Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
The moment my gaze meets Raina’s, the weight of the world I’ve been carrying on my shoulders lifts, and I want nothing more than to gather her into my arms and do everything I can to make things right between us.
She looks breathtaking in a soft dress that hugs her body in ways I wish I could. Every curve is accentuated, making my mouth water as I take in the sight of the woman I’ve deprived myself of again, after I promised both of us I would never.
I’ve screwed up in so many ways these past couple of weeks.
“Don’t leave, Raina,” I plead again. I overheard her through the door saying her goodbyes. I got here just in time, after spending the last eight hours terrified I wouldn’t.
Sully’s plane was delayed while we were trying to leave Italy when another aircraft had to make an emergency landing, grounding all departing flights for nearly an hour.
Just my luck.
For the last twenty-four hours, I’ve been on a mission to buy as many of Raina’s favorite things as I could get my hands on, determined to shower her in as much affection as I could possibly think to give.
I wanted her to have everything—my words, my actions, and a few tangible items I knew she would love.
I sent Sly to Cartier to pick up the matching earrings to the necklace Vinnie told me she purchased. She showed me a picture, and my only regret was that I hadn’t found it first, so I could give it to her. The choker is perfect for her.
Nixon was sent to Vermont to pick up the maple cream-filled cookies she loves from a small bakery nestled in Bennington. It’s one of the most random things, but her face lights up whenever she thinks about those damn cookies.
Shockingly, I convinced Sully to fly to California on a commercial airline to grab the wine she loves from Napa.
He almost refused to come back, especially when he realized how close to Ridgewood he was—the town Nixon is from and where Sly lived briefly when he and my sister weren’t together.
He said he wanted to explore Nixon’s ‘stomping grounds’ and to see the place that kept Sly from him for so long.
Thankfully, he made it back to San Francisco with enough time to catch his flight back.
Enzo, I assigned the easiest task, not wanting to ask too much of him since our newfound truce is still precarious.
He was sent to my favorite family-owned florist to prepare the largest, most beautiful bouquet of pink florals they could arrange.
The bouquet’s been sitting behind the front desk of my sister’s building, waiting for me to bring up to Raina.
And me? I flew to Italy to pick up a one-of-a-kind dress by her favorite designer I somehow convinced him to sell me.
After reaching out with an offer well above any asking price he could fathom, he sent me four photos of designs he was close to finishing.
I gave him her specifications and a handsome sum of money and was promised the dress would be ready by the time the wheels of the jet touched down.
In fact, his assistant met me on the tarmac to hand it to me personally.
It’s hanging right outside the door on the light fixture, in a garment bag.
I can’t wait to see her face when she opens the dress made only for her.
That is, if she’ll let me give her everything. By the look in her eye right now, I’m not so sure.
Stepping out from around the table, she strides toward me with an unreadable expression, her proximity making my heart skip a beat. With less than five steps between us, her eyes dip to the bouquet in my hand before she reaches for her purse sitting on an armchair near the front door.
“Raina, I?—”
“Let me by, Luciano.” She glances back, but I’m hardly in her way. I’ve stepped inside the apartment now where she can easily breeze past me, and I’d never restrict a woman from exiting a room.
But the closer she gets to the door, the more erratically my heart beats. If she leaves, there’s no telling when I might get this chance again.
“Baby, stop.” My hand catches hers at the exact moment our bodies are aligned, my fingers lacing with hers instinctually. “Please, just listen.”
Raina’s eyes drag from our connected hands up to mine, and I feel her tremble. Her voice is nearly a whisper when she snaps, “What, Luce?”
Luce.
I still have a chance.
Bringing her hand to my lips, I kiss the back of it, and she doesn’t pull away.
Her gaze locks with mine, and for several beats of my heart, I simply stare into her eyes.
Everything I’d rehearsed in my head, every trace of the apology I’d practiced, is completely lost, and I know I have to speak from my heart.
“I screwed up. Under no circumstances should I have believed Javier’s word over yours.
Walking away from you that night was the dumbest thing I could have done.
” Without letting go of Raina’s hand, I pull her further into the room and place the bouquet on the small table next to the couch.
“I’ve hated every second of every day we’ve been apart.
I’ll admit, the first few days I needed time to think, but it wasn’t about your involvement, or lack thereof. ”
“Where’s he going with this?” Sly whispers under his breath, glancing at Enzo.
“Fuck if I know.” He shrugs.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I tune them out and refocus on Raina.
“What I was thinking about was how much of an idiot I was to trust the word of a manipulative con artist without doing any research on my end. It’s my job to gather information, and I didn’t.
I told you from the beginning I didn’t want to mix business with pleasure, although at the time I called it a conflict of interest. Because that’s exactly what it was, baby.
A conflict of interest. Not because of your connection to my sister, but because I was interested in you.
I had been for a long time before I admitted it to myself. I’d already fallen for you.”
The more words flow out of me, the more the tension melts from my body, and I roll my shoulders back, gaining my confidence tenfold.
“I should’ve said all this to you weeks ago, but once those first few days passed, the further I succumbed inside of my own mind.
The seeds of doubt Javier planted were in full bloom, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
Every fiber of my being screamed, reminding me I trust you wholeheartedly, but what was eating me alive was that I couldn't trust myself. My judgment lapsed, and even though you weren’t there to witness it, I kept fucking up in my head over and over and over again. ”
“Luciano…”
“No, please let me continue.”
“This is like a car accident,” Sully mutters to Sly and Nixon from behind his hand.
“One I can’t look away from,” Nixon agrees.
“When’s he going to give her the gifts? He should have led with those,” Sully whispers, although it’s not quiet at all.
Cecilia sends them a scathing glare. “Guys. Shut up.”
I ignore the peanut gallery gathered around the table, not breaking eye contact with Raina.
My heart is bleeding out between us, and the only one who can heal it is her.
“Nothing I say is going to make up for how I’ve acted, but I want you to know I am so irrevocably in love with you, and I’m so fucking sorry.
I’m not expecting you to accept my apology right away, nor do I want it.
I’m going to work for this, Raina, and I’ll spend every damn day of my life making this up to you, if that’s what you need.
So I’m telling you right now, in front of all of our friends, because if there’s anything these last few months have taught me, baby, it’s that I’m only whole when you’re near me.
Without you, I am a shell of a man, half of the person I know I can be because you turn me into that man worthy of you.
I need you, just like I need air to breathe and food to survive.
I can’t sustain a life without you, and I don’t want to. ”
Her eyes glisten with unshed tears. I’ve said everything I needed to get off my chest, and now it feels like the natural progression would be to kiss her, which I’m desperate to do, but there’s still so much unspoken between us.
I need to know where we stand.
I need her to forgive me.
She inches closer to me, just the smallest of steps, but it inflates my heart like the wind hitting a sail. “Why couldn’t you have just talked to me? You had no reason to shut me out, but you did, and you refused to hear my side.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry,” I stress, and I mean it more than anything in the world. “I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for how I acted. Instead of thinking rationally, I let my emotions get the best of me. It’s not a mistake I’ll make again.”
“Icing me out for almost a full week is unacceptable, Luciano. How do you know you won’t do this again with future fights? Because we are going to fight, and I’m not sure I can’t trust you to stay and work through it with me.”
“This will never happen again.” Reaching up to cup her face in both my hands, I tilt her head back so I’m the only thing she sees. “I love you. I love you so much it consumes me.”
For several seconds, she says nothing, just searches my eyes, her beautiful blue to my gray. My jaw clenches as I hold my breath and wait as patiently through the silence as I can, trying to give her time to process.
To my surprise, the rest of the room is quiet too, our friends waiting with bated breath around the dining table, all facing toward us and listening intently.
The nervous energy flits through the entire apartment, but I don’t pull my gaze from hers, nor do I press forward to close the distance between us like I want to.
I’ve laid my heart out there, offered the most soul-baring apology I have in me to her on a silver platter, and now, the choice is hers.
If Raina decides she’s done with me—done with us—then I’ll have no choice but to respect it.
“Oh, just kiss her already,” Nixon groans.