Chapter 57
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Knox
I couldn’t take my eyes off Briar as she placed her palms against the tree before resting her forehead against it too. I didn’t know what was happening, but something clearly was as the shadows faded from around her eyes and a healthy glow returned to her skin.
On the air, the ozone odor of an impending storm intensified, but the sky outside didn’t darken, and no thunder rumbled in the distance. Her strawberry and eucalyptus scent increased as she clearly gained strength from the tree.
I tore my eyes away from her to examine the tree. Was she draining the life from it?
But no, if anything, the newly forming leaves were turning greener. It was like they were giving life to each other.
Is that possible? Am I imagining it?
My eyes narrowed on the leaves. A shifter’s vision was much sharper than that of other eternals, and the leaves had grown a little.
With a sigh, she lifted her head from the tree, gave it a gentle pat, and stepped away. Her fingers lingered on the rough bark before she lowered her hand and turned to me.
When she did, my breath sucked in as her sea green eyes met mine. They’re glowing. They’re fucking glowing!
“What is going on?” I asked.
She blinked at me. When she did, the glow faded from her eyes.
“I’m not sure. I’ve never experienced anything like it.” She bit her bottom lip as her eyes traveled over the tree. “It’s so beautiful.”
While her attention was on the tree, mine was on her. The tree wasn’t nearly as beautiful as her as she stood there with her skin shining and eyes so bright that I was sure I could see them in the dark.
“Or maybe your experience isn’t because you’re not bound to a god.
Maybe it’s because you managed to control yourself during your Needing,” I said.
“I was in that harem for seven years, and not once did any of them try to restrain themselves. None of us believed a caster could resist fucking everything in their way during their Needing.”
Her mouth pursed as she stared at me in confusion. “The day casters resist it. Maybe not completely, but they do resist.”
Was she screwing with me? But she looked truly confused.
“No, they don’t,” I said.
“They masturbate, but they don’t rape anyone.”
Now it was my turn to look at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Who told you that?”
“My mother. It’s what we’re all told when we start to learn about what happens in the harem: the day casters resist their Needing, but they masturbate. The night casters embrace their sexuality.”
I stared at her for a minute before releasing a bitter laugh. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Her frown deepened. “No, I’m not fucking kidding you.”
Briar
The disbelieving look on Knox’s face and his harsh laughter confused me. I didn’t understand what he found so amusing about this.
“That’s not at all what happens,” Knox said.
“What do you mean?”
“The day casters don’t just masturbate while in the harem. They enter those cells too and rape anyone they want.”
I recoiled a little as I started to shake my head. “No, that… that can’t be true.”
“And why not? Do you think your mother would never lie to you?”
I started to say, Of course she would, but not about this. “It’s what we’re all taught. The day casters masturbate and go to Luminaire afterward. The night casters give in to their darkest impulses and embrace them before returning to Nightshade.”
“Are you sure you’re all taught this?”
I closed my eyes as I shook my head. “I don’t know; no one else talked to me, but I was told it by the priests and priestesses too. They couldn’t have all lied to me.”
“Do you really believe that?”
For some reason, that possibility bothered me more than everything else done to me over the years.
“Why would she lie about it?” I asked. “Why would they all lie about it?”
“If they told you the day casters also gave in to their Needing, would you have chosen to walk out and go to Luminaire or Nightshade?”
“Neither.”
“But you would have believed that you weren’t welcome in Luminaire if you gave into your urges.”
I chewed my bottom lip as I pondered his words. I didn’t know why this revelation bothered me so much after everything my mother did to me over the years, but it did.
“She didn’t trust you not to go to the day caster side,” he continues.
“Maybe they don’t trust anyone not to switch sides, so they tell everyone who enters the harem that lie.
But I spent seven years in that hell, and believe me, the day casters don’t hold back once they get in there.
They don’t come back after, like the night casters do, but they go just as crazy.
You are the only one who resisted the Needing, Briar. Just you.”
I stared at the doors over his head as my head spun, and sorrow for him, me, and the life we’d lost built within me. “Everything’s a lie. Everything.”