Chapter Twenty-Two
Rose found herself dragging her feet to her appointment with Carissa to discuss the rehearsal dinner. Time kept flying by, and she couldn’t catch her breath.
As she walked through the lobby toward Carissa’s office, the sound of raised voices caught her attention. After tiptoeing to the corner, she peered into the room. Max and Carissa sat opposite each other, clearly in the middle of a heated argument.
“You’re being unreasonable,” Carissa said, flipping her salt-and-pepper hair over her shoulder. “Rose’s parents have already paid for the rehearsal dinner. We’re just deciding on a location.”
Rose sucked in a breath. My parents sent Carissa money? They shouldn’t have done that. Between her grandparents moving into long-term care and her parents’ struggle with employment, the last thing they needed to be worried about was her wedding. Looks like I have a phone call to make after this is over.
“It’s not unreasonable to want to follow tradition.” Max crossed his arms.
Carissa rolled her eyes. “As I told you before, they contacted me privately to pay for the rehearsal dinner because they can’t attend or pay for the wedding. It’s their wedding gift to their daughter and is important to them. If you want to contribute, I have a binder full of other outstanding items right h—”
“And as I told you, what is the difference if the money they sent is used toward one of those outstanding items?” He gave a stiff shrug that Rose suspected was meant to be nonchalant. But as she had never known him to be an easygoing kind of guy, it failed in execution.
“If it doesn’t matter where their money goes, why does it matter where your money goes?”
“Because I’m here. I’m attending the wedding, and I insist on paying for the rehearsal dinner. I want to have a say in where it’s held.”
Rose had heard enough. The wedding was becoming way more trouble than it was worth. She walked into the room, making sure her heels clicked loudly on the floor to mark each step. Both Max and Carissa turned toward her.
“Rose!” Carissa rushed over, the angry flush on her face dissipating. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Rose said, keeping her tone neutral. She raised her eyebrows at her future father-in-law, and he shrugged, clearly not at all perturbed at being caught midargument.
“Not at all.” Carissa grabbed her arm and pulled her over to the table, where a number of menus were set up. “I’ve chosen several options for the rehearsal dinner. We need to book one of them soon.”
Before Rose could respond, Max angled himself between her and Carissa. “I brought a few menus as well.”
Carissa’s hands curled into fists. If he saw the death glare she gave him, he didn’t let on.
“A little less upscale, perhaps, but much more in line with what the people of Cedar Haven are used to.”
“Quaint,” Carissa said, her voice deceptively sweet. “But since the guests aren’t limited to locals, we should plan for a variety of tastes.”
“You mean the dinner my parents have apparently paid for, which you conveniently never mentioned?” Rose asked, narrowing her eyes at Carissa. To the wedding planner’s credit, she had the decency to look guilty.
“They wanted it to be a surprise.” Carissa’s eyebrows pulled together. “They planned to tell you after the wedding. Your mother feels terrible that they’re going to miss it.”
So do I. With a sigh, Rose sank into the chair that Max pulled out for her and began sifting through the mountain of menus. But her heart wasn’t in it anymore. She wished Steven was there, both to act as referee and to help her sort through her complicated emotions.
Like he’s helped me talk through my feelings the last few weeks.Heat built in her belly before shooting through her. There she was, tying up loose ends for a wedding she was beginning to wonder if she even wanted anymore. The cracks she’d ignored in their relationship had grown too big to overlook.
Before she could change her mind, she pushed back from the table and stood. “Carissa, I need to talk to you.” When Max made a move to go with them, she held up a hand. “Alone.”
“If this is about the rehearsal dinner, I should—”
“It’s not,” Rose said. At his hurt expression, she softened her tone. “I won’t make any decisions about that without you, I promise.”
Max’s eyebrows lowered in suspicion, but something in her face must have told him not to argue. After giving a quick nod, he settled back in his chair and pointedly picked up a menu from a local establishment.
Rose headed outside with Carissa on her heels. The air was stifling, and the blinding heat made her second-guess whether that was the time or place for the conversation, but she needed advice, and she wasn’t sure where else to turn.
“So.” Carissa leaned against the building. “What’s up?”
“What would happen if we canceled the wedding?” Rose asked in a rush, afraid if she didn’t ask right then, she would never again find the nerve.
Carissa’s eyes widened. “You can’t be serious.” When Rose didn’t immediately respond, she touched her arm. “Rose? What’s going on? Is it cold feet or…?”
“I wish it was cold feet.” It had taken all of her energy to force the question out. Her back slid down the brick wall of the building until she landed on the sidewalk. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she shook her head. “I don’t know if I can go through with it.”
After a moment of hesitation, Carissa knelt in front of her. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
Rose wasn’t sure where to begin. “It feels like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.”
“The accident was bad,” Carissa said. “But Steven’s recovering, and I suspect he’ll be back on his feet in no time.”
“But that’s just it.” Rose raised her head. “He’s so focused on getting back to normal, he isn’t taking care of himself like he needs to.”
“How do you mean?”
“He had a heart attack.” For once, the words didn’t get stuck in her throat. “He could have died. But he’s more focused on his spine and the ability to walk, which I get. It’s easier to see the broken parts of ourselves when they’re on the outside. It’s harder to comprehend when something is wrong inside.”
Carissa was quiet. “That sounds like you’re talking about more than just his heart.”
“I suppose I am.” Wiping the tears from her eyes, Rose bit her lip. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to burden you with this. But I don’t have anyone else to talk to.”
“Hey, don’t apologize. You’re not the first bride who has had second thoughts.” Carissa pursed her lips. “Though you are the first to stump me.”
Rose groaned. “That’s not what I needed to hear.”
“I know.” Carissa stood up and brushed off her pantsuit. “Have you tried discussing this with him?”
“Several times. He either blows me off or gives me empty platitudes about how he’s ‘trying.’” Her throat constricted. “It makes me feel like he sees me as a pest instead of someone who genuinely cares about his well-being.”
A throbbing in her head became more pronounced the more she stewed over how Steven had treated her concerns. He’d vacillated between blowing them off and snapping at her for pushing him.
Carissa held out her hand. “Come on. It’s doing you no good to sit and stew in that anger. Let’s go for a walk.”
“But what about Max?”
“He’ll probably still be poring over his menus when we get back.”
They walked through the parking lot and crossed the street. Then Carissa led the way to a small park with a few trails.
“We won’t go far,” Carissa said. “But it’s cooler beneath the trees, and sometimes, being in nature helps me process my thoughts.”
As they walked deeper into the woods, the tightness in Rose’s chest loosened. But she had no idea what she was going to do. No matter how much she might try to deny it, canceling the wedding would send a message. And it might also spell the end of her relationship.
“Have you ever been married?” Rose asked suddenly.
The question appeared to catch Carissa off guard, as she stumbled. Regaining her balance, she turned to Rose with a wary expression.
“I was up until five years ago.”
“What happened?”
To Rose’s horror, tears welled up in Carissa’s eyes. “He died.”
“Oh my, I’m sorry.” Rose shook her head. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s okay.” Carissa sniffled and dashed a hand across her face. “I understand why you did.” After taking a deep breath, she continued, “Chuck and I had a wonderful marriage, but it wasn’t easy. Those last few years, he was sick, and I truly learned the meaning of those vows about ‘in sickness and health.’”
“Did you regret it?” Rose couldn’t help asking.
But Carissa’s face broke into a sad smile. “Not for a moment. I treasure every second we got to spend together.” She frowned. “It’s not the same as your situation, though. Before Chuck got sick, we had a life together. To face such a challenge so soon in your relationship is a hard pill to swallow. I’m not sure how I would have felt if Chuck had gotten sick before our wedding.”
Rose took a shuddering breath. “I know that anyone’s health can fail at any time, and I’m not thinking of abandoning Steven because of what happened to him.”
Carissa stepped forward and put a hand on Rose’s shoulder. “That never crossed my mind.”
“But I’m not sure I could bear it if he passed soon after our wedding.”
They walked awhile in silence. Rose grappled with the choice in front of her. The idea of canceling the wedding and risking her relationship broke her heart, but the bleak vision of a future with a husband who wouldn’t listen to her broke her soul.
When they reached the end of the trail, Rose was surprised to realize they’d completed a circle and were back in the park. Unfortunately, she was no closer to making a decision.
“Rose,” Carissa said, breaking the silence. “Can you imagine a life for yourself without Steven?”
Closing her eyes, Rose tried to picture what that might look like. All she could see was the past and the different decisions she might have made. If she had never met Steven, she would have taken the job in Boston. She’d be working at a busy hospital in the heart of a thriving city. But whether she’d be happier in that other life, she couldn’t say.
“I’m not sure.”
“Give yourself some time to think on it.”
They headed to Carissa’s office. Once they were across the street, Carissa stopped Rose.
“As far as canceling the wedding, it’s likely too late for most of your vendors to rebook the date. That means you’ll lose all of the money you’ve paid thus far, and you’d have to start over from scratch if you decide to reschedule in the future.” Carissa crossed her arms. “So I highly suggest you be sure of whatever decision you make before you take action.”
Rose nodded. Nothing Carissa said had come as a surprise. “Thank you for listening.”
“Do you still love him?”
The question was blunt and caught Rose by surprise. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
Carissa’s face softened. “That’s worth more than you may realize.” She pressed her lips together. “But unless you plan to tell your soon-to-be father-in-law that you’re no longer marrying his son, I suggest we go back inside and fake it.” A rueful smile pulled at her lips. “Though I wouldn’t mind taking him down a few pegs.”
Laughter bubbled up Rose’s throat. “He’s not so bad, once you get to know him.”
“I’ve always taken that saying to be a nicer way of telling people ‘he’s a jerk, but you’ll get used to it.’”
“That’s probably more accurate.” Rose chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” Max asked when they reentered the office, his bushy eyebrows pulled down over his dark eyes.
“Nothing,” they said at the same time. Rose bit her lip to keep from laughing again. “Why don’t you show me the places you had in mind for the rehearsal dinner?” She hoped to keep him from asking additional questions.
His face brightened, though his jaw was tight, probably with suspicion. But he nodded and handed her a stack of menus, all local places. Carissa’s tastes couldn’t be further from Max’s, and they would be hard-pressed to find common ground, but Rose found herself drawn to the local options. It would be easier for Steven, especially if they went through with the wedding they’d already planned. At the same time, those sites were such a vast contrast to the location of the wedding reception, it would almost seem like they were planning two completely different events.
Perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing. It would incorporate different aspects of their lives—and their relationship.
As if he could sense her wavering, Max stepped closer. “All of these places have wheelchair access. I checked.”
Whether he meant it as a comfort or simply as a fact, she didn’t know, but the words weighed heavy on her chest. Those were things she hadn’t had to consider mere months ago. How privileged she had been to never have to think about the sort of access a person with a disability might need.
An image of the male swan with its leg wrapped in a splint popped into her mind. If only she could tap into the faith of his mate, she might be able to find the strength to save her relationship.