Chapter Twenty-Seven Will
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Will
Just as I step outside, Everleigh closes the shed door. She’s wearing a sleeveless black one-piece shorts thingy that shows most of her gorgeous legs, and the V-neckline plunges so low it makes my dick twitch.
Sleek gold belt.
Gold necklace.
Hair silky straight.
Black heels that could bring me to my knees.
Why does God hate me?
I clear my throat. “I’m underdressed.”
Her white teeth peek through her red lips as she grins. “William, you always look sinful in jeans and a crisp white T-shirt.”
“Sinful, huh?” I slide my hands into my pockets while she hops on her toes from one stepping stone to the next to keep from stepping in the grass with her heels.
Good Lord, those fucking legs. She’s a magnificent creature, and she doesn’t even know it.
“It’s torture,” she says, looping her arm around mine.
The last time I walked arm in arm with her like this was at the wedding.
But that night, I knew where it was headed.
Tonight, things are different. We’re different.
And life is just as complicated as it was back then.
For a guy who’s never had a serious relationship, this thing between us feels more than casual. Maybe taxing is the right word.
I stop at the front of my Bronco. “I can’t open the door for you.”
She releases my arm and narrows her eyes. “Oh? Is it broken?”
No, but I am.
“Opening the door would feel like a date.”
“Gotcha. A date comes with expectations.”
“Exactly,” I say.
“Like a good night kiss?”
“Like a good night fuck.”
She giggles, heels clicking on the driveway as she heads to the passenger side. “I don’t have amnesia, William. I know you’re more chivalrous than that. But I accept your need to keep me at arm’s length. It’s for the best.”
As we head downtown, Everleigh suggests the Stables, her favorite wine bar and restaurant. I don’t argue since she’s paying. When we’re seated, do I order the fifty-five-dollar prime New York strip? Yes, I do.
“To your father,” she says, holding up her water glass.
I’m not sure I’ve ever toasted a dying person before now, but I keep listening.
“May he find peace in your presence, love in your embrace, surrender to faith in his last days, and see hope in the light when he closes his eyes for the last time.”
Jesus . . .
I swallow hard and grip my bottle of beer, giving her glass a gentle tap. “To my father,” I murmur with my fucking heart in my throat.
I know he’s dying. She knows he’s dying. I’m not as well-equipped as Everleigh to organize my emotions like inscriptions on the patterned pavers at Stanford Memorial Church.
“Will you look for your own place or stay with your mom?” She sets her glass on the cocktail napkin.
“I’ll stay with her for now. If I get a job and my dad passes, I’ll look for a place of my own. Maybe.” I sigh, drumming my fingers on my legs. “I don’t know. I’m just taking it a day at a time.”
“Where’s your sister?”
“Boise.”
Everleigh rests her napkin on her lap as the server delivers our salads.
“Thank you,” she says, and then looks at me when we’re alone again.
“I understand I’m not your emergency contact, best friend, or chosen confidant, but I will drive to Somers if you need help navigating anything with either of your parents.
Call me if you get overwhelmed with medical jargon.
I can dumb it down for you.” She smirks.
I chuckle. “Thanks. I’ll keep your offer in mind.”
“Hey, Will.”
I turn to the side as Casey, one of my engine crew, stops at our table.
“Hey, Casey.” I set my fork down and nod toward Everleigh to make an introduction. But before I get the words out, he speaks up.
“Everleigh,” he says. Not Dr. Reichart. Everleigh.
The woman behind him, his date, I presume, pings her gaze between the two of them.
“Hi, Casey. How are you?” Everleigh asks with a relaxed smile while retrieving her fork from the rolled cloth napkin.
“I’m good.”
His date and I make brief eye contact. “How do you two know each other?” I ask.
Casey glances back at his date, and Everleigh patiently waits for him to answer the question.
“Uh.” Casey grabs his date’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “Everleigh and I went out a few times.”
What the fuck?
I narrow my eyes at her, but she’s all Dr. Reichart right now, hands folded in her lap. Soft expression.
“But that was a year or so back. Anyway . . . Will, are you still looking for renters? My current lease is coming up, and I’d be interested in moving into your house.”
“Everleigh lives there,” I say.
“I stay in the shed.” She laughs. “And I’ll be moving in the next month or so.”
“Great. Well, let me know, Will,” he says. “Enjoy your dinner.”
“You too,” Everleigh says.
I watch Casey and his date exit the restaurant before returning my attention to Everleigh. “You dated one of my crew?”
She shrugs, stabbing her fork into the lettuce. “Yeah. He’s nice. We had a good time together. But he wasn’t looking for more than that, so it didn’t last long because it had nowhere to go.”
Did it go to the bedroom?
I hate that I even care, but I do. Why would her mom imply she hasn’t had sex since she had it with me?
“That’s great that he wants to rent your place. It’s one less thing you have to cross off your list. And you know him, so that’s a bonus.”
“And you know him too.” I take a bite of my salad and study her.
“True,” she says with little reaction.
I have so many questions that are none of my business. How did they meet? Where did they go on their dates? What did they talk about? Did they have sex? Was it good?
“Ask me,” Everleigh says as if she’s reading my mind. Wouldn’t that just be my luck? A shrink who can hear my thoughts.
“Ask you what?”
“About Casey.”
“I know Casey. What would I need to ask you?”
“You want to know if we had sex.”
I chuckle and shake my head before taking a bite of salad.
“No?” She cocks her head. “You’re not curious?”
“It’s irrelevant. I’m moving tomorrow.”
“It’s not inherently irrelevant. But it can be a distraction.”
“You’re shrinking me,” I say before drinking my beer.
“Saying something intelligent doesn’t mean I’m shrinking you. Besides, you used to like my intelligence. You found it sexy.”
“I don’t care if you fucked him,” I say in a tone that negates the actual words.
“How many kids does your sister have?” She changes the subject so quickly it makes my head spin.
“Two.”
“Have you imagined having kids of your own?”
“Not recently.”
“Because you’re an old man now?” She likes to poke me in ways I feel certain she would never poke her patients. At least, I hope she doesn’t call her patients old.
“Fun fact: My father was two years older than I am now when he started a family.”
Her eyes widen. “Good for him. How old is your mother?”
I look around the restaurant. “Younger.”
“Younger is not an age. It’s a comparative.”
“I’m aware. How old are your parents?”
“My mom is fifty-five, and my father is, um . . .” She lays her napkin on her lap as our server delivers our food.
“Anything else I can get you?” he asks.
I look at Everleigh, and she shakes her head. “We’re good. Thank you.”
As we eat, I feel her gaze on me, but I don’t look at her, because I’m at a loss for words. Actually, that’s not true. I have lots of words, but they’re irrational.
“Okay.” I grip my knife a little harder than necessary while cutting my steak.
“Let’s barter. I’ll give you back your deposit even though you’re planning on breaking your rental agreement.
In return, you listen to me. But that’s it.
I don’t want you to reply. Take it in like a sponge and hold it until it evaporates. ”
When I look at her, she slows her chewing and blots her mouth with the napkin. Then she nods once.
I inhale and hold it for a few seconds before exhaling everything that’s eating at me.
“I’m angry that my dad is dying, but he’s eighty-two, so why am I angry?
He’s had a good life. I’m pissed that I’m leaving the job I love, but that makes no sense because I’ve been telling myself for years that I need to make a big change in my life if I expect a different outcome.
I’ve been stagnant for too long. My friends seem to have the perfect life, and yeah, I’m forty, and it feels like I’ve missed out on having that kind of life.
And I don’t want to be jealous, but I am.
And I’m still pissed that you lied to me eleven years ago, and I swear I’ll take this anger to my grave.
“The idea that you haven’t had sex with anyone since you had it with me is ridiculous and kind of disturbing.
Yet, I’m fucking irritated that you may have had sex with Casey, or any other guy for that matter.
And, yes, I don’t need a psychiatrist to tell me how fucked up that is.
I’m well aware. But what’s just as ridiculous is I don’t want my friends to know that amid hating you, I’ve started craving you.
I think about you for an unhealthy number of hours each day.
But I’m not going to have sex with you because I’m moving tomorrow.
And that’s the real problem because my moving to Somers tomorrow wouldn’t stop me from having sex with anyone else.
So now, I’m really screwed because I’m sure that means I have some unresolved feelings or other sort of bullshit going on that I don’t have time for because my dad is dying and I’m not prepared to deal with that reality. ”
I deflate, unsure whether I feel better or worse. Vulnerable, that’s how I feel.
Everleigh peers at me with a hint of tension along her forehead.
Then she drops her chin, focused on her lap for a few seconds.
She’s multifaceted, like a diamond. Layered and deep.
Sophisticated and beautiful. Intelligent and calculated.
But also, she’s young and impulsive with her emotions for me, and I feel honored to be the recipient of her vulnerability even if I’m the worst person in the world she could give herself to in that way.
I hang on her every breath even when I pretend that she’s the bane of my existence.
She sips her water before picking up her fork and knife to resume eating her chicken.
That’s it? That’s all the reaction I get after ripping open my chest to give her everything?
“I wonder if Casey’s girlfriend lives with him.
It would be fun to have another girl around the house even if it’s just for a month or so until I move into my Airstream.
Maybe she’s a gamer too.” She looks up at me, swallowing before rubbing her lips together as if she’s contemplating video games more than my disastrous life.
I bow my head in defeat and finish my steak without saying another word. After we decline dessert, the server returns to take our payment.
“I’ve got it,” I say, tapping my card on the machine before Everleigh gets hers dug out of her purse.
After tucking the card back into my wallet, I stare at her.
She smiles. “Thank you for dinner.”
“You’re welcome.” I push back in my chair and stand.
Silence steals the stage on the ride home. What’s left to say?
Everleigh doesn’t wait for me when we pull into the driveway.
She kicks off her heels inside the back door and heads straight up to the bathroom.
I collapse onto the sofa and inspect the room.
I’m leaving tomorrow, but I have no fucking clue what to take or what to pack away and store in the garage to make room for whoever rents the house.
The one squeaky stair lets me know Everleigh is coming down them, and I turn. Her hair is pulled back, face washed.
She steps in front of the sofa, hands at her sides, somewhere between Dr. Reichart and Everleigh. “I’m here for you. So are your friends. You’re not alone. And it’s okay not to be okay. Take whatever you need and leave the rest to us.” She glances around the room.
“I’m an asshole,” I whisper, leaning my elbows on my knees and threading my fingers through my hair.
“No,” she says softly.
When I lift my head, her eyes fill with tears, but she swallows and blinks while looking at the ceiling for a beat to regain her composure.
“I want to touch you,” I whisper.
She nods quickly, drawing in a shaky breath.
“But I can’t.”
She continues to nod, folding her hands in front of her. “I know,” she says with a quivering voice despite attempting to be brave and detach herself from me. “Safe travels.” Her chin tips up, and it breaks my fucking heart to see her on the verge of crumbling.
“Thanks.”
“Bye.”
I return a slow nod, dropping my gaze to the floor before she breaks me. “I’m sorry,” I say as she approaches the back door. “Eleven years ago, I should not have left you the way I did, because . . . it did mean something. It was the best week of my life. You’re the best week of my life.”
Click.
She closes the door behind her.