Chapter 15 #3
“Well played,” he finally said, his hand brushing mine. “What you said earlier—I never thought about it that way before.”
“I wish I could say I came up with it, but I heard it from some BluTube video a while ago.”
“Even the fission part?”
“I ad-libbed a little.”
It was risky, but I wanted to see how far I could go with him. Maybe I could hold his hand, since he was too big to lay in my lap like he had with Roscoe. I kind of expected him to swat me away, but he didn’t. Instead, his massive hand enveloped mine.
“My old man had a lot of mental problems. When he took his meds, he was fine, but if he missed a dose, he got really crazy. The last time he took his medicine, he forgot to take it again and was convinced it was mind-control. I was eight and my brother was five when my mom woke us up in the middle of the night and drove us to Gram’s house. ”
His breathing was shallow and quick, but I kept a tight hold on his hand.
“That night, Dad showed up ranting about how we weren’t really his family—that we were all replacements sending information back to some secret government agency to track him.
Mama called the cops, but he broke in and shot her in the head with Grandpa’s revolver.
” He tensed, his shaky grip on my hand tightening.
“Grams was screaming, but he shot her too. My brother and I ran into the bedroom, but he followed us. Another shot, and my brother let go of my hand and fell to the floor. All I remembered after that was two more shots, and a loud high-pitched ringing in my ears. I woke up in the hospital, in an empty room with a bunch of machines. I felt like the only one on the planet, all alone. Scared and confused.”
My mouth hung open as tears filled my eyes, turning the room into a glass bowl. I didn’t know how to react to something so unbelievably tragic.
Austin sniffed. “He shot me point blank in the back of the head, and I remembered not being able to move my arms and legs. I couldn’t speak—all I could do was lie there and listen to them talking about me and my family.
They thought I couldn’t understand them, but I did.
Have you ever been scared of living and scared of dying at the same time? ”
I wiped my eyes and shook my head.
“No one,” he said with a slight whimper.
“There was no one to tell me I was gonna be okay. They thought I was gonna be like that until I died, but little by little, I started moving again. The doctors couldn’t believe I could move my arms, but I still couldn’t walk or talk, and I wouldn’t be able to until I turned fifteen—and you know what comes after that.
Being a half-turn didn’t heal everything. ”
He let out the most gut-wrenching cry.
“I shoulda died that night with my family. I shoulda died with the rest of my pack on that test site in the marines.” He howled, tears soaking his face. “Why am I still here? It doesn’t make sense.”
“Austin,” I said, wiping my face as I climbed closer to him. “You’re where you need to be now. Right next to me.” I pressed against the side of his face with my other palm, not letting go of his hand as I maneuvered over him. “You’re safe.”
The werewolf sobbed again, and I leaned into him, touching his forehead with mine.
“You’re safe,” I whispered again, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You’re my family now.”
He nodded, his breathing returning to normal. When I pulled away, his hand caught my back, holding me against him.
“Stay with me,” he said softly, our mouths almost touching. His voice had a child-like meekness to it, even though it was much deeper than mine. “Will you stay with me?”
“I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”
We were so close that his scent mixed with mine.
Instinctively, my lips met his and he reciprocated the emotion.
It wasn’t quite sexual, but not innocent either.
It was worlds different from what I experienced with Roscoe, because I was the one in control, keeping him tame.
Was this the vironoct the mayor told me about?
His army fatigues brushed against my leg, but they were slightly damp from arousal. What radiated from my own groin was painful. Everything I’d been told about half-turns led me to believe we needed to be claimed in order to control our rage, but that wasn’t what I wanted.
Our lips broke apart, and I pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
From the look on his face, he was just as bewildered as I was.
“For what?”
“This doesn’t make you uncomfortable?”
“No,” he said, his tone a little deeper than before. “Do you need it?”
“What?”
“Roscoe’s not here. Do you want me to—”
“Oh!” I said, scrambling off him. “No, I’m—I’m good for now, thanks.”
His ears fell off to the side. “All right.”
“Do you still want me to stay with you?”
“Yeah,” he whispered, his downward inflection tinged with what I could only assume was disappointment.
I grabbed his hand again and the tenseness from earlier melted as we stared at one another, his eyes still glimmering like tiny orange pools.
“I never told anyone before,” he said. “I never could.”
“I won’t tell anyone. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, come lay down with me. Okay?”
“Cody.” He swallowed hard, opening his mouth to say something else, but instead cleared his throat. “Okay.”
“What is it?”
“Thanks for getting that stuff at the store, and for trying to make me lunch. No one’s ever done that.”
“What about Adam?”
Austin’s eyes narrowed, and his sad smile disappeared. “Adam’s just a kuu bond, nothing more. He’s made that perfectly clear. He doesn’t care about me.”
I shook my head. “He’s just young and kinda selfish. He needs someone holding his hand otherwise he doesn’t know what to do with himself.”
“I hate that,” he grunted. “Sometimes I just want to be—” He paused and let out a sigh before turning away. “God, I hate this.”
Seeing his increased frustration, I let it go. It was safer that way, even though a part of me wanted to keep prying. However, this was Adam’s place, not mine. It didn’t feel right to go any further with him, especially since he was so emotionally vulnerable.
“All right,” I whispered, wrapping my arm part of the way around him. He was so huge, trying to be the big spoon was awkward. But it seemed to have a positive effect as his tail gently thudded against my leg. “Let’s take a nap.”