Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
It’s a beautiful night now that the rain has stopped.
After exhausting ourselves on the dance floor, we walk through the university campus.
Being on campus makes me think of my thesis and wonder if any of the committee members have read it yet.
Will they like my main character or find her whiny?
Will the first chapter raise enough questions to pull them in?
What will they think of the prose? Sullivan called my prose trite at our last workshop. Kiara called it dramatic.
“Okay, time for the get to know you portion of the date,” Cosmos says as he holds open the door. “Favorite place to go on vacation?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t go on vacations.”
“Never?” He follows me inside, and we get in line.
“I mean, a few when I was young, but not much.” My parents could never agree on where to go.
Plus, there was the fact that Jeremy was always traveling for work, and when he was home, he wanted to stay home.
“My mom used to make things special in the summer by doing these stay-cations. We’d visit all the touristy places around town and spend every afternoon at the beach. ”
“Beach?” he asks. “Where’d you grow up?”
“Florida,” I answer a little hesitantly. Kane used to call my birth state America’s wang. The fact that I was born and raised there didn’t stop him from making that joke, and even though I never felt a strong attachment to the state, it still felt like a slap in the face.
Cosmos just nods and asks me what kind of ice cream I want. We give our orders to the woman behind the counter. A scoop of mint chip for him and chocolate fudge brownie for me.
I’m not looking when I turn around and run smack into someone’s chest. When I look up, I realize it’s Dr. Paatel.
“Oh shit, I think I just ruined your coat,” I blurt out.
He looks confused, and I hold up my smashed ice cream cone. My neck is hot and blotchy as his eyebrows pinch into a knot. He shrugs out of his suit coat to assess the damage. This is not going to help my grade.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I apologize over and over.
Cosmos must have run off to the bathroom to get paper towels because he’s suddenly offering damp ones to Dr. Paatel and helping him gently sponge the chocolate off.
“Stop apologizing, Hazel. These things happen.” Dr. Paatel’s graciousness just makes me feel worse.
A woman joins him, hooking her arm into his. “Oh, what happened?”
We quickly explain, and her face softens reassuringly. She pats my hand. “It’s fine, dear. Are you a student?”
I nod, barely able to think enough to speak anything but another apology.
“Well, if I could give you extra credit, I would. I’ve been begging him to let me buy him a new suit for ages. I detest this thing.” She laughs and holds the brown tweed up by two extended fingers. “I’m his wife, Susan.”
Everyone introduces themselves, and Dr. Paatel asks how I’m feeling now that I’ve turned in my book.
“Strange.” I answer truthfully. I can’t put into words what I feel. Vulnerable. Curious. Excited. Terrified. Too many things at once.
Cosmos wraps his arm around me, as if he knows I need something to anchor me, to keep me from floating away in these big, unruly feelings.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Dr. Pataal reassures. “You’ve written a decent debut novel, and you should be proud.”
Decent. Yeah, that sounds about right. Nothing like what I’d imagined in my head when I started this program. Nothing like the award-winning novel I set out to write. But, decent is good. It can only improve from there, right?
“Did you know she’s been writing two books at once?” Cosmos asks, like he’s trying to come to my defense.
“I had no idea,” Dr. Paatel says, drawing back in surprise. “That’s wonderful.”
“It’s not a big deal.” Don’t ask what it’s about. Please don’t ask what it’s about.
“I’m impressed.” Susan’s smile is as bright as her bubbly personality. “Well, you two have fun. We’re off to throw this in a dumpster and start shopping.” She rubs her hands together giddily, and I have a strange wish to be her friend.
We part ways and head back out into the night with what’s left of our ice cream. I think Cosmos can sense that seeing Dr. Paatel has soured my mood because he’s quiet for a few minutes while we walk back to the car.
There’s a loud group playing frisbee on the grass, despite the late hour, and a couple making out on a bench. The air crackles with electricity, but the wind is cold, making me shiver.
Cosmos takes off his coat and drapes it over my shoulders. “So, what have you been reading lately? Anything good?”
Normally, I’d deflect a question like this, or tell the person the most recent book I read that’s impressive or at least acceptable.
In this case, Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier.
But it wasn’t the most recent book I read, and I want to be honest with Cosmos.
I don’t want to wear my mask. I want to howl.
So I tell him the truth. “I just finished Welcome to Bone Town.” I hide my face with with my free hand.
Cosmos gently pulls my wrist until I’m looking at his smiling face. “It sounds fun. Tell me about it.”
“You really want to know?”
“Yeah. Sell me on it.”
I launch into a diatribe about the book.
How I wasn’t sure about it at first because I’ve never read an omegaverse before, or a book with multiple love interests, for that matter.
But I loved how the different relationships all came together and everyone grew to care for each other.
It was like the ultimate found family trope.
Plus it was basically The Mummy and Indiana Jones with spice.
It was nostalgic, and kept me smiling throughout.
When I finish telling him about it, he bumps his shoulder against mine. “And how spicy is it?”
He slowly licks mint chip ice cream from the back of his spoon, and my brain glitches. My cheeks heat, thinking about a particularly steamy scene from the book when one of the men went swimming in this hot spring they found and went down on her while… Nope. I will not think about that now.
I try to cover my embarrassment with teasing and wave my spoon at him. “So that’s why you read romance novels.”
“Hey, I read clean romances, too.” He smirks and takes another bite of ice cream.
“I hate that term. Clean romance. What does that even mean?”
“Do you really not know what it means?” he asks incredulously.
“No. I know. Books without spice. Books that end with a kiss, or just ‘I love you’ and a hug.” I don’t think a romance would end with just a hug, but it’s not about the specifics.
It’s about the idea. “It’s not that I think every romance should have a sex scene in it.
Some of my favorites don’t. But, the term clean romance makes it seem like anything else is dirty, and last time I checked, dirty is a dirty word—a shaming word.
It’s hard enough for people to admit they like romances, and then we heap more shame on them for not reading the right kind of romances. ”
“Clean romances?”
“Yeah. It’s like, okay, we’ll forgive you for reading romances because at least you’re reading clean romances.
But all that other stuff… nope, that’s just cleverly disguised porn.
Which isn’t always the case at all. They’re good stories that incorporate the whole of a person’s life, which includes their sexuality. ”
I stop short, realizing I’ve been talking too much.
It’s like all the things I’ve been wrestling with, and the arguments I’ve been secretly having with myself about my ingrained shame around romance, come pouring out at once.
But I’m probably just preaching to the choir.
I already know Cosmos reads spicy romance novels.
“Sorry for the diatribe. I’m sure you don’t want to listen to me rant about a poorly named subgenre.” I shove a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth.
Cosmos stops and turns toward me. “Language matters, Hazel.” There’s no judgement, just acknowledgement. And a smirk. “You’re damn sexy when you rant.”
Then, without warning, he leans forward and steals the ice cream off my spoon.
“Hey!” There’s no heat in my reprimand. I’m too mesmerized by his tongue licking the chocolate from the corner of his lips.
“Here.” He fills his spoon with mint chip and holds it out for me. I lean in, but he swipes the spoon away at the last second, shoves the bite in his own mouth, and immediately claims my lips with his. This kiss is minty and cold, playful and light. It warms all of me.
“What else do you read?” I ask when he breaks the kiss.
“Besides romances and poetry? A bit of everything, I guess. Reading is how I calm down. It’s how I distance myself from the intensity of working in a hospital.”
That makes sense. Reading’s always been my escape too. “Okay, last ten books you read, ready? Go.”
He lists off three murder mysteries, two romance novels, three popular fiction books that I recognize from the New York Times bestseller list, a science fiction novel I read in college, and a historical novel about World War Two.
“How about you?” he asks.
It’s one thing to admit I read romance novels. It’s another to admit I’ve read them exclusively lately. And most of the ones I read this week would qualify as erotica more than romance. That’s a whole other conversation for another time.
“Oh, no you don’t,” I say, trying to evade his question. “You still have to tell me which was your favorite.”
He picks one of the murder mysteries and by the time he finishes explaining why, we’re back at his car.
“Do you want to go get a drink?” he asks. “Or we could—”
“I should probably get back.” I reach for the car door, but he beats me to it, holding it open while I climb in. I sit down, then shift around in my seat and pull at the hem of my dress.
Cosmos doesn’t argue or try to persuade me to go to his place first. I’m disappointed, but also grateful. He understands why I want to go home early, and he doesn’t make me feel bad about it.
The drive back to Mom’s is comfortable. We talk about music and movies, the casual types of things you ask when getting to know someone. This kind of small talk is usually awkward for me, but with Cosmos it feels different. Easier, somehow.
We park in front of Mom’s place at exactly ten fifteen. Cosmos walks me to the front door, and we stand there awkwardly, neither truly ready for the night to be over.
“Sorry to end things so early,” I whisper. “I had a great time.”
Cosmos steps closer, his hand rubbing up my arm to my shoulder. “Stop apologizing, Hazel.”
I love the way he says my name. Like a breath.
Like longing. We’re standing so close our chests graze against each other with every inhale.
I can smell the peppermint on his breath from the hard candy we had in the car.
I want him to kiss me, but he’s just looking, like he’s trying to memorize each detail of my face.
His hand moves down to my waist, and his fingers curl, fisting the fabric of my dress. “We should say goodnight. I know you don’t want to leave your mom alone for long.”
He gives me a quick, chaste kiss, unclenches his fist, and steps away.
“Oh, right.” I’m not sure how I expected the night to end, but it definitely wasn’t with a peck on the lips and a hasty goodbye. Um, no.
I grasp the hem of his t-shirt and pull him back to me, lifting on my toes to press my lips fully to his.
His groan sounds almost like my name and feels like a dam bursting open.
He grabs my thigh and wraps it around his hip, the same way he did when we were dancing.
Both feet leave the ground as he lifts me back into the door.
Our mouths lock together. His tongue swipes against mine, then twirls, winding me up. Coiling every muscle in my body.
His hand moves along my thigh, under my dress, until he’s squeezing my ass, as he kisses me senseless. “I want to take you home with me, Hazel.” He kisses along my neck and bites the collar of my dress. “Fuck, I want to take you home so bad.”
I want that too. So much that every cell in my body feels like it’s vibrating, shaking. My mind is only half working. “Go around back. My bedroom is the window with the white curtains. I left it open before we left.”
He squeezes my backside a little harder, lifting me half an inch higher so we’re eye level. “You want me to sneak in your bedroom window?”
“Well… um…”
Mom wouldn’t mind if I brought him right through the front door. But I’d rather not go about advertising my sex life to my mother. Or maybe I’m not as evolved as I thought I was. Maybe I’m still holding on to some shame I really should let go of.
Or maybe there’s just something exciting about sneaking a man into my room. I’ve never done it before. Why did I suggest this?
“Actually, I like this idea,” he whispers, kissing the tip of my nose. “Climbing through a woman’s bedroom window is another thing on my romance novel bucket list.”
My laugh is light. “Really?”
“Yeah, I guess I’ve read just a few too many dark romances.” Cosmos shrugs and squeezes my ass.
I swallow thickly, certain that my panties are thoroughly soaked.
“Um… Okay, give me ten minutes to make sure my mom’s okay, and then…
” I don’t finish the sentence. He doesn’t need me to.
He’s grinning like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.
I feel a bit like I’m in Wonderland myself, knowing that this incredible man wants me.
“Ten minutes. I promise.”
He kisses me again, hungrily, like he’s not sure he can wait that long.
Then he sets me down, puts both his hands in his pockets and casually starts whistling as he walks away.
Just before he reaches the corner of the house, he looks over his shoulder, his expression practically giddy. Our eyes lock, and time stops.
“Don’t be long,” he says before sauntering out of sight.