Chapter 41
forty-one
LUCY
Aidan asked me to come over after Emily left, and normally, I would have raced there the moment I could.
I waited instead, lingering in my flat until the glow of the setting sun signaled it was almost bedtime for Isla.
I’m just now pulling into his drive as the glow of the setting sun casts shadows over the hills. Isla’s excited footsteps patter toward the door as soon as I step onto the porch. She pulls the door open with a flourish.
“Lucy!” she squeals, flinging herself at me. I catch her, lifting her into a hug and breathing in the sweet scent of her strawberry shampoo before setting her down gently.
“Hey, sweetheart. How was your day?”
Her nose scrunches up. “Weird.”
Oh boy.
My heart drops a little. I open my mouth to respond when Aidan steps into view. He crosses the space between us in three long strides and pulls me into his arms. The tension I’ve been carrying all day melts away in a heartbeat.
“Missed you,” he murmurs against my hair.
“I missed you, too.”
He tilts my chin up gently, brushing his lips against mine in a soft, fleeting kiss. My stomach flips, warmth blooming through me, but before I can savor it, a small, outraged voice pipes up.
“Ew!”
I can’t help the laugh that bursts out of me, and even Aidan grins. “Sorry, little storm. I did promise I’d warn you before we did that.”
Isla just rolls her eyes which makes me laugh harder.
Aidan sends her upstairs to get ready for bed and fills me in on Emily’s visit. My heart aches for both him and Isla. As much as I dislike the situation, I didn’t wish for the meeting today to go poorly.
Now I’m standing by while Isla tucks herself into bed, her small frame curling up beneath the covers, looking every bit like an angel who has somehow found her way into my heart in the most unexpected of ways.
Aidan lingers in the doorway, watching as she drifts off to sleep. His shoulders are tight, the events of today weighing on him. I can’t help the twist of sympathy that tightens in my own chest.
When her breathing evens out, signaling she’s asleep, Aidan turns back to me, his expression tired. He leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms, and I take a step toward him.
“Emily wants to take Isla out next weekend,” Aidan tells me. “Just the two of them.”
My stomach clenches. “What did you tell her?”
“That it’s too soon.” His jaw tightens. “She didn’t like that answer.”
I don’t need to see it to know. The woman who appeared at our door carried a confidence that didn’t take rejection lightly. “And Isla? How did she handle it?”
“Better than I expected, honestly. But before Emily got here today, Isla said…” he trails off. “I think she was confused on why you aren’t her mum, Lucy.”
He keeps his gaze just slightly averted, as if he’s measuring my reaction, unsure of what I’ll say or feel.
My throat tightens, and before I can stop it, my vision blurs.
Tears well up in my eyes, threatening to spill over.
I quickly swipe at them, embarrassed at how quickly they’ve come, but they don’t stop.
They fall, one after another, and I let them, even though I can’t explain why this moment feels like so much.
“I—” I try to speak, but the words catch in my throat.
His eyes soften when he sees my tears, and he steps closer, reaching for me, his hand gently brushing my cheek. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I shake my head, tears still slipping down my cheeks.
“No, Aidan, you didn’t upset me,” I manage to say. “It’s just… I never thought I’d hear those words. I love her so much,” I whisper.
I never would have forced myself into that role for her. Not unless it was something they both truly wanted.
“What… What did you tell her?” I ask. “How do you feel about that?”
“I told her you take care of her like a mother would, but I didn’t say more than that. I wanted to talk to you first.”
“I’m not sure what to say to that,” I admit softly. “I don’t want to overstep…”
He doesn’t look away, his eyes soft and patient, waiting for me to continue.
“I just don’t want to do anything that might confuse her when she’s already going through so much,” I add. “But I do care for her. So much.”
“I know you do,” he says, reaching out to touch my arm gently. “And she knows that, too. You’ve shown up for her in ways I could never have asked for.”
I want to tell him that I’d love to be that person for Isla, that I can already picture us building a family. I want to tell him about the baby. The little one who’s going to make Isla a big sister.
The words are stuck in my throat, tangled up in the fear of how he’ll react and how everything will change. Because things will change.
That dreaded wave of queasiness hits me. My stomach churns violently, and I gasp for air, my hand flying to my mouth. The world tilts, my body betraying me with the unmistakable feeling of sickness that surges up my throat.
I stumble into the bathroom on unsteady legs. I almost don’t make it in time, dropping to my knees as the wave of nausea crashes over me. I clutch the edge of the porcelain, my body trembling, but through it, I feel Aidan behind me. His hand lands gently on my back, rubbing small, soothing circles.
“Jesus, baby. Are you all right?” His voice is soft but thick with concern, the worry in it clear as day.
I nod weakly, too dizzy to speak, as another surge of nausea drags me down. I close my eyes, willing myself to breathe through it. When it finally eases, I reach up to flush before slumping against the wall, every muscle trembling with exhaustion.
I almost laugh. This is the second time today I’ve found myself sitting on the floor near or in a bathroom.
Aidan reaches for a damp washcloth and presses it into my hand, his touch lingering for a moment before he pulls back. I press the cloth to my forehead, the coolness against my skin a small comfort.
“Thanks,” I murmur, my voice shaky.
He sinks to one knee beside me, eyes locked on mine, every line of his face etched with worry. The crease in his brow deepens as he studies me. “What’s going on? You’ve been off for a while now.”
I take a shaky breath. The cool tiled wall presses against my spine, supporting me as I try to find the words. This isn’t how I imagined telling him.
His eyes search mine, pleading for an answer I’m not ready to give. My throat tightens as I swallow back the truth that’s pushing to break free.
God, I’m terrified. He’s already dealing with Emily, with Isla’s confusion, and trying to keep their little world from falling apart. Now this?
I press the cool cloth to my neck, buying myself a few more seconds. I rehearsed this moment a dozen different ways in my head throughout the day, but never like this.
I can’t bear the thought of watching shock and panic, or worse, disappointment wash over his face.
“Lucy.” His voice is firm but gentle, pulling me from my spiral. “Talk to me.”
I meet his eyes, finding nothing but love there. No judgment, no impatience. Just Aidan, waiting for me to trust him with whatever’s weighing on me.
A bubble of hysterical laughter suddenly escapes my lips. It bursts out of me, completely inappropriate for the moment, and I can’t seem to stop it. The laughter keeps coming, making my shoulders shake as tears spring to my eyes.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out between gasps of laughter, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. “I’m actually pregnant.”
Aidan stares at me in stunned silence. His eyes widen, lips parting as if to speak but finding no words. The seconds stretch into what feels like hours. I can’t breathe, and yet, I can’t tear my gaze away from him.
“You’re…” His voice falters, the sentence dying on his lips as he searches my face for the courage to finish it.
I press my hand against my mouth, trying to stifle the laughter that’s quickly turning to sobs.
“Pregnant?” he repeats. “Are you sure?”
I catch my breath and nod slowly. “I just found out this morning. I was going to tell you, I promise. I just…wasn’t really sure how.”
The color drains from his face. His hand instinctively runs through his hair, tugging at the strands as his gaze falls to the floor, distant and unfocused. He looks like a man who’s just been hit by a swell of terror he doesn’t know how to ride. All I can do is watch, completely helpless.
I hate how fast the silence fills the space between us, and just how loud that silence gets. I can hear the faucet drip. I can hear my own heartbeat pounding like it’s trying to escape my chest. I can hear everything except him.
I wrap my arms around myself, wishing I could take back the words, wishing I could say them differently, gentler. Anything to soften it after the train wreck of a day he just had.
“Aidan,” I whisper, almost afraid to break whatever trance he’s trapped in. “Please say something.”
His eyes finally lift to mine, and god, I wish I could read his mind.
“I thought you said…”
I swallow, my throat dry as sandpaper. “I did. I mean, that’s what they told me. It was never impossible, just…unlikely.” My hand instinctively moves to my stomach. “Remember when I had that awful sinus infection a couple months ago?”
Aidan nods slowly, recognition dawning in his eyes.
“The antibiotics probably affected my birth control. And all the…you know. We…” I gesture vaguely between us, embarrassed. “I didn’t even think about it at the time. It seemed so improbable that I didn’t consider…”
His expression shifts, the shock melting into awe. “A baby,” he whispers.
I nod, tears welling up again.
He stares at me, silent. It’s worse than if he’d yelled, or panicked, or walked away—because he’s feeling, but I don’t know what.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, the words slipping out before I can stop them. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. I had no intentions of hiding this, but I didn’t know if you’d be okay, and I’m scared, too, and—”
“Don’t,” he cuts me off, his voice stronger now. “Don’t apologize.”