Chapter 44
Calla
The first few minutes of the drive are silent—but the quiet isn’t peaceful. It presses in, thick like fog.
Haiyden’s shutting me out again, and I’m so fucking tired of it.
I can’t do this anymore.
The radio buzzes low, but it only adds to the tension between us—a dull, pointless sound swallowed by everything we aren’t saying.
The air is static, like seconds before a storm.
Like the lake.
Like an ending.
Haiyden hasn’t looked at me once since we pulled out of the lot. He sits rigid, elbow braced on the door, eyes locked on the passing streets. Like he’s already somewhere else.
I don’t even realize how hard I’m gripping the wheel until I see the leather imprinted onto my skin.
I have to say something.
“What happened with Tyler, Haiyden?”
His hand twitches against his knee. Just barely. Like he knew this was coming.
He shifts, dragging a rough hand down his face, exhaling like the question physically exhausts him.
“I told you—he came to the bar.”
“And?”
He flexes his fingers, stretching and curling them again. “And I handled it.”
I shake my head, heat rising under my skin. “That’s not an answer.”
His jaw tightens. “Calla…”
His voice is low. Tense.
A warning.
I ignore it.
“What did he say?”
Haiyden’s head drops back against the headrest. His fingers tap restlessly against his thigh. He lets out a laugh, but it’s hollow. Flat. A sound with no humor, only frustration.
“It’s always about fucking Tyler, isn’t it?”
The venom in his voice stuns me.
My heart whines. I go still.
“What?”
His fingers dig into his thigh, knuckles pale. “Jesus, Calla, I’m not doing this.”
Something inside me snaps. I turn to him fully. The car veers slightly, but I don’t correct it right away.
“What. Did. He. Say?”
Haiyden exhales hard, his head lolling toward me, eyes flat—done with this conversation before it’s even started.
But beneath the anger, something’s fraying.
His voice drops—cold, mocking. Mean.
“I. Handled. It.”
He’s trying to hurt me first.
A slow breath pushes past my teeth.
He laughs again, but there’s something real behind it. “I shouldn’t have even said anything.”
And that’s it. That’s what makes the anger rise—molten, unchecked.
“Right,” I snap. “You shouldn’t have said anything. Not when I spent the last three months falling apart without her. Not when you and I both know he had something to do with this.”
The words are sharp and bitter—and true.
“But you handled it.”
I let that settle between us—heavy and poisonous.
“And I’m just supposed to be okay with that.”
His fingers curl tighter in his lap.
For a second, I think he’s going to say something real. Something that matters.
“I don’t know, Calla.” His voice is flat. Detached. Like he’s already walking away. He finally meets my eyes—expression like ice. “Are you?”
I don’t think. I don’t breathe. I just react.
White-hot anger flares through me, burning everything else away.
“No,” I snap, shaking. “Actually, I’m not okay with it.”
The tears I’ve been holding back have nowhere to go. Heat prickles beneath my skin, my pulse thundering in my ears.
My breath stutters—short, uneven—as frustration shreds through everything I’ve been holding in.
“I’m tired, Haiyden.” The breath catches hard in my lungs. “You pull me in, make me believe this is different— that you’re different —and the second things get real, you push me away.”
He keeps his focus on the seat, peeling at the fabric like he’s just waiting for me to stop.
I gesture wildly, my whole body trembling.
“You disappeared. No call, no text, nothing. You just left. And then you show up days later, drunk on my doorstep in the middle of the night, telling me you love me like that’s supposed to make it all okay?”
His eyes go wide.
And I know.
He didn’t mean it.
“No,” he starts, and for the first time, he looks lost —like he doesn’t know what to say.
“I didn’t disappear—”
“You did.” My voice wavers, but my words don’t. “You left, and I had to sit there, staring at my phone—hoping, no , praying—that you were alive. That you’d just fucking remember I exist.”
A laugh slips out, cold and bitter.
“What was I supposed to do with that?” My voice cracks. “Just sit around and wait for you to come back whenever you felt like it?”
His hands curl into fists on his lap. “You don’t get it.”
“Then make me, Haiyden!”
I don’t even know if I’m asking him to change—or just to hear me.
“You’ve built these walls so damn high no one can get through them. Not even me. You shut me out, and you’ re gonna keep doing it anyway. You’ll just keep leaving .”
His breath shudders out, but his gaze stays fixed on the window.
“I’m not doing that,” he whispers. “I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” My voice is quieter now, but just as certain. “You’re doing it right now. I thought you cared. I thought this meant something to you. But it’s always the same. People leave. I’m too broken for anyone to stay.”
The words sting—because somewhere, deep down, I believe them.
His voice is hoarse. “You’re not broken.” His fingers twitch, like he wants to reach for me but doesn’t know if he should.
“You’re everything to me, Calla. Everything. ” His voice shakes. “But fuck, you make me feel it all, and it’s like I don’t even know how to breathe anymore. I don’t know how to do this.”
The words hit like a sucker punch.
I want to tell him that it’s not enough. That it doesn’t fix anything.
“I loved you, Haiyden.” My voice breaks. “I loved you with everything I had. And you walked away like I was nothing.”
His eyes snap to mine, desperate and wrecked. He swallows hard, throat working like he’s trying to hold himself together.
“I do love you, Calla. I swear to you, I do.”
It’s not enough.
A bitter laugh scrapes up my throat. “Funny way of showing it.”
His hands drop to his sides, and he leans back against the seat, eyes falling shut like the weight of what he’s about to say is too much to carry.
“I’m scared,” he admits. “I don’t know how to love you without breaking you.”
“You’re not going to break me.” My voice is steady, even as my heart trembles.
Haiyden looks at me then— really looks—like I’ve just shattered his last piece of armor.
“But I already am,” he murmurs, regret bleeding through every syllable. “I’m not the person you think I am. I don’t deserve you. I’m going to hurt you again, and I don’t know how to make it stop.”
“That’s not your decision,” I say quietly.
He studies me for a long moment, something unreadable passing through his expression.
“Isn’t it?”
I shake my head, my throat tightening. “You just keep proving me right, Haiyden.”
His eyes search mine, like he’s looking for something that isn’t there anymore. Love, probably.
“I’m trying, Calla,” he says—like he’s only just convincing himself.
I exhale, slow and tired. “For how long?”
And that’s it.
That’s the fight. That’s what we’ve been arguing about this whole time. We’ve been going in circles, but it all comes back to the same thing.
I stare straight ahead. “You’re going to leave. We both know it.”
He flinches. “Calla—”
“No.” I cut him off, the last thread snapping. “You’re right. We’re done here.”
I jerk the wheel into a U-turn. Haiyden’s body jolts, his brow furrowing as he glances at me.
“What are you doing? ”
I press harder on the gas, my voice certain. “Taking you home.”
Haiyden leans back, letting his head thud softly against the headrest. He doesn’t say anything. Just turns to the window, eyes fixed on nothing.
The ride back is silent. Thick. A pressure instead of a pause.
My hands tighten, knuckles aching, but I keep my eyes forward. Because if I look at him—if I let myself feel anything more—I will break.
When I pull to the front of his building, he doesn’t move. I keep my gaze on the windshield, pulse hammering in my throat.
The silence feels like it might crack the air between us. I don’t know if he’s stalling, or just as afraid to tear through it as I am.
But I do, anyway.
“Were you ever going to tell me your sister was friends with Jules?”
Silence.
Long, suffocating silence.
Then, finally—his voice is so quiet, so broken, it barely reaches me.
“No.”
He pushes the door open. Steps out. Slams it shut behind him.
I stare at the space where he was, like if I wait long enough, he might come back.
But he doesn’t.
And this time, I don’t chase him.