Chapter Twenty-Seven #2
“That kiss at the circus– I wanted so badly to think I wouldn’t get burned by it. I wanted to trust you, Jed, and in that moment, I– It felt like I were in that cabin all by myself again.”
Maeve tried to wipe her face again. This time Jed leaned forward, taking his own shirt sleeve to tenderly clean her face of tears. His stomach had been roiling the entire time she spoke, and he couldn’t imagine what he could possibly do to ever make up for his mistakes.
“Maeve, I’m so, so sorry. I–I never meant to hurt you, I just-” He gritted his teeth, hesitantly cradling Maeve’s cheek with his hand.
She leaned into the touch, a shuddering breath wracking her body with unexpected force.
“It got in my head that-that I trapped you into all this. The feelings I had growing fer you, the kiss I made you accept– I felt so selfish, Maeve. Like I’d tricked you into caring about me so you’d stand by me against Thomas. ”
Maeve gave him an incredulous look. “Jed, that’s-”
“I know it were a foolish thought,” Jed insisted. “I know I should’ve just told you all this. I–I should’ve told you what happened after Edgar got on the train, that three of Thomas’ men stalked me halfway home.”
A sharp gasp escaped Maeve’s throat. “Then, th-the shots from earlier-”
Jed bowed his head, completely weighed down with guilt. “I should’ve told you. I promised I would, and instead I tried to push you away. I–I thought I could turn back time. Bring us back to a time when our marriage were only out of convenience. When we were just business pardners in all this.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, an unexpected tremble rolling through his body.
“I’m sorry. I–I don’t know why I keep making this mistake. You told me again and again that you trust me, that I should just tell you what I’m thinking about. And I…I…”
Why did he keep making the same mistake? Was he going to keep causing Maeve terrible pain? Had Thomas really broken him so much as a man that he couldn’t function outside of his influence?
“Jed?”
He shook his head, his fists tightening at his side as the trembling grew worse.
“Jed, look at me.”
He couldn’t. He couldn’t stand seeing the disappointment in her eyes.
“Jed, I can’t lift yer head without hurting my arm more.”
That got him to comply. And as he did, he met Maeve’s expansive blue eyes and found no traces of shame or anger within them. He blinked, a stray tear finally escaping, dragging its way down his cheek like a terrible scar.
“I know you didn’t know my Pa,” Maeve began softly, “but he were the stubbornest man on the planet. And he made sure I were raised with just as bad a streak.”
Jed blinked, completely confused.
A small smile managed to work its way across Maeve’s lips.
“I’m telling you, Jed Mercer, that if I don’t wanna do something, there ain’t a force alive that’ll change my mind.
So know that when I say I’m standing by your side, it’s ‘cause I wanna do it.” Her brow furrowed, and she gave Jed a dramatic scowl. “What’d I just say to you, Mr. Mercer?”
Jed blinked furiously. “That…that you got one heck of a stubborn streak.”
“And?”
He sat himself up, feeling a massive weight lift itself from his shoulders. “You ain’t gonna do nothing you don’t wanna.”
“And I’ll keep reminding you of that until the day you believe it fer yerself.
” Maeve’s smile persisted, and her good hand moved to wipe his tears away.
She let out a startled squeak as Jed instead pulled her close for an embrace.
He hadn’t meant to–or, at the very least, his mind hadn’t fully approved the idea before his body decided to act on it.
Jed held his wife close to his chest, taking breath after shaky breath in an attempt to regain control.
“You know, when you ain’t trying to act all stone-hearted,” Maeve teased weakly, moving one arm around Jed’s waist, “ye’re an awful big softy.”
Jed buried his face against her shoulder. She smelled of sunshine, of a hard day’s work fueled by an indomitable spirit. Even after everything, Maeve had promised to remain by his side. Jed hadn’t realized how badly he needed to hear that until she’d said the words.
“Dada?”
Now it was Jed’s turn to inhale sharply. Both he and Maeve’s heads swiveled toward the hallway, startled to find little Lila standing in the doorway. Her hair stuck out in every direction, and her bright eyes stared at the pair of them with hesitant curiosity.
“H-how did you-?” Maeve broke out into a fit of giggles. “Oh, Lila. Don’t tell me you learned how to climb outta yer crib?”
Jed shook his head in disbelief. He held out his arms, his heart skipping a beat as Lila immediately toddled into his embrace.
“Da-da-da-da?” She tugged gently at his beard, and it almost seemed as if she were asking them a very important question.
“We ain’t fighting no more, Lila,” Jed promised.
“Oh, baby- I'm so sorry I left you like I did.” Maeve shook her head, wiping her face hastily with the back of her hand. “Mama ain’t ever gonna do that again, okay?”
Lila looked at her quietly, as if truly taking in Maeve’s apology and promise. She then stretched out her hands and grasped at the air, and Maeve looked to Jed, confused.
“I think she wants to grab yer beard next.” He was half-joking, but as Maeve obliged and leaned in, Jed’s breath caught at the sight of Lila’s little hands gently cupping his wife’s face. Her palms patted against Maeve’s wet cheeks, and she crooned in a soft, unexpectedly tender manner.
“That mean ye’re gonna work on my name next?” Maeve asked.
“Da-da-dah! Dada!”
Jed snorted, pulling Lila back to give her a tremendous tickle. “Don’t you sass yer mother like that, li’l lilac!”
Lila squealed with laughter, her limbs flailing wildly. “Dadaaah!”
“Ooh, don’t torture her, Jed,” Maeve giggled, slipping her arms around Lila’s waist in a ‘rescue’ attempt. She set the toddler on her lap, but couldn’t stop the girl from digging her hands beneath the cushions and pulling out the half-knitted blanket.
“You gonna finish that some day?” Jed teased.
Maeve gave him a spectacular scowl, but a smile edged its way through. “That sounds like someone who don’t want a blanket no more.”
Laughter. She was laughing again, and the sound lifted Jed completely from the darkest depths of his doubt. “I’ll start a pot of tea,” he said, rising from his spot on the couch. “Feels like our li’l lilac’s gonna be up for a bit.”
Maeve’s smile softened around her eyes, creating the sense that her own internal storm had begun to quell itself as well. “‘Buttercup’.”
Jed gave her a bemused smile. “What?”
Maeve gently set Lila on the ground, her hands lingering in the toddler’s grasp until the last possible minute. “That’s what my Pa used to called me. ‘Buttercup’. It were one of the last things he said to me before he passed on.”
Jed’s smile faltered.
“I ain’t saying you should start calling me that,” Maeve quickly clarified. “But...I thought you’d like to know. Given we’re trying to be more open and honest.”
“Y-yeah.” Jed turned to put the pot on the stove as an unfamiliar sense of ease settled inside him.
He wasn’t sure how long it would take him to trust again.
How long he would need Maeve to remind him that she was his, and nothing would change her mind.
But it was clear that both she, and Lila, weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
And, for tonight, that was the best Jed could ask for.