Chapter 64 #2
The school bus tires squeak to a halt, and we swivel toward the sound.
Emmy barrels down the driveway. Butch crouches to meet her at eye level and she falls into his waiting arms. The joy on his face is undiluted as he converses with her, too far away for me to hear.
Then he nods at the porch, and her eyes follow.
She squeals and runs full tilt in our direction with her pink backpack bobbing behind her.
She races up the stairs, dumps her bag, and beelines straight for me.
Emmy launches herself at me. “You’re here! On a school day!”
I squeeze her back, getting a whiff of her apple shampoo, startled by the comfort she brings. I hide my angst and respond with as much cheer as I can muster. “I am. Surprise!”
“Guess I’m chopped liver,” Jerri mutters good-naturedly.
“Hi, Mimi,” she says, still breathless, letting me go and hugging her grandmother.
“How’s my pumpkin?”
“Hungry.” She turns the linings of her shorts pockets inside out. “My snack holes are empty.”
Jerri and I chuckle.
Butch stomps up the steps and his eyes latch on mine. “Do you want to go home…or stick around here?”
He said home. Not his house. Home .
These Hamiltons are efficient little knitters, working to stitch my heart back together. My answer comes easily. I’m exhausted, emotionally drained, and I long for a hot shower to wash away the memory of Don’s intrusive hands.
“Home.”
I scrub off the day’s atrocities and sink into bed, crashing in Butch’s arms with him stroking my back.
When I wake, it takes me a befuddled minute to realize where I am and why.
The day’s events replay, paralyzing me like there’s a knife to my throat.
Tears spring to my eyes, and I heave in a big breath.
A glance at the alarm clock shows it’s near suppertime.
When I hear muffled voices downstairs, I stagger into the bathroom and splash water on my face.
It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.
Father and daughter are parked on the sofa watching a movie. Emmy appears to be engrossed, but Butch’s unfocused gaze tells another story. My footsteps bring him back to the present and his green eyes slam into mine. There’s a multitude of emotions pooling in his. Part of me inwardly flinches.
He stands and tilts his head toward the porch. I follow him out the front door and we sit on the stairs with the last rays of sunshine kissing our faces.
“How’re you doing, baby?”
“I’m a train wreck.”
He nods thoughtfully. “I get that. Probably going to take a while to regain your bearings.” He pauses, one hand scrubbing his jaw. “I’m struggling too.”
My fingers rest against his thigh, and my gut twists uncomfortably.
“I’m not trying to overburden you, but if I don’t say this, I’m going to detonate, and it won’t be pretty.”
I swallow, waiting. He puts a hand over mine.
“I’ve given myself over to this relationship—and I’m fully committed.
It’s a small miracle you showed up in my life and that I recognized what you were, are , which is a second chance.
An opportunity to open my heart, share something meaningful with another person, and expand the possibilities for a future I’d abandoned. ”
My breath suspends as I freeze.
“A huge part of us—this—working…is about trust. Very early on, I brought this up to you as my biggest problem. After what happened with my ex, I lost faith. A piece of me died, and I let it stay buried. I’ve intentionally kept interactions wi th women impersonal and short-lived…
until you. Because it’s not just my heart on the chopping block but Emmy’s. The stakes are enormous.”
I manage a nod, fear lodging in my throat as I sense where he’s going. He’s upset with me. Is he ending it?
“You slammed into my life like a fucking hurricane. Even that first night, in your hotel room. We just…hit it off. It was easy, comfortable. And the sex? Unbelievable. You rocked my whole world in a few hours. Part of me hated leaving you without a name, a phone number, a chance to explore what it could be.” He huffs an incredulous laugh.
“And then you show up on my damned doorstep, gift wrapped. I knew within minutes I was screwed.”
“Me too,” I murmur.
“Despite my good intentions to go slow, we’ve sped right along. Let me be clear, I have no regrets. I love you, and I know you love me.”
“But…” It comes out as a whisper, barely a breath.
“But goddamn it, you blindsided the fuck out of me. I had no idea you’ve been dealing with your scum boss harassing you.
What happened at your office party months ago and then today ?
And everything in between? You kept this to yourself, as if you don’t…
trust me. That hurts.” His voice turns hoarse, his pain broadcasting straight into my chest. “It’s making me question what we’re doing here. ”
I clutch his hands with mine, willing him to look at me.
“No!” I choke out. “Please… I was scared. Confused. And wrong. I desperately wanted your advice. You’re the one person I can turn to, but the whole thing with your dad.
..I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to cause problems for your family. ”
His head hangs, shakes as if he doesn’t think that’s a good reason, and our hands separate.
I try to form the right words. “I’m not used to people being in my corner. Everyone leaves. ”
His face turns toward me, eyes softening.
“I’ve been so lost…” Tears trickle down my cheeks. “But you make me feel like I matter. I’ve never had anyone show up for me like you have. I’m starting to believe you have my back in a way no one ever ha…has.” My voice breaks and I swallow. “Not even my own parents.” The truth of it cuts deep.
Butch’s hand covers mine. “You do matter, Jacqui.”
“And your family…they’ve all opened their arms. Act like I belong here.
Your mother told me…” The tears fall harder now and my breaths stutter.
Butch strokes the back of my hand with his thumb and I cling to the sight of it.
“She told me that I was part of the family today—and I almost went to pieces.”
“Everyone here has fallen for you, Sundance. Not just me.”
I meet his gaze through watery eyes. “With you, I see nothing but possibility. I see an incredible man who values and treasures the people closest to him. A man who is selfless, giving, and loving.”
“And a total stud in the bedroom?” His eyes shine, lighter now.
A wet laugh escapes, and it brings some relief. “Beyond. Way, way beyond.”
He fingers shift errant strands of hair away from my eyes and across my shoulder as he stares at me intently. “You know why, right?”
“Because we love each other?”
“This is bigger than love. I got a taste of it even that first day. I couldn’t explain it, tried ignoring it, but there’s no denying it any longer. It’s like an exploration every fucking time. You mean more to me every minute.”
My tears slow, and he thumbs them away. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Please don’t give up on me, on us . I trust you with all of me.
And you did protect me today by teaching me how to be on the offense, not just defense.
It’s the first time I didn’t feel powerless.
” I shove away the visual of Don’s penis in my face. “I will never lie to you again.”
Butch’s eyes turn glassy. I crawl into his lap, and we embrace tightly, his heartbeats thumping against my own.
“I love you so fucking much,” he rasps.
“I love you more. You mean everything to me.”
Our mouths meet in a desperate, healing kiss swirling with hope for all that we are—and can be.