Chapter 39
thirty-nine
LUCY
Aidan did fill me in on his conversation with Emily a few days ago, and as hard as I try to remain neutral about all of it, it’s hard.
Now it’s Sunday morning, and I’m staring at the unopened box on the bathroom counter at my flat.
I’ve kept my little ritual of grocery shopping on the rare day off work, but today, I grabbed the test on a whim.
The thought I’ve been ignoring for too long won’t leave me alone, and with Emily scheduled to stop by Aidan’s today, I can’t pretend anymore.
I need to know. I need some certainty before other people’s choices impact my life again.
My thumb hovers over my phone screen. Finally, with a shaky exhale, I tap Juliette’s name.
She answers on the second ring. “Hey, you! What’s up?”
“I need a favor,” I tell her, my voice cracking a fraction. “A big one.”
“Of course,” she replies without hesitation, concern threading through her tone. “What’s going on?”
How do I even say it out loud? The words wedge in my throat.
The possibility has been whispering at the edges of my mind for days, growing louder with every wave of fatigue, every moment I caught myself wondering.
To speak it makes it real. And the second I admit it, I’ll have to face whatever comes next, whether it’s the dream I’ve barely let myself hold onto or the crushing silence of being wrong.
And what if that’s the case? What if the test is negative?
I’ll feel ridiculous for hoping, for daring to believe this could be possible.
Or worse—will I feel broken all over again?
I’ve spent so long convincing myself that I should tuck that particular dream into a box and shove it into some unreachable corner.
And yet…the hope has crept in, anyway.
“I think…I might be pregnant.” The words hang in the air, strange and surreal. “I bought a test, but I can’t…I don’t want to do this alone.”
There’s a brief silence on the other end. “I’ll be right there.”
I haven’t even hung up the phone before I start pacing the small bathroom, my reflection flashing past the mirror with each turn. My heart’s hammering so hard I can feel it in my fingertips, in my temples, everywhere.
Fifteen minutes. That’s how long it will take Juliette to get here.
The box sits there, taunting me. I pick it up, put it down, read the instructions twice more even though I already know them by heart. Two lines mean pregnant. One line means… Well, what it’s always meant for me. A closed door.
I splash cold water on my face, trying to calm myself. What would I even say to Aidan if it’s positive? With Emily suddenly back in the picture, the timing is awful. No, not just awful. Horrendous.
A soft knock at the front door nearly makes me jump out of my skin.
“It’s me,” Juliette calls, her voice muffled through the wood.
I open the door with shaky hands. She takes one look at my face and pulls me into a hug. I pull back, suddenly realizing what I’ve done. “Oh goodness, Juliette, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think—the girls. Did I pull you away from them?”
Juliette’s eyes soften as she shakes her head. “Knox has them. They’re fine. He’s building some elaborate pillow fort that will probably take over the entire living room by the time I get back.”
Relief washes over me, but the guilt lingers. “I shouldn’t have called you like this.”
“Stop it,” she says firmly, taking my hands in hers. “This is important, and you can always call me. No, scratch that. You better always call me.”
Her words bring fresh tears to my eyes. I blink them away, gesturing weakly to the bathroom. “The test is in there. Will you wait in the hall for a second?”
She nods, letting go of my hands to fall into step beside me. Together we move down the narrow hallway until we reach the bathroom. I step inside and close the door behind me.
I could swear the walls are pressing in as I fumble with the box.
I take a deep breath and follow the steps, each second stretching into what feels like hours. When I’m done, I place the test flat on the counter and open the door.
Juliette is leaning against the wall, her face a careful mask of calm, but I can see the concern in her eyes.
“Two minutes,” I whisper, sliding down to sit on the floor, my back against the wall. She joins me, our shoulders touching.
“Whatever happens,” she says softly, “I’m here.”
I can’t bear to watch time tick by, knowing that tiny piece of plastic holds answers that could change everything. “What if it’s negative?” I finally ask. “I don’t know if I can handle that disappointment again.”
“I know,” she murmurs. “I know you’re scared.”
The timer on my phone buzzes, making us jump. My heart hammers against my ribs, but I can’t bring myself to move.
“Do you want me to look?” Juliette asks softly.
I nod, unable to form words. She stands, walking the few steps to the counter that might as well be miles. I watch her face, searching for any hint, any clue. She picks up the test, and for one agonizing moment, her expression gives nothing away.
Then her eyes widen. Her hand flies to her mouth.
“Lucy,” she whispers, turning to me with tears already forming. “It’s positive.”
I push away from the wall, trying to stand, but my knees buckle and I end up right back down on the floor. “What?”
She kneels in front of me, holding the test where I can see it. Two pink lines. Clear as day.
“You’re pregnant,” she says, her voice breaking with emotion.
I take the test from her. Two simple lines, and yet, they feel impossibly monumental.
I’d made my peace with a life without the potential of little hands tugging at mine, without the chaos and wonder I’ve watched Juliette and Knox move through so naturally.
Now it’s here. Somehow, impossibly, miraculously, it’s real.
Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes.
I want to scream, to laugh, to curl into a ball and cry all at once.
The world feels impossibly vast, yet incredibly intimate in the same breath.
I place my hand over my stomach, though there’s nothing yet to touch but the promise of it.
In that moment, I finally let myself feel hope. Pure, reckless, unbounded hope.
I stare down at the test again, like if I look long enough, the lines might disappear, leaving me empty handed. But they don’t. They’re stubbornly, defiantly there. My chest tightens with disbelief, relief, and…joy.
“I…I thought I’d never…” My words trail off, but Juliette doesn’t let me finish. She doesn’t need me to.
“I know,” she whispers. “But look at you—you’re going to have this.” She swallows, voice breaking just slightly, and it’s contagious. I can’t help the hot, happy tears spilling freely down my cheeks.
This is terrifying. Exhilarating. This is every emotion I didn’t even know I could carry at once.
Juliette pulls me into a hug, and I cling to her like a lifeline. “You’re going to be so incredible, Lou,” she murmurs. “No matter what, you’ve got this. You’re never alone. Not for a second.”
I pull back from her embrace, wiping my tears with the heel of my hand. My face feels hot, my mind still struggling to process what’s happening.
“Oh my god,” I whisper, staring at the test again. “I’m really pregnant.”
Juliette’s eyes crinkle with delight as a mischievous smile crosses her face.
“You know who’s going to absolutely lose her entire mind when she finds out?” She raises a brow. “Bree. She’s going to freak.”
A laugh bubbles up through my tears. “You’re right. I remember how she was with you and the twins.”
I can already picture Bree shrieking and demanding every single detail, then immediately planning something elaborate and over the top. The thought makes me smile despite everything swirling in my head.
Then reality crashes back in, and my stomach drops. “Juliette, what am I going to tell Aidan?”
She tilts her head, studying my face. “You’re going to tell him the truth. He loves you, Lucy. This is going to be—”
“Emily just came back,” I interrupt, my voice rising. “She’s trying to worm her way back into their lives, and now I’m pregnant?”
The fear tastes bitter on my tongue. I’ve seen how torn up he is about the whole Emily situation, how protective he is of Isla. What if adding a baby to the mix just complicates everything beyond repair?
“Lucy.” Juliette’s voice is firm, cutting through my spiral before I can work myself into a full panic. “Stop. Look at me.”
I force myself to meet her eyes, though my heart is still racing.
“That man is head over heels in love with you,” she says, her voice even and sure. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you like you hung the moon. And Isla adores you. You know that, right? You’re not some complication in their lives.”
“I…know that. But Jules, what if I’m not even capable of having a healthy pregnancy? Regardless of Aidan’s reaction…”
The hallway suddenly feels too confining. I need air, space to think. Pushing myself up from the floor, I make my way to the living room.
Soft morning light filters through the curtains, casting a gentle glow across the room. Everything looks the same, and yet, nothing will ever be the same again.
I move to the window and push the pane open, letting the crisp Highland air rush in. The scent of heather and damp earth fills my lungs, grounding me, giving me something to hold on to when everything feels like it’s shifting beneath me.
In the distance, I can see the misty outline of the mountains, solid and unchanging. It’s comforting, somehow, to know that while my own universe has been turned upside down, the rest of the world carries on as always.
I press my hand to my stomach again. For a moment, I close my eyes, letting the cool air brush against my face.
Even in the silence, my mind refuses to settle.
I think about the doctor’s words and how I’d walked out of that office feeling broken, like my body had betrayed me in the most fundamental way.
And now, against all odds, it’s happening.
“Lucy?” Juliette’s voice is soft behind me. “How are you feeling?”
I turn from the window and the familiar brush of fur winds around my ankles. Marmalade weaves between my legs, purring insistently, and for a moment, it’s a small comfort in the whirlwind. “Scared. Thrilled.”
“Totally normal.” She smirks. “Were you planning on seeing Aidan today?”
I had stayed at my place last night because I wanted to give Aidan and Isla some space to get prepared for…Emily. The situation is already heavy enough without me being there and adding any more pressure.
“I’m not sure,” I finally answer. “I need to wait to see what happens with Emily today.”
Juliette winces at her name, a flash of discomfort crossing her face before she quickly masks it with a smile. She takes a deep breath, and her eyes suddenly light up with excitement.
“Well, regardless of what happens with…her,” she says, deliberately avoiding Emily’s name. “We have other things to think about now.” She grabs my hands, squeezing them tight. “I’m going to be an auntie! Oh, just think—a little one with Aidan’s eyes and your beautiful smile.”
The image of a tiny baby with Aidan’s fierce eyes makes my heart swell. “You’re already planning their features?”
“Duh. Of course I am. But seriously, I’m here for whatever you need. Tips, tricks, pep talks, midnight panic calls. I know all the shortcuts.”
I manage a shaky laugh, the tension inside of me easing some. “I just… I need to process this before I tell him. Figure out how I’m going to say it.”
She nods, understanding in her eyes. “Of course. Don’t wait too long, though, okay? This is good news, Lucy. The best news.”
I let the weight of her words settle for a moment, and then the practical side of my brain kicks in. “I need to see a doctor,” I say, forcing my voice steady. “I should probably get checked sooner rather than later. I don’t even know how far along I am.”
“Absolutely. We’ll get you set up with the best doctor around. Someone who specializes in high-risk pregnancies, just to be safe.”
The words “high-risk” make my stomach clench. I take a deep breath, trying to calm the fresh wave of anxiety. “Thank you. I mean it.”
While Juliette’s confidence is grounding, the next step is the one that feels more daunting than any appointment or morning sickness or sleepless night could ever be.
I have to tell Aidan.