Chapter Twenty-Two #2
“I don’t remember much from when you three rescued me, or much from the days we traveled—Chess has had me on tons of herbs and medicines—but I do remember snippets.
I… I can still see it in my mind, the image of you facing down Dimitri—your own brother—for me.
” As he spoke the last sentence, his voice cracked and tears rushed to flood his eyes.
“Thank you doesn’t feel like it quite cuts it, but I can’t think of anything else to say,” he expressed softly, the gratitude in his voice thick.
“Ezra… You don’t need to thank me—or any of us, for that matter. You’re one of us. And no member of our Valwain will be left behind.” I looked him right in the eyes as I spoke, so he knew I meant every word I said.
I listened to the shaky breath he let out, then he released his soft hold on me and took a step back. I hadn’t noticed it until then, but he had a very slight limp as he walked, and he focused more of his weight onto his left side.
Before he could see the guilt flooding my expression, I plastered another small grin on.
“I love what you two have done with the place,” I said, motioning to the surrounding chambers.
“That’s right! You haven’t seen it yet! Well, welcome. Here, come sit and make yourself at home.” He moved a few cushions from the longer couch and motioned for me to take a seat.
Instead of tucking my wings in tight, I sat with my back to the far arm of the couch and let my wings hang over the side. Still close to me and not touching the ground, but more comfortable than squishing them against the back of the seat.
“I… should’ve thought about that.” He scratched the back of his neck.
Just before I could open my mouth to tell him not to worry, the fire on the other side of the lounge from us sputtered and went out.
“I’ve got it!” Ezra proclaimed, suddenly hopping from his seat and making his way over to the fireplace—but not before having to pause and regain his balance, as though the sudden motion had made him dizzy or lightheaded.
Raising a hand toward the fireplace, I said, “Ezra, I could just—”
“I can do it!” he insisted, gathering a few logs from a perfectly arranged pile nearby and placing them inside, where the flame had just been. I watched as he struggled to hold the small flint device in order to create a spark, and at that point, I could no longer sit back and watch.
Crossing the space, I put a gentle hand on his shoulder and guided him backwards so he wasn’t so close. Then, with a single flick of my wrist, I managed to conjure and toss a small ball of fire into the center of the small logs.
The wood crackled as it caught fire, casting a golden glow across our faces.
Ezra seemed to cave in on himself, leaning backwards until he sat on the floor with his long legs spread out in front of him.
“If I can’t manage to light a stupid fire, what use am I to anybody?” he asked, the fight seeming to drain out of him as he spoke, his eyes glued to the flames.
Slowly, I positioned myself to be sitting in between him and the flames, pulling my wings in tight to my body.
“I’m all ears,” I reassured my friend softly.
He pressed his lips together for a moment, his expression contemplative. Then, he sighed shakily, and just let the words flow.
“Everybody is treating me like I’m going to break at any given moment.
They’re coddling me, and at first, it was sort of nice.
I couldn’t move or do much without feeling pain, so I appreciated their efforts.
But I thought it would’ve stopped by now.
They keep walking on eggshells around me, Quinn especially.
But none of them seem to get it—I want normalcy.
I want to be useful again, Aviva. I want to be me again.
And I want to know what’s really going on, because I know what I went through was only the beginning.
The North will stop at nothing, and Dimitri might truly be the key to making them successful.
And yet, I’m positive Quinn has threatened the entire Valwain into keeping their lips sealed around me, because nobody is filling me in.
I understand that they want to protect me, but this should be my decision to make.
And I’ve made it.” His voice was raw as he spoke, his eyes beginning to water the more he let out.
“They don’t seem to comprehend that if I were going to break, I would’ve broken while I was being actively tortured. But I didn’t.”
His hands shook as he rung them out before him. His expression was sullen, like he’d nearly given up.
But he deserved better than that after all he’d been through. And I’d let him know it.
“You’re right,” I said softly as I reached out and placed one hand on top of my friend’s.
It was then that I noticed the first finger on his right hand was shorter than it should’ve been. For a moment, I thought it was a trick of the light, but no. The tip of his finger was completely gone, cut off at the top joint, below where the nail once was.
My stomach dropped as I remembered what, exactly, my brother had been tossing around when I’d last seen him.
Without letting Ezra notice what I’d observed, I carried on, though the thought that he’d endured that and worse—and at the hands of my twin, no less—was like a knife to the heart.
“You deserve better than how everybody has been treating you,” I clarified when he looked up at me, seemingly shocked at how I’d agreed with him. “I’m here to fix that.”
“You’d… You’d do that?” Ezra asked quietly.
“I can deal with Quinn later.” I nodded. “Plus, Rayven agrees with me and will have my back.”
“I don’t want to cause a divide…” He hesitated, though I knew this was what he wanted.
“There already is one, Ezra. Quinn loves you dearly, but she’s going about this the wrong way. And like you said, this should be your decision to make. If you truly want to pick up where you left off, there’s no reason for me not to fill you in.”
At that, he looked down at the tattoo on his left arm. It appeared as a crystal wrapped in flames—Quinn’s family crest, and the tattoo that tied his entire being to his wife’s, just as my tattoo tied my soul to Byn’s.
Slowly, he raised his gaze to look me in the eye as he made his next request.
“Tell me everything.”
And so, I obliged.
***
The sun was nearing the horizon by the time I’d caught Ezra up on everything he’d missed. What I had thought would take no more than an hour ended up being multiple as he pulled out maps and books, wanting to know the exact details of what had transpired in his forced absence.
It was like he was working to make up for lost time, and while my heart still hurt to see it, a spark had re-entered his eyes. It was as though he had a purpose again. And it brought me great joy to know that I’d been able to give that to him.
Ezra had been the driving force that made me feel welcome during the beginning of my time here in the South. If it weren’t for him, I wasn’t sure I’d be where I was today. I was indebted to him, whether or not he knew it.
“And after that, we all rushed to get back here, to Cairnyl, so we could plan our next moves. That’s everything,” I concluded as I placed my finger over Cairnyl on the map before us, after pointing out the end of the route we’d taken to get back.
Ezra whistled as he stared at the map of the continent, and I imagined his mind was moving faster than he could talk. I’d taken the time to answer each in-depth question he’d asked, so I knew he was processing a lot.
“Alright,” he said after a few beats of silence. “What can I do?”
My eyebrows raised at the question. I knew he wasn’t the type to back down, even if fighting wasn’t his forte, but I was still a bit surprised he wanted to jump right back in like that.
“After everything I just told you, you still want to be a part of this?” I inquired.
He nodded. “If my friends, my family, are facing all of this, then there’s no reason for me to stay on the sidelines when I have the ability to help.”
My admiration for the male before me only grew with that statement.
“If you’re sure… Our next move is traveling to the Ocrein Isles. We can’t take on the North by ourselves when they have something that steals our zirilium from us. We’re hoping that with help from Callum and Caelia, the king and queen of the Isles will come to our aid,” I explained.
Ezra sucked his teeth, then added, “And I’m sure the asking price will be as steep as they come.”
I nodded my agreement, then we lapsed into a moment of comfortable quiet.
After some seconds of building up courage, I asked, “Besides everything Dimi did… how was he?” Then, realizing that might be a horrible thing to ask, I began apologizing profusely.
“It’s alright. I understand that you still care for him. Our hearts are tricky like that,” He smiled slightly. “He seemed… lonely. Lost. As though he couldn’t find his way back to whatever or whoever he was before.”
Tears prickled at my eyes, but I forced myself to hold them back, taking slow and deep breaths until they subsided.
“One more question, if you’re up for it,” I said.
“M’lady?”
“Why? What’s driving you to keep going, even after the horror you’ve been through?” I asked gently. I couldn’t quite understand it.
And for some reason, I realized I really wanted to.
He sighed lightly. “It’s a mixture of things, really.
Besides wanting to be content with myself and how I decide to live my life, I also want to make those I hold dear proud.
Quinn, Robyn, even my parents—despite them having returned to the Stars already.
I want to follow their lead—and I know this is something they’d do.
” He looked toward his desk. I couldn’t see exactly what he was looking at, but something over there must have reminded him of somebody he loved.
I tilted my head. “Your parents? I thought you were orphaned.”
“Robyn never told you?” he asked, surprise written all over his face as his jaw dropped.
I shook my head, motioning for him to carry on.
“Orus and Genevieve were Robyn’s parents, but also mine—at least in every way that counted.
You’re right, I was orphaned. At the ripe age of three, as a matter of fact.
I can’t remember the fae who created me, and I likely will never get to know them.
It’s something I’ve come to accept. But because The Haven sometimes takes in orphans in exchange for some sort of service, I had somewhere to live besides on the streets.
I was too young at three to be of much help, though, so I would often end up wandering the castle, since those who were in charge of me often had many tasks to handle at once.
Usually one of the older kids, Finn, would watch over me as I roamed.
One day, I ran into Queen Genevieve and Robyn.
Like a moth to a torch, I was drawn to them—and them to me.
Finn says Genevieve scooped me up and carried on with her tasks, simply claiming me from that moment on.
” He smiled as he spoke, the love in his voice and expression strong.
“But… you’re not a prince,” I pointed out.
He shook his head. “Orus didn’t mind me being around, if it made his wife happy.
She’d always wanted a big family, and this was long before Margo was born.
But formal adoption hadn’t been done in the Thorntier line before.
If something had happened to Robyn, Teagan, and Margo, then the kingdom would’ve had me as its last heir—but because I’m not Thorntier blood, and I possess no zirilium, Orus and Genevieve’s advisors forbade it.
They had no choice but to stop their pursuits, but I was still raised as close to them as I could be.
I took classes with Robyn and sometimes even Teagan, and joined them for meals and on family outings.
Genevieve and I were as close as a parent and son could be.
She gave me the family I hadn’t realized at such a young age I’d been missing, and the brother and sisters I wouldn’t trade for the world. ”
He looked at my shocked expression, then gently added, “They would’ve loved you, you know.”
I smiled sadly. “I wish I’d gotten to meet them. They sound lovely.”
Ezra opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, a Valwain member knocked on the door.
I looked toward the far window, then cursed as I realized I was going to be late to dinner.
“Stars,” I whispered. Before I could even consider leaving without saying goodbye, Ezra pulled me into a fierce hug.
“Thank you,” he pulled back to meet my eyes as he added, “my sister.”
I smiled, honored to hold such a title to him.
“I’ll see you soon.” I headed for the door, calling out over my shoulder, “Don’t worry about Quinn, by the way. We’ll handle it.”
Ezra didn’t respond, but I could hear papers rustling—like he was already immersing himself inside the books and maps again.
On the other side of the door stood Rayven, who immediately asked, “It’s done?”
I nodded once.
“Quinn has a late night tonight, but I hope you’re ready to deal with her. She’s going to be furious,” he advised, rubbing his stubbled jawline.
Brushing off his concerns and telling him not to worry, I slid past him into the corridor.
Rayven shot me a skeptical look, but shook his head and sighed. “You should hurry up. The sun will dip below the horizon any minute now.”
“So stop distracting me!” I stuck my tongue out playfully over my shoulder, then broke out into a run.
As I ran down the long hallway, I could hear Rayven’s soft chuckle in my ears, and couldn’t help but smile myself.
Despite the backlash I was sure would come, I felt a little lighter.
It was nice to have Ezra back—and nice to know that Rayven would stand with me, no matter what, so long as I was doing what I believed was right.
Most times, I didn’t feel as though I completely fit in when I was in the South, and I hadn’t exactly belonged in the North, either.
But I’d found that when I was with the Valwain, when we were supporting and caring for each other the best we could, maybe that was the feeling of belonging I’d been seeking after all.