Chapter 22 It’s Not That Simple
Natalie
I sat on the couch with my Kindle which I named Kinatalie, while Dexter worked on his game.
It had been almost a month since the Spring Festival and allowing myself to finally give in to my feelings for Dexter.
To say we've been inseparable is an understatement.
While we kept our rendezvous quiet at work and hidden from our friends and families, Dexter was almost always at my condo.
Day after day, he filled my place with his presence, his laughter, and the soft clicking of his keyboard late into the night became my favorite song.
What we had was still new, but it felt as if I had known him my whole life.
Sometimes the thought scared me, and I tried not to dwell on it, but it was hard.
Everything felt way too simple yet natural with him.
I realized how easily we had fallen into a routine.
Him staying over, me waking up with his arm draped across my waist; us eating breakfast together and pretending to arrive at work at the same time despite the fact that we drove together.
I didn’t understand how I ended up having this unexplainable connection with someone I barely knew.
Yes, he was close to Ricky, but I doubted my brother had been feeding him some guidebook on my mannerisms, my moods, the way I loved and hurt. Yet, Dexter seemed to know me anyway.
I liked the way it felt: being wanted, being chosen, and being seen.
I liked him, but deep down I knew this would be a problem in the long run.
Wanting him meant risking myself and being vulnerable again.
I wasn’t sure I was ready to do that again.
Dexter and I weren’t official, but what if we took that step?
Every time I thought about it, the reminder that we worked together came to my mind, followed by the betrayal of my previous coworkers.
Women came in and out of the shop all the time, and Dexter didn’t seem like the type to stray, but I had thought the same thing before.
What if I let my guard down and history repeated itself?
The thought sat heavy in my chest. I wanted Dexter and the connection that we had to be real but wanting him also meant trusting him.
I trusted before, and it had never stopped heartbreak from finding me.
I shook my head. The day had barely started and the last thing I wanted to do was to start stressing about the what if’s.
“What are you doing?” I asked, scooting next to Dexter.
“I just put in the last bit of coding and about to test out the game.”
“Can I play?”
Dexter’s eyes looked up at me from over the rim of his gold glasses. “Really?”
“Hell yes!”
His wide grin warmed my heart as he set up his laptop. “Okay, use the arrows to move and the space bar to jump. When you get to the first fight scene, press ‘F’ to kick and ‘J’ to punch.”
“What about the special moves? Like, since he’s the flame-bearer doesn’t he have fire powers?”
Dexter chuckled. “Yes and no. This is only level one. Your character will have to complete more levels to gain strength and eventually powers.”
I nodded. “Got it!”
Dexter leaned over and grabbed my chin before planting soft kisses on my lips.
“What was that for?” I smiled, leaning my forehead against his.
“Thank you for being so supportive.”
“I’m more than happy to. I am so proud of all your hard work and consistent discipline to get this done.”
Dexter groaned before grabbing the back of my neck and smashing his lips against mine. “Girl, you going to have me eating you out while you play this game.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “Promise?”
Dexter laughed as he kissed my forehead and got on his knees. “Hit start when you’re ready.”
I smiled as I leaned back on the couch with Dexter’s laptop as he pulled down my shorts. I giggled when I felt his teeth graze my inner thighs.
“You’re supposed to be playing the game,” Dexter said, pausing his movements.
“I am. I am.”
My phone chimed, causing me to briefly look away from the laptop.
Checking my notifications, I realized I had another deposit sent from Lawrence.
Another month of lying for his bitch ass had me grumbling with annoyance.
Lawrence sent me a quick text message with a wink emoji, followed by a picture with his shirt off. What in the actual fuck?
“You okay?” Dexter asked as I abruptly sat up.
“Uh yeah. Give me one moment,” I said, kissing the top of his head and standing up from the couch. Heading towards the kitchen, I grabbed a bottle of water as I angrily texted Lawrence.
Me:
Don't ever in your life text me no shit like that again!
Ex-Dumbass:
Cmon Nat, baby. I know you miss me too.
Me:
Fuck off my phone with that dumb shit. You terminated our relationship the moment you stuck your dick in another bitch.
Ex-Dumbass:
I miss your body. There are some things Sandra can't do like you.
Me:
Blocked, bitch!
Before I could throw my phone down, it rang, and I realized it was Latrice. I dropped my head back with an annoyed groan. What the hell? Was today the day that the Freemans annoyed the hell out of me?
“Hello, Mrs. Freeman,” I answered, keeping a fake smile on my face so that I sounded happy to hear from her. Lord knows I wasn’t.
“Yeah. Natalie, what are you doing for Lawrence‘s birthday?”
My heart raced as I swiped through my apps until I found the calendar on my phone.
I had totally forgotten that his birthday was this weekend.
Over the past few years, I had planned a huge celebration for Lawrence’s birth.
At the beginning of the month, for his birthday, I went out of my way to throw an extravagant party.
It was one overwhelming and stressful experience, but I suffered through it because I thought I was in love.
Since we were no longer together, his birthday didn’t cross my mind.
“Oh, Mrs. Freeman, I'm uh making dinner reservations for one of his favorite restaurants downtown.”
“That’s it? A basic dinner? This is going to be Lawerence’s 35th birthday, and the only thing we’re doing is having a dinner party?”
I rolled my eyes and stared up at the ceiling as I stood in the middle of the kitchen.
I personally didn’t give a damn what Lawrence was doing for his birthday.
Hell, he can take his ass to Chuck E. Cheese for all I cared because it wasn’t my problem.
Taking a small breath, I got back into character because I needed to keep up this charade.
Plastering on another smile, I told Mrs. Freeman that this is what he would want because of how busy we’ve been.
Latrice huffed out an annoyed breath before she sighed.
“I guess you are right. I mean, my baby boy has been doing a lot of work and probably by himself. I know y’all have coworkers, but every time I go into that store, I hardly see any of them.
Hell, I never see you there. The only reliable person in that shop is sweet Sandra. She’s so helpful and adorable.”
My eye twitched as I bit back what I wanted to say. I cleared my throat. “Well, there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes, so sometimes I’m not able to–”
“Anyway, make the reservations and send me all the details once you’re done.” Mrs. Freeman interrupted before she hung up the line.
Going back into the living room, I placed my phone down on the side table as I sat back on the couch.
That woman irritated my soul. I didn’t understand how someone could be so mean and nasty to another individual.
Now I could understand if I ever did her wrong, but I promise I never have.
Every encounter that I've had with that woman, I have been my same self. No matter who I met or was around, I didn’t switch up to impress them.
Maybe that’s why she didn’t like me. I refused to kiss her ass and didn't mind challenging her whenever she said or did questionable things.
“So…you have a boyfriend?”
I snapped my head over to Dexter. Disappointment and hurt appeared on his face while he waited for my response.
“No! No, baby, I don’t.”
“You know, the night that I came to the shop when you helped me with my story, I saw you get out of another man’s car. I guess I should’ve known then.”
I sighed. From the outside looking in, it most definitely looked like I had a man, but there was no way that I wanted Lawrence back into my life.
Grabbing his hands, I placed them on my chest. “Dexter, I’m telling you the truth.
I do not have a boyfriend. I only want to see how things work between you and me. That’s it.”
“So tell me, what’s going on?”
I inhaled a deep breath before I explained what had been happening between Lawrence and me.
I told him everything from my previous engagement, L&N, Sandra, and finally the secret agreement Lawrence was paying me to keep.
I watched as Dexter's face went through a range of emotions, from hurt to disgust to confusion.
I really didn't want to hurt him, but if we were to pursue this relationship to anything official, he needed to know the truth.
“Let me get this straight,” Dexter said, taking off his glasses. “You’re going to keep helping your ex-fiancé despite the fact that he’s the dumb ass that cheated on you?”
“Well, when you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous, but it's not that simple.”
“How isn’t it?”
I ran my hand down the side of my face. “I… I don't know.”
“Do you still care about him?”
“Honestly, not anymore. I can admit that I went along with the idea originally because I not only wanted to piss off his mistress, but deep down I had hoped we'd get back together.
I thought that our constant communication with one another would have him snapping out of it and trying to win me back.
After a while, I quickly learned that he wasn't coming back.
However, that realization did not come to either of our families because we were still going along with the lie.
The only reason I haven't told the truth is because I’m embarrassed.
Our families have been doing everything they can to help prepare for our 'wedding,' and I have been feeling extremely guilty. I’m not doing this to help him, per se. But instead, to save face, I am tired of all the lies, though.”
Dexter rubbed the small of my back. “Natalie, baby, trust me, I know exactly how you’re feeling.
You know my situation about having to come clean with the truth, and there is no judgment on my end.
My primary concern, however, is that if you and I want to pursue something as a couple, I need things to end with him. ”
I hesitantly nod my head. “I will… after the birthday dinner. All I need to do is make reservations for the restaurant downtown and maybe pick up a cake–”
“Are you serious right now?” Dexter asked, removing his hand from my back.
“This is the last thing. In a few weeks, at our next family meal, I’m going to tell everyone what’s really going on.”
Dexter stood up as he shook his head. “And what if that doesn’t work for me?”
I gave him a confused look as I crossed my arms over my chest. “No offense, Dexter, but it doesn’t matter if that doesn’t work for you.
Look, I like you, and I want us to work, but this is something Lawrence and I have been doing for a year now.
You can give me grace and time to end this.
As I said, all I need to do is set up his birthday dinner, and then that’s it. ”
Dexter shook his head with a humorless chuckle as he grabbed his laptop and went towards my room.
I sat on the couch in confusion because I didn’t understand why he was so upset.
Yeah, we liked each other, and we wanted things to work out, but at the end of the day, we were both living in lies.
I said I was going to come out and tell the truth, but on my own time.
He can't rush me. Before I knew it, Dexter had come out of my room with his bag and keys in his hand.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I need some time to think. I’m going to head to my house.”
“Are you seriously upset about something that has nothing to do with you?”
“The moment I slid inside you, and you told me you were mine, I got involved. Natalie, I want you, but I’m not about to share you.
I don’t care if what y’all are doing is purely a lie.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, how would you feel if I was lying up under you while I texted my ex-mother-in-law about throwing a birthday party for my ex-fiancé? ”
I opened my mouth but then shut it.
“Exactly! So, until you get that situated, I’m going to stay on my side of town.”
“Really?” I asked, throwing my hands in the air.
“As I said, I’m not going to share you.” With that, he left my house.