15. Celeste #5
His voice stayed low, but there was weight in it now.
“No, hear me. Please hear me.” I went still.
“I’m not asking you to ignore your children.
I’d never respect myself asking that of you.
I love the way you love them. I love how fast you see them.
I love how you correct them and cover them in the same breath.
I love that Jamal’s name still has honor in that house. ”
His throat moved.
“I’m not trying to take from him. I’m not trying to replace him. I’m not trying to walk into your life and rearrange the parts of it that still belong to grief. I know better. I have more respect for you, for him, and for those children than that.”
The patio blurred through my tears.
“But I’m standing here as a man who showed up well tonight. I was patient with your son. I respected your home. I respected your boundaries. I cared about your daughter’s safety. I followed your lead. I left space for your grief without making you explain it.”
His voice cracked on the next sentence, just enough to hurt.
“And you’re still sending me home like I failed you.” My knees nearly folded. He looked away for a second, and that broke me worse than his words. His mouth pressed tight. His nostrils flared once. When he looked back, his eyes were wet, but his voice stayed submitted. “That hurts.”
No poetry.
No anger.
Just truth.
“You’re allowed to be scared. You’re allowed to need time. You’re allowed to say this is heavy. But don’t call it wisdom if the truth is you’re scared I might stay long enough for you to need me.”
A sob pressed against my throat.
“You’re not ending this because I harmed you.
You’re ending it because I didn’t. Because I saw a hard night and didn’t leave.
Because I saw Kayden’s anger and still worried about him.
Because I saw Maya’s fear and wanted to make sure she was safe.
Because I saw you overwhelmed and still thought you were worth staying for. ”
My hand dropped from my mouth.
He looked at me like the next words cost him.
“And maybe that scares you because, if I stay, you have to admit happiness didn’t betray Jamal. Life kept going because God kept you here.”
I broke then.
A tear slid down his face, and he wiped it away fast, almost like he was annoyed it escaped.
That ruined me more.
Josiah’s voice shook for the first time. “I prayed before I came here. I asked God to help me handle your home with care. I asked Him to help me see your children right. I asked Him to keep pride out of my mouth if Kayden tested me.”
He gave a small, painful laugh.
“Your boy tested me.”
A broken laugh slipped through my tears.
Josiah’s face softened for half a second.
Then the hurt came back.
“And God helped me. I know He did, because my flesh had a few things ready.” My lips trembled.
“But I swallowed it. I honored you. I honored this house. I honored what I’m trying to build with you.
” He stepped back. “So I’m going to ask you again, and you don’t have to answer me.
What did I do tonight that deserves this? ”
The question hit the patio and stayed there.
I had no answer.
None.
He nodded like that was the answer. “Okay.”
The word broke something in me.
He looked toward the back door, then back at me.
“I’ll leave because you asked me to. Love has to have respect, even when it’s hurt.”
My chest caved.
“But I’m not leaving because I agree with you. I’m not leaving because Kayden ran me off. I’m not leaving because your life is too much. And I’m not leaving because I believe God brought me this close just for fear to have the final word.”
A sob finally broke through.
Josiah’s eyes moved over my face like he wanted to remember it and forget it at the same time.
“I’ll still come check Maya’s outlets tomorrow, if you allow it. Her safety matters more than my feelings.”
Even now.
Even after I’d cut him.
He still covered my child.
I nodded because my voice had deserted me.
“Tell the girls I said good night.”
Another nod.
“And JJ.”
I nodded again.
He stood there for one more breath.
Close enough for me to stop him.
Far enough for me to choose.
I didn’t move.
The disappointment in his eyes was gentle.
That made it unbearable.
“Good night, Celeste.”
Not Red.
Celeste.
I watched him leave through the side gate because I didn’t trust myself to walk him through the house. The latch clicked behind him. A few seconds later, his truck door opened, then closed. His engine started.
I stood on my patio with my arms around my waist while the sound of him leaving rolled through the evening like a consequence.
When his taillights disappeared, my body admitted what my mouth did.
I sent him away.
And it hurt exactly like I knew it would.
I went back inside with cold water on my face and my heart lying somewhere on the patio.
The girls were in the living room, half watching television and half fighting sleep.
Maya looked up from her sketchbook and studied me too closely.
JJ stood near the bottom of the stairs with his keys in his hand.
Kayden stood three steps above him, one hand on the railing.
I’d walked into the middle of something.
JJ’s shoulders were squared, but his face was fighting him. His nostrils flared once. His eyes shone too bright beneath the entry light. One hand gripped his keys so hard the metal pressed red marks into his palm.
Kayden looked past him. “Move.”
JJ didn’t move.
His voice came low. “Say it again.”
Kayden’s lip curled. “Move, JJ.”
“No.”
“Man, I’m not doing this with you.”
JJ’s jaw pulsed. He looked toward the living room, saw Skye watching with her knees tucked beneath her, saw Zuri pressed against Maya’s side, saw me standing near the kitchen with a wet face I hadn’t managed to hide.
Whatever control he’d been holding started cracking through his expression, showing in the tremble near his mouth and the hard blink he used against tears.
“You should’ve thought about that before you acted like that at dinner.”
Kayden’s face hardened, but the tears gathering along his lashes betrayed him. “I didn’t do nothing.”
JJ laughed once, no humor in it. “You embarrassed Mama in her own house and disrespected a man who didn’t do anything to you.” Kayden’s mouth opened. JJ lifted one hand. “Don’t.”
The word came out with bass in it.
Kayden closed his mouth.
JJ took one step toward the stairs, then stopped himself. His chest rose. Fell. Rose again. He looked at the ceiling like he was asking God for one more ounce of sense. When his eyes came back down, they were wet and furious.
“I’ve been trying to stay out of it. I’ve been trying to give you room to hurt without making you feel smaller for hurting. But I’m in it now.”
Kayden swallowed.
The first tear slipped down his cheek.