppin’ up,” I chuckled as I held the door open for her to enter.
“You forgot I got yo’ location. Hey, Ms. D. What y’all up in here doin’?”
“Just talkin’.”
“Yeah, she’s lyin’ to me ‘bout standin’ on her boundaries with Nas being out,” my mom chimed in.
“She damn sure is lyin’,” Yas laughed as my mom joined.
“Y’all I am serious,” I huffed. “I am with Desmond and Nas has to respect that.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Yas giggled. “Nessa, I need you to stop being delusional.”
“Listen, I came over here to spend time with my mama, not be in the hot seat ‘bout my life decisions.”
“Oh, that’s exactly what we’re ‘bout to do so get comfortable in the hot seat,” my mom clarified.
We sat over there for a few hours catching up.
I made sure to keep out the fact that we’d just had sex the other day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
My body yearned for his touch again and that session along with the first one lived rent free in my head.
My heart and mind were conflicted as I dealt with the weight of cheating on my boyfriend with my baby daddy.
It felt like no time had passed between me and Nas when we were together, and that’s what scared me the most. Because so much time had passed and so much pain had accompanied that time.
It wasn’t until Desmond came along that I felt safe and secure again.
With Nas in the streets still, I was still hesitant to even consider a possible future with him.
He upgraded our lives due to him being in the streets but the lingering feeling of him being snatched away ran rampant in my mind.
Don’t get me wrong, the urge to go back to Nas grows every day, but I do my best to stick to my boundaries.
As a single mother I need a sense of security and that’s something I don’t feel with Nas.
Which I felt maybe for the best and a sign for me to get my relationship back on track with Desmond.
“Oh, bitch you’re stressed out for real,” Yas stated as she walked up on me while I sat in my car smoking a blunt.
“Girl, if only you knew,” I stressed before releasing the smoke.
“Tell me wassup. I could tell you were holdin’ somethin’ back.”
“I can’t ‘cause you gonna whoop me.”
“I ain’t gonna whoop you. Just tell me.”
“I fucked Nas again.”
“Oh, you just givin’ it out,” she gasped. “Y’all fucked again?”
“Yessss. That’s not the kicker.”
“What else happened?”
“This nigga brought me the house right next door to him.”
“I know you fuckin’ lyin’ bitch!”
“I cannot make this shit up. Yasmine, what am I supposed to do? Desmond can’t come to the house for safety reasons let Nas tell it, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place tryin’ to keep shit ‘bout Nyla only with Nas, and my relationship that was just so secure a few months back is hangin’ on by a fuckin’ thread.
So, yeah, I’m stressed and I’m trying my damnest to get some order back into my life. ”
“Nessa, there’s only one way you can do that.”
“How?”
“You gotta be real with yourself. Really sit with the decision of being with either of them then go from there. But while you’re doin’ that I need you to order a cute ass outfit because we’re goin’ out for my birthday next weekend. We both need a damn night out.”
“You still dealin’ with that aggravatin’ ass CO at yo’ job?”
“Yep. Nigga gettin’ more and more persistent tryin’ to get to know me, chyy. I told his ass when pigs fly will be the day he gets my damn number. Nigga, be makin’ work so damn uncomfortable.”
“I can call and get his ass fired if I need to. You know I got a white lady voice that’s untraceable.”
“Nawl, I ain’t tryna fuck up nobody money. I just need a night out to remember who the fuck I am outside that job. All I do is work so I be forgettin’ who the fuck I am. So, a night out on the town with my best friend is what I need. Can we do that?”
“Hell yeah. With all this damn man drama I’m dealin’ with I may want to be alone.”
“Girl, bye. I’m ‘bout to go get some sleep before my shift tonight.”
“Ok, sis. I love you. Call me on the way to work.”
“I love you too and I will.”
We hugged before she made her way down the parking lot.
I finished my blunt before spraying my body with perfume.
Making my way back into my mom’s apartment to get Nyla, I assured her I’d be back next week before leaving.
The relationship between me and my mom took a while to repair, but her stepping up for me while I was pregnant helped.
She came back talking about how much she cared and actually showed it through her actions.
That on top of the way she helped me with Nyla and been there for her made it easier to forgive her.
Making my way towards the house, I checked the time to make sure I wasn’t running late.
Desmond had planned an at home date night for us tonight at seven.
I still needed to shower and get myself together before going over and only had a lil over an hour to do so.
Nas had insisted on getting Nyla this weekend which worked out perfectly.
When I pulled into my driveway, I helped Nyla out of the car before walking her to her dad’s.
I chuckled to myself at the fact that this crazy ass man really brought me the house right next door to him.
“Hey, pretty girl,” Nas greeted Nyla before picking her up. “Daddy missed you.”
“You just seen me last night,” she giggled.
“I know but that was still too long. I got your favorite show on inside, how ‘bout you go watch it while I talk to your mama.”
“We ain’t got nothin’ to talk ‘bout, Nas,” I assured as I walked down his driveway.
“You know that’s a lie ‘cause why else you runnin’ away from me?” He questioned me as he lightly jogged down to me. He grabbed my arm and stopped me for moving before spinning me around. “Where you runnin’ off to?”
“Why you tryna stick ya nose in my business?” I countered.
“Because you are my business and I’m tryna see where you runnin’ off to ‘cause yo’ baby over here with me.”
“If you must know I’m goin’ on a date with my nigga.”
“You still claimin’ to be with that nigga?”
“Yep. I bet next time you gonna stop stickin’ ya nose in other folks’ business.”
“I will if you let me stick my nose between yo’ legs.”
“Not happenin’.”
“No more,” he smirked while still holding me. “I told you Daddy’s home, so wrap this shit up with that nigga before I stop being patient.”
“Nasir, you don’t run nothin’ but yo’ mouth. Remember yo’ child is inside of yo’ house now let me go and gone find you somethin’ safe to do.”
“There go that lil’ tough girl persona. Cute. Just know when you tell that nigga we fucked don’t say it was an accident because it wasn’t an accident when you stood over me before easin’ that fat ass down this big dick.”
The sex memories flooded my mind as my panties became moist. I couldn’t even say shit in response to what he’d say, so I just continued on my way home.
After I showered and dressed in a body-hugging two-piece set with some cute sandals, I switched my purse and was out the door.
Starting up the car, I applied lip gloss on my lips before closing the sun visor.
When I saw Nas standing on his porch I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his fine ass.
He had the nerve to blow me a kiss before I backed out.
When I made it to my old apartment, I became nervous all of a sudden.
Desmond and I hadn’t had one-on-one time in a little minute.
With him starting his new job, the hours have been hectic and interfered with us spending time together.
I was happy that he’d come up with a date night for us because I was feeling a little neglected lately.
Honestly it felt like he dropped the ball the exact time Nas came home, which wasn’t a smart thing to do.
I’d told Desmond a little about my past with Nas but not in grave details.
All he really knew was that Nyla’s dad was away for a few years, and that we’ve been over since before Nyla was born.
This man didn’t know that I felt like Nas was the Bobby Brown to my Whitney Houston, the soul to my mate, and the love of my life.
I mean I couldn’t drop a bomb like that on a nigga I was thinking about being with.
Moving on with my love life made me think that it would help me move on from Nas.The slack in our relationship mixed with Nas showing dependability had a bitch folding under the pressure.
“Damn, you look good,” Desmond complimented when he opened the door.
“Thank you,” I smiled as I stepped inside. There were candles spread throughout the house, and soft music played in the background. My old living room furniture had been rearranged so that the painting canvas could be set up in the middle of the floor. “This is beautiful.”
“I tried. Even cooked because I could tell I’d been slippin’ when it came to us.”
“A lot has been goin’ on so somethin’ was bound to fall to the wayside.”
“I ‘ppreciate you for understandin’ but I can’t be doin’ no shit like that. Especially ‘cause you got yo’ baby daddy buyin’ you houses and shit. Can’t tell if he doin’ it for Nyla or for you to try and get in yo’ panties.”
“Excuse me?! I ain’t that fuckin’ easy and you know that. It took you how long before you even got a kiss?”
“I wasn’t tryna piss you off, I meant it in as a compliment.”
“How the fuck?”
“‘Cause yo’ baby daddy tryin’ so hard to fuck that he buyin’ houses and shit.”
“He’s doin’ that because of his child not for me let’s make that very clear.
Just know if I wanted that nigga I could have him, but I’m tryna make it work with yo’ ass.
Even though a relationship has been the last thing on yo’ mind even before you even got yo’ new job.
So, you worried ‘bout the pressure another nigga applyin’ instead of steppin’ yo shit up way before this! ”
“How the fuck this just went left?”
“Because you be too busy worried ‘bout a nigga that’s not stunnin’ you!
Instead of waterin’ yo’ own fuckin’ grass you admirin’ another nigga’s lawn.
I came here to spend a nice evenin’ with my nigga not to talk ‘bout my baby daddy. I asked you would me havin’ a BD be an issue beforehand and you were adamant that it wouldn’t. Now look how you’re behavin’.”
“You know I lost my job and shit, so I had a lot goin’ on.”
“So, you go MIA on the one person tryin’ to fuckin’ be there for you?! Hell, you’re livin’ in my old apartment that’s still in my name so I’m still tryna be there for you. And instead of us focusin’ on us we gotta bring up another nigga.”
“I can handle it as long as that nigga back up from what’s mine.”
“You still ain’t listenin’! Ya what I can’t do this anymore.”
“What you mean?”
“It’s over, Desmond.”
“Really? You gonna break up with me because of yo’ baby daddy.”
“That just confirms you ain’t really listen to anything I said. Goodbye, Desmond.”