9
Jake had been excited to see me, but we had sent him upstairs when we curled up by the fireplace to talk, a mug of hot chocolate in my hands. This conversation wasn’t for his ears.
Waffles, the fat orange tabby, had wasted no time curling up on my lap by the fire, and I vowed I would come back for him once Istmere was safe.
We sat in silence for several long moments, the only sound the crackle of the fire in the grate. I wasn’t sure where to even begin, there were so many questions lingering in the back of my mind. I wanted to hear her side of the story, but I was also scared to hear it.
This conversation would change everything between us.
She had always written off my more fantastical side, calling me a daydreamer and never taking me too seriously. I had always been drawn to the paranormal…and now I knew why. I couldn’t help but feel hurt that she had known this entire time, but instead of being honest with me had made me think I was crazy.
“I don’t want you to hate me,” my mother admitted, tilting her head back to fight the tears that threatened to fall.
“I could never hate you,” I told her honestly. “But I need to know how we got here.”
She hadn’t called the police or filed a missing person’s report, she had known exactly where Tess and I had gone when we disappeared those months ago.
And so had Tess’ parents.
It felt as if I were being betrayed all over again, to admit that she knew about magic and Istmere and had kept it from me. I had suspected that this was the case, but the confirmation stung deeply.
She let out a humorless laugh as she took a sip from her mug, anxiously picking at the skin on her fingernail.
We were the same in that way.
I fidgeted with the blanket in my lap, wondering if I should ask my questions first, but then she began to speak.
“It was a long time ago that I met Annelise in New York. She had come to this realm, and we were fast friends,” she spoke softly, meeting my gaze with an expression I couldn’t read.
“You were friends with my birth mother?” I asked, surprised.
Somehow, in my mind, I had thought I had simply appeared on their doorstep, not that she had known my mother at all. That they had been friends.
“Yes. I hadn’t believed her…at first. About the magic. But she showed me and…I couldn’t deny what was before my own eyes. She went to college here in the mortal realm, before she had either you or your sister.”
She knew about Donika, too. She’s had these answers all along. I bit the inside of my cheek to ease the emotional sting that threatened to consume me as she continued.
“She returned to the other realm after college, and we didn’t speak for a long time. After I married your father, we had settled down and bought a house. One morning we heard a knock on the door, and despite not telling her where I had moved, she had found me. She was wild with fright…and you were bundled in her arms,” she said, wiping away a tear that fell with the back of her hand.
Tears strung the back of my own eyes, but I tried my hardest to bite them back.
I needed to hear this.
“She told me you weren’t safe in the other realm. There was a war, between the Nightshades and the Stormshades, and she was caught in the middle. Because of your magic…because of who you are…she had to hide you. A seer had foretold your future, and you were the key. They key to saving Istmere. She needed to keep you safe at all costs. She told me she couldn’t think of anyone else she would rather raise her daughter. I miss her terribly.” More tears fell in earnest now and my mother stifled a sob as she buried her face in her hands.
“So…she left me with you.” It came out more as a statement than a question. I had known as much, Donika had told me this part of the story.
“Yes, she left you with me. To raise you. She was supposed to come back for you.”
“But she never did. Because she died,” I bit out. “Did dad know?”
My mother paused before answering. “Yes, your father knew. Annelise didn’t want that life for you. She didn’t want you to be raised in Istmere, with such violence and strife. She thought she could change your fate by bringing you here, raising you as a mortal. She wanted you to be safe.”
“Lot of good that did,” I scoffed, my eyes on the crackling fire.
“I could see that your magic was awakening, despite all we did to conceal it. Anna spelled you before she left, to bury your magic. Hide it. She warned me that it would wear off, that one day it would need to be spelled again, to reinforce it. But she was gone.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my voice strangled.
If I had known about Donika, if I had known about my magic, everything might have been different.
“She didn’t want me to. She wanted you to have a normal life, a mortal life,” she replied.
“Do you have any idea what I went through? Discovering my magic on my own, thinking I was going completely insane?”
“Diana, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. When your dad passed away, I didn’t know how to handle your magic unearthing itself. I was raising you and Jake on my own. Annelise told me to come here, to Silver Oaks, if the spell ever began to wear off. She told me there were other witches here who could help.”
“She got that part right, at least. This place is crawling with them,” I admitted with a sigh. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “We were going to move to Silver Oaks even if dad never passed away?”
“Yes. I wish things were different. I wish she had come back for you. I wish she had lived. I wish the spell hadn’t worn off, and I wish I knew how to help you when it did.”
My mom shook her head, her gaze focused on her hands buried in her lap. “I made a lot of mistakes, and I am not proud of the decisions I made. I am merely a mortal. I know it isn’t an excuse…but I didn’t know how to help you through your awakening.”
“Did you know about Tess? About her parents?” I asked.
“Yes, I knew. They were Annelise’s friends, but they had a Shade child of their own to raise. She thought you would be safer with me, across the country. Tess’ parents were adamant about keeping this from the both of you as well, I couldn’t turn to them to ask for their help with magic.”
“But you did bring me to Silver Oaks…” I trailed off.
If the spell had stuck, I never would have met Tess. If my birth mother had it her way, I never would have known I was a witch. I never would have known about my magic. I know she was trying to protect me, to keep me out of this war, but by doing so she was also hiding my true identity from me.
“Yes, I brought you here. Your magic began awakening right before your dad passed. I could see the change in you right away.” She met my gaze from across the room.
“But you let me think I was crazy. You told me I was imagining it, that I was only a daydreamer, and I was getting carried away.” My voice came out harsher than I intended.
“I never wanted you to think you were crazy. Diana, I didn’t know what to do in her absence. I knew how to raise a teenager, but I had no clue how to raise a witch. I also needed to keep your magic shielded from your brother. I didn’t want him tangled up in this, asking questions I couldn’t answer.”
Jake. Because he was mortal, too. He was their birth child.
My mother stood, the blanket on her lap falling to her feet as she crossed the room to me. She sat next to me on the couch, her leg resting against my own as she spoke. “Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
How would our relationship have been different if she had been honest with me? Had told me the moment she saw my magic manifesting? Instead of pretending it wasn’t happening and leaving me to figure it out all on my own.
I swallowed hard, meeting her gaze.
“Of course, I forgive you,” I replied, grasping her hand in mine and squeezing it.
A tear escaped, and I quickly moved to wipe it away. I had shed too many tears this last week.
“I know that I can’t tell you what to do, but I want you to be careful. There is a reason Annelise didn’t want you anywhere near this war, that she didn’t want this life for you,” she said.
“So, you knew where I was all this time?” I asked, turning towards her and propping my foot up on the ottoman.
“Tess’ parents went searching for you. They went to Istmere. They heard rumblings of a Stormshade being caught in Prins. You have no idea what it has been like these past few months, not knowing if you were ok, and not being able to go after you. A mortal cannot enter Istmere.”
I hadn’t known that, not that I would have wanted her to come searching for me, anyway. I wanted her here, safe.
“Did anyone come searching for something while I was gone? Did anyone ask questions?” I asked.
“There was one man, he said he was a teacher at your school. He was asking for a book that you had borrowed that you might have left here? But I couldn’t find anything like that. I came home one night to the house completely ransacked, but nobody was here. It has been quiet ever since,” she told me.
Fletcher. It had to be Fletcher, searching for the book of shadows. But how had my mom not seen it? I hadn’t hidden it well…if they had ransacked the house wouldn’t it already be in their possession? As soon as this conversation was finished, I would go up and search for it. I needed to bring it back to Istmere with me, assuming it was still here. There had to be a spell in there I could use, and I needed to know why Donika wanted it so badly.
Was it possible the grimoire had…glamoured itself? Nik had said it was almost sentient in a way. I wondered if it had known people were searching for it…and it had stayed hidden on purpose.
“To recap…my mother dropped me on your doorstep to raise a witchling and told you to bring me to Silver Oaks if my magic ever awakened. Tess’ parents are both witches and all of you hid it from us this entire time. And you were friends with my mother before her death. Anything I’m missing?” I laughed, breathless.
“I think that sums it up,” she replied, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. “This doesn’t change anything…you are and always will be my daughter.”
“I know that,” I replied, giving her hand another reassuring squeeze. “But I also know that my place isn’t here, in this realm. I am the daughter of Osiris, and the rightful heir to the throne of Istmere. Donika has waged a war against her own people long enough.”
My mother swallowed hard, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose before meeting my gaze again. “I want you to be safe. I know I can’t tell you what to do anymore, that this secret has changed things between us, but I wish things could stay the same.”
“A part of me does, too. But I can’t let my sister kill innocents and simply turn a blind eye. I’m not alone. Tess is with me, and there is a resistance gathering in Istmere. We are not the only Shades sick of the way Donika has ruled Istmere. She has to be stopped.”
“But do you have to be the one to do it?” she asked, her voice small.
I knew what she was asking, but I also knew there was no way I could come back. I didn’t belong in the mortal realm…going to college and pretending none of this ever happened. There was no going back. We would have to figure out a way to explain my absence to Jake, but I would leave that to her.
“I might not be strong enough to stop her on my own…but I’m not alone. I don’t see her as anything other than the woman who killed our birth mother, and there is no forgiveness for her in my eyes. Her soul is as black as the magic she has been corrupted by, and she has to be stopped.”
“And how do you plan to do that?” she asked.
“I haven’t quite figured that part out yet.” I laughed humorlessly.
Donika was right…she has been practicing magic since before I was even born, not to mention I hadn’t even touched my magic since I escaped the Stormvault. We had a hell of a fight ahead of us, and I needed to prepare. I needed to train, to grow stronger, and I needed that grimoire.
We had dinner with Jake, and a knot formed in the pit of my stomach knowing this was probably the last time we would be together like this…just the three of us. I would spend the night in my old room, then return to Istmere tomorrow with the grimoire. I was anxious to hear about how Tess’ confrontation went with her parents, knowing that they aren’t mortal like mine. It almost felt worse…knowing that they actively had magic this entire time and still kept it from her.
That they were Shades themselves.
I know they thought it was for our own safety, but all it ended up doing was letting us go into this whole situation blind. We might not have ended up right in Donika’s clutches if we had known the whole story. If we had been prepared.
I took my time helping my mom with the dishes, promising to visit and write often so she knew I was ok. I cursed that cell phones didn’t work in Istmere, it would be much easier to text her on occasion. So much of our modern technology interfered with casting spells, and it was a serious pain in the ass.
When I trudged up the stairs to my room for the last time, I felt the exhaustion of the day wearing on me. I couldn’t wait to collapse into the safety of my own bed…but first I had to make sure the grimoire hadn’t been taken by Donika’s guards.
My chest felt heavy as I slowly opened the dresser drawer, expecting the worst. But there, among my underwear, sat the book of shadows.
How had Fletcher and his men not found it? And the other guards Donika had sent to ransack the house? It was practically lying in plain sight. Had the magic in the grimoire truly shielded it from the intruders, hiding it? I was relieved that it was safe and sound, and confused that even my own mother hadn’t seen it here when she had gone searching.
I reached out to grab it, and as my fingers connected with the worn leather of the grimoire, an electric shock travelled up my arm. My eyes were open, but I was no longer seeing the bedroom and the dresser before me.
This had happened once before…when I had first found the grimoire in the laboratory. When I had seen The War of Siraleth, and Annelise fleeing The Stone Palace with me tightly wrapped in her arms.
The grimoire was sending me a vision.