Oakley
Twenty-Seven
The next few weeks pass with little fanfare as I slowly adjust to my new living arrangement.
It took a few days to fully settle in, and even longer to stop tiptoeing around the house—something Levi demanded of me the third time I uttered, “Sorry,” in the span of thirty seconds when we both found ourselves in the kitchen a week after I’d moved in.
“Would you quit apologizing, already?!” Levi had said sharply, no malice in his tone.
I’d blushed at his quip, and he’d looked immediately apologetic, and said as much, which had us both devolving into laughter in the middle of the kitchen.
“You have no reason to apologize. I want you here. I like having you here. Please remember that,” Levi had said once we’d finally calmed down enough from our laughing fit.
It’s taken some time to retrain my brain to remember that I don’t have any obligation to apologize for taking up space. Levi has been more than welcoming, constantly reassuring me that I can make myself at home and that he’s happy to have me here.
Sometimes, it’s a little overbearing, but in the best way possible, and he somehow has a way of knowing when he’s being a little over the top. It’s like he’s zeroed in on my mannerisms already, understanding my silent tells and the looks I give him, better than I understand them myself.
Slowly, I’m learning to breathe a little easier.
Memories of my time with Travis still visit in the form of nightmares weekly, and even more often if I’ve had a particularly stressful night at work. I’m working through it, though, learning to give myself the space I need to heal, while also giving myself a good kick in the ass when I need it.
I haven’t heard from or seen him since he broke into the motel room, and though I know it’s foolish to think so, a part of me hopes that he cut his losses and left town.
I still keep an eye open whenever I’m out and about, though, even going so far as to carry the pepper spray Levi bought me, not long after I officially moved in, with me everywhere I go.
With the end of summer came the end of the scorching heat during the day, and, though the sun still shines, the air is lighter, with a sharp bite to it that has me donning a sweatshirt or light jacket every time I leave the house.
The leaves have shifted too, the color change coming a few weeks earlier than I’m used to, due to being farther north, but it’s a change I’m welcoming.
Summer in the mountains was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, but in truth, autumn has my heart.
The reprieve from the heat is a welcome change, and there’s something about being able to burrow down into an oversized sweatshirt that brings me a renewed sense of comfort and peace.
I’ve continued hiking during the days before work, sometimes with Jessie or Levi, but oftentimes it’s just me and Bandit.
My furry companion was a nonnegotiable with Levi when I told him I wanted to explore more of the mountains, but I would have taken him either way.
Another nonnegotiable was being sure to text him when I leave the house, and again when I make it back to my car after the hike.
It feels good to have someone care so much about me.
I want to believe it's because he cares for me and not just my safety, but I can’t be sure.
The mountains are beautiful in the summer, but that view doesn’t even hold a light to the multitude of vibrant oranges and yellows and deep reds and greens that seem to undulate in waves over the landscape when I reach the top. It’s a view I know I’ll never tire of seeing as long as I live.
I’ve jumped at every opportunity to revisit the swimming hole with Jessie, though the water is far too cold for even my newfound bravery to endure.
Sitting and watching the water stream down the rocks brings the peace I’d been searching for, and each time I visit, I seem to get something a little different out of the experience.
Mostly, I frequent the trail behind Levi’s house with Bandit as my trusty sidekick.
With Levi and Jessie working during the day, I’m often on my own.
It took some getting used to, but it’s something I’ve come to love and enjoy.
With only Bandit as my companion, there are no expectations of me, good or bad, and I make it my mission to embrace the quiet moments.
But it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve found myself missing Levi’s company during my time alone. There’s an easy way about him. Something that was always there between us has somehow bloomed into something more in my time since moving in with him.
On nights I don’t work, I find myself curled up on the couch next to him with my Kindle while he mindlessly watches something on TV, both of us content in the silence and enjoying the quiet presence of the other without the weighted expectation of conversation.
That’s not to say we don’t talk, but our conversations have been nothing but friendly in nature.
Though, at times, I can feel the tension of the words we don’t say hanging in the air between us like a thick fog.
The feeling is suffocating, in the best way possible, and only develops further through the heated glances I catch him giving me at random moments. They remind me of how close we came to giving in to each other under the waterfall that day.
I can’t deny that I long for more, though, what exactly that entails, I’m not sure. I’m not immune to the dreams that still plague me some nights, the ones that leave me sweating and breathless when I wake, left with the lingering image of his emerald eyes and wild with longing.
I’m touch starved, and the wanton ministrations of my fingers in the dark have done nothing to satisfy the desire for the man in the room down the hall from me.
Sometimes, I’m tempted to cry out my pleasure, hoping he’ll hear it and somehow know that it’s for him, but the worry that he doesn’t feel the same always has me clamping a palm over my mouth as I come.
I tell myself his friendship is enough. That it has to be enough. He’s done so much for me already, and it’s ridiculous for me to hope for anything more from him.
I’m not ignorant to the possibility that he has someone else.
A fact I’m reminding myself of more and more as time goes on, in the hopes that my disappointment won’t hurt too much if and when I learn of her.
He’s never said or done anything to indicate that he does, but I know a man like him has needs and desires that ought to be fulfilled.
I wish I was the one fulfilling them.
Clearing my head of the tangle of thoughts and getting back to the task at hand, I rinse the remaining soap from my body before turning off the shower and climbing out, wrapping myself in a fluffy towel.
I have a shift in an hour and have just enough time to dress and eat a little something before I have to head in.
Saturdays are always busy, and the promise of good tips and a fun time have me excited to work. I love my job. The lively patrons are a pleasant mix of old-timers and young folks, who each bring their own unique flair to the small-town bar scene.
After running a quick brush through my hair, I apply some makeup, deciding to go a little heavier tonight in the hopes that it’ll earn me a couple extra bucks from the young guys.
Hey, I’m just a girl trying to make a living here. If that means I put on a little extra makeup one night, sue me.
Grabbing my favorite pair of dark wash blue jeans, I step into them, struggling to pull the tight fabric up over my damp legs.
I wrestle with it for a minute, and when I’m nicely winded and finally have them buttoned—take that!
—I pull a white ribbed tank over my head and tie a flannel around my waist. Classic country girl.
It’s cliché, I know, but it works like a charm every single time.
Satisfied in my appearance, I bound down the steps, already thinking about what I want to eat, as my stomach rumbles in defiance like I’ve personally offended it by taking an extra minute to get ready.
My phone buzzes when I reach the bottom of the stairs, and I glance down to see a text from Jessie saying she’ll be visiting me tonight at the bar.
I smile as I type out a quick reply, rounding the corner and smacking straight into a wall of muscle.
Arms reach out to steady me, and the momentary panic of who they belong to fades when I see Levi.
“Steady there. You alright?”
“Yeah. You startled me. You’re home early,” I observe.
His arms still encase me, and his intoxicating presence, mixed with the faint smell of sweat coming off his skin, threatens to consume me. A beat goes by as his gaze rolls down my body in appreciation, before he shakes his head and lets go of me. I instantly miss the warmth of his hands.
“Yeah, Isaac sent us home early since he had to call us in on a weekend. You headed to work?”
I nod and make my way into the kitchen as he follows behind me. “Just going to eat something quick and head out.”
“I think there’s still some leftover pot pie from last night.”
My mouth waters at the reminder, and I yank open the fridge door, smiling in triumph when I grab the container. I pop it in the microwave, tapping my foot as I wait for it to heat. A long sigh sounds from behind me.
“Long day?” I ask.
“Yeah, all this overtime is taking its toll.”
“Maybe take it easy tonight. Stay home, watch a movie or something.” Since everything happened, Levi’s been spending his days working, and his nights babysitting me while I work at Joe’s.
It’s sweet that he wants to watch over me, but seeing what it’s doing to him has me feeling all sorts of guilty.
I already know he won’t take me up on my suggestion before he answers.
“You know I can’t do that, Oakley.”
“I haven’t heard from him in weeks. I’ll be okay for one night.”