Chapter 2 #2
He had changed out of his suit hours ago, but the wrinkled gray t-shirt and sweatpants did nothing to make him look comfortable.
He looked physically diminished. The polished, unassailable posture of a senior corporate executive had melted away, leaving a man who looked every bit his forty-four years.
His eyes were heavily bloodshot, surrounded by dark, hollow shadows of exhaustion.
He didn't stride into the room. He hovered near the threshold, his hands shoving into his pockets, then pulling out, then resting awkwardly on the back of a kitchen chair. He looked terrified to cross the invisible line she had drawn between them.
"Sarah," he whispered. His voice was raw, stripped of its usual smooth cadence.
Sarah didn't turn her head. She kept her eyes on the window. "If you're going to complain about the school portal again, Justin, save your breath. I told you where the help documentation is."
"I'm not complaining," he said quickly, his voice cracking. He took a single, tentative step forward. "I haven't looked at the portal in three hours. I've just been... sitting in the study."
"Good. Then go to bed. You have a flight to Chicago on Tuesday, don't you?"
"I canceled it."
That made her turn. Sarah shifted her gaze to him, her brows pulling together in genuine surprise. "You what?"
"I canceled the Chicago trip," Justin repeated.
He took another step, his hands trembling slightly as he reached out and gripped the edge of the island, a few feet away from her.
"I called Marvin an hour ago. I told him legal could handle the contract signing.
I told him I was dealing with a severe family emergency and I wouldn't be leaving the state. "
Sarah let out a short, cynical laugh, though it felt hollow in her chest. "A family emergency. What did you tell him? That your wife stopped doing your laundry?"
Justin flinched as if she had struck him. He swallowed hard, his jaw working as he fought to keep his composure. When he spoke again, his voice dropped to a ragged, desperate register.
"I told him my marriage was dying because I had been a coward for a decade," Justin said.
Sarah went entirely still.
"I'm not trying to be dramatic," Justin hurried on, his words tumbling over one another, the polished veneer completely shattered. "I'm not trying to say the right things to get you to smile at me or tell me it’s fine. It’s not fine. Sarah, I am completely terrified."
He dropped to his knees.
It wasn't a graceful, romantic gesture. It was a clumsy, heavy drop right onto the hardwood floor beside her stool.
He reached out, his fingers stopping just short of touching her knee, terrified of making contact without permission.
His face crumpled, tears finally breaking free and tracking down his cheeks.
"Please," Justin choked out, his chest heaving with a sob he couldn't repress.
"Please, Sarah. Don't look at me like I'm already gone.
I know I've been a ghost in this house. I know I let you carry the weight of every single thing until you broke.
I see it now. I see the look on Ethan's face when I fail him.
I see Lily looking at me like I'm a stranger who happens to live in her kitchen. I did that. I built that distance."
Sarah looked down at him. Seeing him on the floor should have given her a sense of victory, a vindication for the years of lonely dinners and silent anger. Instead, she just felt an immense, crushing sadness.
"Get up, Justin," she said quietly. "Groveling on the kitchen floor doesn't fix the registration deadlines."
"I don't care about the floor," he wept, his shoulders shaking as he looked up at her, entirely stripped of pride.
"I don't care how pathetic I look. I will stay right here if it means you'll listen to me.
I don't know how to fix this on my own. I tried this week.
I tried so hard, and every time I thought I was managing, I found ten more things I had neglected for years.
I am entirely out of my depth. I am drowning, Sarah. "
He pressed his forehead against the side of the wooden island cabinets, his hands clutching at his own hair.
"I found a therapist," he whispered into the wood.
"An industrial psychologist friend recommended her.
Her name is Dr. Ortiz. She does couples counseling.
I already called her office. I left a message on her emergency machine.
I told her we needed an appointment immediately.
I'll pay whatever it takes. I'll block out every single Tuesday evening for the next year.
I will cancel client dinners. I will walk out on Marvin Stanton.
I swear to god, Sarah, I will do whatever she tells us to do. "
He lifted his head, his eyes pleading, desperate, begging for a lifeline.
"Please come with me," Justin begged, his voice cracking into a whisper.
"Don't make me go into that room alone to talk about how I ruined our life.
Come with me. Be angry at me in front of her.
Tell her every single thing I missed. Demand whatever you want from me.
Just... please don't give up on us yet. Give me a track to walk on.
Let me show you that I can learn how to be your husband again. "
Sarah stared at him for a long, agonizing minute. The kitchen hummed with the quiet cycle of the refrigerator. She looked at his tear-streaked face, the raw terror in his eyes, and the utter absence of the smooth, negotiating executive she had grown to resent.
For the first time in weeks, she didn't see an excuse. She saw a man who had finally hit the ground.
"Tuesday," she said, her voice dropping to a flat, quiet whisper.
Justin stilled, his breath catching in his throat. "What?"
"If she calls you back," Sarah said, turning her head back toward the dark window, "tell her we'll take Tuesday. And get off the floor, Justin. The kids will be awake in six hours, and I am not explaining this to them."
Justin let out a ragged, trembling breath—a sound of pure, unadulterated relief. He slowly pushed himself up to his feet, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve, still shaking.
"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you, Sarah."
"Don't thank me," she said coldly, picking up her cold tea and walking toward the stairs. "I'm going to counseling for myself, not for you. I want to see if there's anything left of me worth saving."
She didn't look back to see him standing alone in the kitchen, but for the first time in years, she knew he wouldn't be leaving the room until the lights were turned off.