Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
It’s been weeks in and out of ambulances, ERs, and hospitals, my father going from a heart attack to open heart surgery to a massive stroke followed by smaller ones.
Now he’s set-up at home with me as his chief nurse.
Once he became more coherent, he returned to the guy I know best, only more cantankerous, ugly, and abusive.
He hates being vulnerable and perceived as weak, but I’ve viewed him as the spineless fuck he is for years. I have zero respect for this man. Less than zero.
Resentment for my brothers and my stepmother abandoning ship—and sticking me with the unwanted chore of managing my father’s ailing health—coats me like an itchy second skin I’m desperate to claw off.
Through all the craziness and despair, I’ve ignored the one person that truly matters to me.
Jax. I haven’t called. Written. Tried to explain my egregious, terrible, heartless behavior.
I left it to Remy to…what? Help her see that I’m fucked up and not worth her time?
A poor excuse for a boyfriend? A coward?
She surely hates me but it’s probably better this way. I’m in an eighty-foot hole with no air or light or timeline for escape. I was only ever going to disappoint her…and already have. Prophecy fulfilled. I’m a piece of shit that never deserved her, and this only proves how right I was. Am.
Adding insult to injury, it was a bitter pill canceling my move to Florida and letting down a new employer.
It’s also come as no surprise how little help my brothers have been.
Graham’s focused on college and Townshend is inundated between his newborn and full-time job.
It’s like playing hot potato and I was the last sucker to catch it.
That goes for Erica too. She couldn’t leave fast enough.
I’m sure the ink has already dried on her divorce filing, and it’s only a matter of time until that gets thrown into the pile of problems that I wish weren’t mine.
I can’t even begin to think about navigating those waters on top of everything else.
Relegated to this crappy unwanted reality, I teeter on a depressive plane, minute to minute. I execute the next thing I must, not thinking ahead or looking behind but merely…existing. Hoping he croaks, hoping soon I’ll be set free.