Chapter Eleven
‘Why’d I open my big, fat mouth?!’
Maeve laid as stiff as a board in her father’s bed, her inner voice chiding her loudly.
She stared up at the ceiling, desperately trying her best to ignore the additional weights in the bed.
It was one thing to have Lila wiggling against her, but she could feel Jed’s presence on the opposite end.
Some part of her knew she was acting ridiculous, that every married couple had no problem sharing the same bed.
It was expected, after all. Otherwise, what was the point of promising one’s self to another?
This, however, wasn’t supposed to be a typical marriage. It was, as Jed had so perfectly put it, a partnership between two individuals. And while Maeve could attest that, perhaps she’d grown to somewhat enjoy the man’s company, that certainly didn’t mean the two were an actual couple.
It did not mean she was ready to share such an intimate space.
She shifted uncomfortably, the top of the quilt scratchy against her legs.
Her nightgown wasn’t made of flimsy material, but the quilt was ancient; supposedly, it had been a gift from her father’s side of the family after he and Ma had married.
It was great at keeping someone warm, but the material was well worn and uncomfortable to sit on top of.
Notably itchy.
Maeve couldn’t take it anymore. She carefully rolled onto her side, finding herself staring at Jed. He, too, was intently fixated on the ceiling, hands folded loosely against his chest while he laid on top of the quilt.
‘Guess he weren’t comfortable with the thought of being under it either,’ Maeve thought to herself.
On the note of discomfort, his usually unreadable expression was practically an open book tonight.
Throughout the month his stony exterior had slowly begun to crack, and Maeve had found it easier to understand the intent behind what few words he spoke.
Even when he had nothing to say, the slight shift in his eyes or the quirk of his brow were becoming more obvious to Maeve.
So tonight, as he tried to bore holes into the ceiling with his gaze, Maeve was certain he was just as uncomfortable as she was.
“Maeve?”
He hadn’t even moved his head. Just suddenly started talking in his soft timbre.
“We probably shouldn’t talk, Jed.” Maeve glanced Lila’s way, and Lila stared back with wide, curious eyes. “It’ll keep Lila up.”
“She seems more than willing to stay up all on her own.”
Maeve looked back at Lila. She blew a stream of spit bubbles her way. “Well, why don’t you sing to her?”
Jed let out a snort of laughter. “You don’t want that.”
Maeve shifted farther onto her side, propping herself up with her arm. “I don’t believe that.”
“What?”
Maeve shook her head with a smirk. “You can’t sing? You?”
Jed tilted his head in her direction. They were making eye contact now. “You talk like I’m some sort of jack-of-all-trades.”
“Aren’t you?”
He chuckled softly. “Flattery ain’t gonna get you nowhere. I ain’t singin’, plain an’ simple.”
Maeve made a dramatically disappointed face. “What if it were the only thing that could get Lila to sleep?”
“I thought you said we best be quiet?”
Now it was Maeve’s turn to giggle. She offered her hand toward Lila, who happily grasped her finger tightly. “Well now you caught my interest. Can’t just say you ain’t a singer and not explain yerself.”
Jed gave her a bemused look. “Why there gotta be a story to it?”
“I dunno. Feels like there’s a story to it.”
He rolled his face back toward the ceiling, letting out a long, deep sigh. She hadn’t noticed it before, but when Jed was relaxed, truly relaxed, he breathed as if he’d never done so before. It sounded filling, like he was finally getting the opportunity to tune in to his body’s needs.
“I thought I sung alright, when I were younger. Never really thought ‘bout how it sounded. Just liked the way it made me feel.”
Maeve settled against her pillow, letting her own body begin to relax.
He was opening up about his past, and willingly.
Even after a month living in the same space, she knew nothing of where he came from, of the life he’d led before finding her ad.
It wasn’t a topic she felt comfortable bringing up, and it didn’t seem to be a topic he was willing to broach.
But he was doing it now. Once more, his stony visage began to show little cracks.
“I lost my parents when I was awful young,” Jed went on softly. “Old enough that I can remember their faces, but too young to make my own way in the world. My neighbors took me in afterward…they had a son ‘round my age. T–”
He seemed to struggle with the last word. A painful memory, perhaps?
“Ah–he an’ I were thick as thieves. Got into all sorts of trouble together. He was awful smart, he was. Always had these grand plans about the future. Always knew just where he were going next.”
Maeve shifted slightly in the bed. Jed spoke of his friend with such…admiration. “He sounds awful important to you.”
Something dark flickered across Jed’s face. He inhaled, holding it longer than Maeve expected. Only on the exhale did he continue to speak.
“He knew exactly where I fit in his plans. I was meant to grow up strong, be the muscle fer his mind. An’ muscle weren’t supposed to sing. Weren’t supposed to make much noise at all. Just stand behind him an’ look frightenin’.”
Maeve’s heart sank at the sudden shift in Jed’s tone.
“It made sense,” Jed went on. “Ain’t ever saw a real man walk ‘round singing, after all. He had a way of saying things just right. Didn’t give any room fer doubt, or havin’ any thoughts of yer own. He had a perfect picture in his head, and I wanted so badly to fit into it.”
Jed grew quiet. His cracks stopped before fully breaking through. He seemed done sharing for the time.
Maeve did her best to push away her heartache. She wanted so badly to cheer him up. “Yer friend sounds a bit like Sadie when we were younger.”
Jed immediately turned his head her way, looking entirely unconvinced. Or maybe it was concern? Whoever his friend was, Jed seemed to have very mixed feelings about him.
“I mean, not in the controlling sort of way,” Maeve hastily explained. “I just mean in the sense of like…she knew just where she was headed. There weren’t many girls my age growing up, an’ the boys in Bighorn liked picking on me something fierce.”
“I reckon you shoved each an’ every one of them into a mud puddle?” A slight warmth had returned to Jed’s tone, causing Maeve to smile with a bit of relief. “Or were it Sadie doing the shoving?”
“Nooo. Not our pretty li'l Sadie!” Maeve chuckled lightly, memories slowly beginning to pour in. “She were an upright city girl, she was. Always had pretty bows in her nicely done-up hair. She only pushed folks in if they tried to take ‘em from her.”
That got a good snort out of Jed.
“She stuck to me immediately," Maeve went on. “And maybe she were a bit too bossy fer someone a couple years my junior.”
“Only a bit too bossy?”
Maeve shot him a playful scowl. “But she and I were the only girls our age in Bighorn! That meant something awful special to me. And she and I, we-” Maeve paused, embarrassment running hot across her face.
“Oh, you can’t stop there,” Jed complained.
“It’s silly, though.”
Jed raised a brow.
“Alright, alright. But if Sadie gets mad ‘cause I told you, I ain’t to blame.” Maeve sucked in a breath, mentally preparing for him to laugh at her.
“We…made a pact of sorts. To choose to be each other’s sisters, even if we ain’t got the same blood running in our veins.
There’s a whole chant and everything.” She exhaled quickly, nervously casting a look Jed’s way.
Must to her frustration, his expression was unreadable.
“Oh, that ain’t fair,” Maeve whined. “You can’t look at me like that after telling you something so silly!”
Jed’s brow furrowed slightly. Then, slowly, he began to shake his head. “I don’t think that’s silly.”
Maeve blinked, then blinked again.
“I mean, if I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought you two were related.” Jed’s expression relaxed, and he almost looked…content? Envious? “After knowing each other so long, y’all are just as close as ever.”
There was a notable ache in his voice. A longing, perhaps, for something he must have lost with his own friend from the past?
“Though I admit,” Jed added with a slight grin. “I’m awful curious ‘bout what that there ‘chant’ of yers is.”
“I’ll tell you the day I hear you sing.”
More chuckling escaped Jed.
He freed his hand from underneath him, his fingers finding Maeve’s before grasping it gently. The touch was unexpected, and Maeve felt her face flush with heat once more. She couldn’t help but think back to the wedding, and how earnest he had sounded during their vows.
“Hey, Jed?”
He tilted his head slightly.
“When…when you promised you weren’t gonna be a burden in our marriage…” Maeve paused, taking a breath to hold fast to her courage. “I…I reckon ye’re doing a good job keeping that promise. And-and if I ever make you think otherwise…” Gracious, it felt impossible to keep going.
“I can push you into a mud puddle?” Jed asked.
Maeve made a spectacular face, moving to shove his shoulder hard. He pushed back, holding her in place as he stared down at Lila with wide eyes.
Lila. Maeve had completely forgotten the little girl was between them.
Hesitantly, she followed Jed’s gaze, wondering if she’d finally fallen asleep. She’d been so still during their conversation, surely she’d nodded off at some point.
Lila stared back up at her, just as wide-eyed and curious as before.
Both she and Jed let out a tired sigh together.
“Alright, I’m done sitting here.” Maeve sat upright, stretching her arms to the ceiling before swinging her legs off the side of the bed. “I’m making tea. You wanna take her to the living room?”
Jed gave her a confused stare. “I–I can just stay in here with her. Ye’re welcome to head to bed, if ye’re tired.”